


The Journey

by AGirlNamedEd



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: (of a sort), Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-typical swearing, Canonical Character Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Slow Burn, The Adventure Bang 2018, minor Johann/Avi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 10:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 61,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16385873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGirlNamedEd/pseuds/AGirlNamedEd
Summary: Love is a journey, not a destination. And boy howdy, does the journey for Killian and Carey have a lot of hills and bumps and twists and turns. But they'll make it work. Somehow, they'll make it work.(A retelling of the entire Balance campaign and more, but told exclusively from a Carey/Killian point of view.)





	1. T̴͇͓̗͐ͅh̴͕͓̯̋̇e̷̛̤̜̯̳̓̓ ̵̧̱͎̄̐̎̚G̸̓͜a̶̱̐̈͐̒i̴̤̥͐͆͋̚a̸̧̳͚̫̓̾̉ ̶̻̩͌́Ś̵̙̰a̵͔̣̣̐͘͘s̵͈̺͈̹̈́ẖ̸̖͑̓

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyy this is the fic I wrote for The Adventure Bang 2018! My roommate Max was actually the one who suggested the base idea of "Carey and Killian's entire relationship" and then things got a wee bit out of hand from there. As said, this is going to be their _entire_ relationship, from the moment they meet until...you know ;)
> 
> [Here](http://sakuraspell.tumblr.com/post/179351490044/thejourney) is the art for the fic, drawn by the amazing and very skilled Gaby! (Fic spoilers in the art jsyk)

It should’ve been an easy job. Get in, get what her client was looking for, get out. Easy. Carey had done it hundreds of times. She had the tools, she had the skills, she knew what she was doing. The only issue was that she was trying to steal it before someone else did, but Carey was a professional. She’d worked on a tight schedule before. There was absolutely no way the Raven was getting in there before she did.

Honestly, Carey wasn’t completely sure what she was getting. Her client had said she’d know it when she saw it, which wasn’t _the_ most useful information, but also wasn’t the most cryptic direction she’d ever been given on a job, either. At least he’d told her to check the storage area, saying it wouldn’t be on display. And this museum was clearly loaded, with enough money to hire some bomb-ass wizards to cast a ton of defensive spells. Not good enough to stop the one and only Carey Fangbattle, of course, but good enough for her to notice and appreciate the work that had gone into it. She’d definitely be coming out of this little job with quite a few bonuses. Sure, thievery wasn’t her usual schtick, but it was an easy way to make a quick buck every now and then. Assassination jobs were fewer and further between these days.

She was halfway through picking a lock when a crash caught her attention. Carey stopped, peering back down the hallway she’d just come through. Whoever was back there—probably the Raven, she realized with a grimace—was still going to have to get past the traps, magical and otherwise. She’d have to hurry, though. If the Raven was as good as her reputation said she was, she’d make just as short work of those traps as Carey had.

Carey returned her attention to the lock, working faster now. It was already a fairly complex lock, but those bastards had gone and had Arcane Lock cast on it too, making it even more difficult. On the one hand, it was the first real challenge Carey had faced all night. On the other hand, it was annoying as hell.

There was another crash and a curse, closer this time. Carey winced and her lockpick broke. She swore and fished another one out of her thieves’ kit. This was ridiculous. She was wasting precious time. She had to finish the job. She was Carey Fangbattle, dammit, and she had her _reputation_ to think of—

“Hey!”

Fuck.

Carey straightened and turned, glaring. “What?” It wasn’t the Raven. At least, not unless the Raven had somehow ended up polymorphed into an orc. Said orc was pointing a giant crossbow directly at Carey’s head. Carey rolled her eyes and settled a flat glare at her. “Look, can we get this over with? I’ve got shit to do.”

“Are you the thief Stein hired?” she demanded.

Carey held her arms out from her sides and bowed. “That’s me. Now are you going to let me do my job, or…?”

The orc bared her teeth, and Carey’s eyes traced her tusks. She really, _really_ didn’t want to get into a fight with an orc tonight. Who knew where the Raven would be by this point? “How much did Stein tell you?” the orc asked.

Carey frowned. “What’s it to you? You planning on arresting me or something? Because I’m pretty fucking good at not getting arrested.”

The orc sighed, and Carey got the feeling she was more frustrated than actually angry with her. “Look, are you here for the G̴͈͎̭͐ä̴͍́̋̚į̸̖̞͂͠ǎ̴̜̂ ̷̫̣̪̬͑S̸̮͌̿a̶̛̛͖̞̺͂s̴̥͑̃͝ͅh̷̢͍͇́͑͋?”

“The what?” Carey glanced at the door behind her. All she’d heard from that was static.

“Okay, cool.” The orc lowered her crossbow and ran a hand through her hair. “You have to come with me now, but it’s cool, I don’t have to kill you anymore.”

“Now hold on!” Carey snapped. “In what universe is ‘it’s cool I don’t have to kill you anymore’ a good incentive to get people to go somewhere? Fuck off, I’m doing what I was paid for.”

The orc’s face darkened and she stepped forward. “We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Your choice.”

“‘Oooh the easy way or the hard way,’” Carey mimicked, folding her arms. “Why don’t you bring your big muscles over here and _make_ me?”

For some reason, the orc flushed a little at that, but she shrugged nonchalantly. “Or I could just kill you like I killed Stein. Your choice.”

Carey felt her stomach drop. “You’re lying.”

“You’re leaving here with me one way or another.” She took another step forward. “And you’re running out of time to decide before I pick for you.”

They were in an open hallway with no hiding places. If they came to blows, Carey would be at a severe disadvantage. She might be alright if she could get within a closer range, or if she used her breath weapon, but orcs were famously sturdy. Her best bet was probably to get the hell out of dodge. If the orc was telling the truth, she wasn’t going to be paid for this anyway. All the fancy baubles and expensive trinkets in the world weren’t worth dirt if you didn’t live long enough to collect. And there was absolutely no way she was going with the orc woman under any circumstances.

“Time’s up,” the orc announced. She raised her foot to take a step forward, and too late Carey realised she was directly in front of the glyph of warding that she’d had to backflip over to avoid triggering. Before she could shout a warning, the orc’s foot came down, there was a blast of fire, and Carey’s world went dark.

~~~

“I think she could be a big help around the B̶̺̝̓̿̊ú̵̢͙͕̦̦͔̬̔͐̅̔̄͝ŗ̷̘́̄͋̍̂̅͠ę̷̠̺̬̙̼̽̃̊̾̐͗̐͝a̷̢̘̥̹̪̚u̸̲͇̓̂̈̃̒̄̆.”

“She’s a thief. An assassin. Can she be trusted?”

“Probably not. So put her with me. I’ll whip her into shape in no time.”

Carey struggled to full consciousness. Her everything hurt and she could barely open her eyes. Without moving, she did her best to scope out her situation. Not tied up, good. In a cell of some kind, bad. All her weapons and tools confiscated, even worse. There were a few people on the other side of the bars. She recognised the orc woman, but the older human woman and the gnome with the moustache were new. Carey couldn’t see any escape routes aside from the obvious barred door, and she weighed her options. On the one hand, she could try and bargain with them. She’d heard the orc arguing her case as she was waking up, which was…weird, since she’d nearly tried to kill her earlier, but she’d take what she could get. Maybe there was a way of talking her way out of everything. On the other hand, she could just pretend to still be unconscious until they left and find a way to break out.

The first option seemed like the one more likely to go in her favour, especially without her tools, so she pushed herself upright and swung her legs over the side of the little cot she’d been lying on. Her head spun, and she waited for the vertigo to pass. “Oh, you’re awake,” the orc said. She sounded almost glad to see Carey up. It was disconcerting.

“Yeah, so.” Carey stood and took a few steps forward. She was still a little disoriented. “Technically I _didn’t_ actually steal anything, so I’m just going to head out if that’s cool with everyone.”

The orc’s face dropped and she glanced nervously at the human. “Uh, yeah, no, we sort of can’t do that.”

The human stepped forward. It was obvious she was in charge—her posture, her eyes, everything about her radiated dignity and gravitas. “We have a few questions we need answered. What’s your name?”

Carey folded her arms. “I’m not telling you that.”

“I’ll give you mine if you’ll give me yours,” the orc offered.

Carey hesitated. “It’s Carey,” she said after a moment.

The orc smiled, and it lit up her whole face. Now that she wasn’t threatening to kill Carey, she was kind of pretty. “I’m Killian,” she said. “Sorry about the whole, you know.” She mimed pointing a crossbow at Carey. “Trying to kill you thing.”

She felt her mouth tip up in a little smile. “It’s not exactly the first time someone’s tried.”

The human woman cleared her throat. “You may address me as Madame Director. And this is Davenport.” She gestured to the gnome, who beamed up at her. “Carey, you were hired by a man named Stein to…retrieve something, right?”

“The word you want is ‘steal,’” Carey said cheerfully. “Yeah, that’s me. Best in the business, except when random orcs show up and fuck up your whole shit.” She looked pointedly at Killian, who squirmed.

“Trust me, you not stealing what you were sent to take was the best outcome to this scenario.” The Director sighed. “What, exactly, did Stein tell you?”

Carey shrugged. “Not a lot. Just that he needed something in the museum’s storage vault.”

“He didn’t specify?”

“Nope.” She pointed at Killian. “She asked if I was there for…something, but all I heard was static.”

The Director looked between Carey and Killian, and Carey got the feeling she was weighing her options. Finally, she turned to Killian. “You’d be willing to take her on?”

Killian’s face brightened, but her body language remained casual as she shrugged. “She clearly had the skills to break into a high-security vault. If it wasn’t for us, she probably would’ve gotten away with it, too. She’d make a great r̸̳͝e̷̡̦̗̔͌̾g̶̮̽̃̕u̷̡̢͉̥̩̮̓͌̂͗̚͝l̵̡̲̤̞̋̓̔̌a̴͙̎̈́͋̊̿̾t̵̨̮̮́͛̆o̴͓̳̍r̴̫̼̭͚̹͛͛.”

Carey pointed. “See, there’s the static again. Does anyone else hear that?” Maybe the explosion had messed up her hearing. Except no, she’d definitely heard Killian’s weird static before that, too.

Davenport shrugged, but was the only one who reacted to her question. The Director turned back to her. “I’m going to make you an offer, Carey. Our organization works to find and dispose of dangerous artefacts like the one Stein sent you to retrieve.” Carey frowned. She’d been sent to get something dangerous? Shit, Stein could’ve at least _mentioned_ that part. “I can’t tell you much more than that, not right now, but I’d be willing to offer you a regular, paying job with us.” She gestured at Killian. “You’d be working alongside Killian and her partner Boyland.” Carey stifled a snort at the name. The Director ignored her. “Are you interested?”

Carey eyed Killian. “What happens if I say no? Your little bodyguard here rips me apart with her bare hands?”

Killian winked. “Not unless you’re into that.”

Dragonborn didn’t exactly blush, being cold-blooded, but Carey felt heat rise to her face. “Uh.”

“Nothing so _crude_.” The Director’s nose wrinkled slightly. “We aren’t planning on harming you, Carey. We’d rather work with you than against you.”

It wasn’t particularly reassuring. There was no doubt in Carey’s mind that if she said no, she’d be left here to rot. Her best bet was to work with them for now, bide her time, and plot her escape.

So she nodded. “Sure. Why the fuck not.”

What was the worst that could happen?


	2. The Talk In-Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian's having some qualms about her new teammate's adjustment period.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Killian is my favourite TAZ character, bar none. I love her so much.

“So how, exactly, did I get here?” Carey asked.

Killian shrugged, trying not to let her nervous energy leak through. “Well, you know.”

“I don’t, actually,” Carey said flatly, “that’s why I asked.” She gestured around them. “Apparently, we’re on a _fake moon_. You don’t just _get_ to a fake moon.”

“I mean, I carried you most of the way.” It had been a moment of uncharacteristic panic for Killian when she picked herself up off the floor and saw the damage she’d done and the unconscious dragonborn. She knew the Goldcliff militia would be on their way any minute, and she _really_ hadn’t felt like dealing with Captain Captain Bane at that point, so she’d just grabbed Carey and booked it, only calling a sphere and sending Bane a message once they were safely out of town. “And, I mean, we can get on and off the base pretty easily. It’s not that hard, especially if Avi’s working. He’s pretty chill; you’ll probably meet him later.”

“So how _do_ you get off of here?” Carey asked casually. Killian resisted the urge to glower at her. She wasn’t _stupid_. If she told her that now, Carey would be gone by next sunrise.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said instead. “You’ll find out next time we go on a mission.”

~~~

Killian was starting to have doubts about Carey. She’d taken the inoculation like a champ, according to Johann, and she’d absolutely _crushed_ her Trial of Initiation. (Killian supposed that having a trained thief steal something was a pretty pointless test of skill.) She clearly had the skills to get by in the Bureau. No, that wasn’t what Killian was worried about.

Carey had to be dragged to training, often literally. Killian usually had to find her first, which Carey claimed was also training—just a different kind. “It trains you to search better,” she said, “and me to hide better. Win-win!”

Killian levelled her with the flattest look she could muster and said, “And the fact that you get out of normal training because of this is…?”

“Completely coincidental,” Carey said cheerfully.

When Carey _did_ get to training, she wasn’t helpful in the slightest. Killian and Boyland knew each other well enough to know when to work together and when to stay out of the way, but Carey mostly just did her own thing, often to the detriment of her supposed teammates. It frustrated Killian no end, because she _knew_ she was good at this. She’d done her homework, and back on the surface world Carey Fangbattle was _the_ person to go to if you needed something illegal done discreetly. You didn’t get that kind of reputation by not being able to hold your own in a fight.

The really worrying thing, though, was her fixation on finding a way off the base. She hadn’t found the hangar yet, thankfully, but it was only a matter of time at this point. Killian had given Avi strict instructions to not tell her anything, but who knew how long that would last. Avi had no poker face of any kind. Carey may have thought she was being coy about it, but Killian wasn’t stupid. She knew Carey wanted out any way she could get it.

Even Boyland didn’t really like her, and he got along with just about everybody. “She could kill us all in our sleep,” he liked to say.

“But she _hasn’t_ ,” Killian reminded him.

“But she _could_.”

“But she _hasn’t_.”

On the one hand, Killian understood. Carey had essentially been forced into a situation she had no interest in that could very easily get her killed. Of _course_ she was going to look for a way out at every opportunity. Killian would probably do the same.

But on the other hand, Killian had a very specific job.

“You know if you do get off the base, I have to come after you, right?”

Carey looked at her. “Uh, yeah?”

“And…” Killian frowned, choosing her words. There really wasn’t a nice way to put it, and she’d always been a pretty blunt person anyway. “You know if that happens, I have to kill you, right?”

“That’s assuming you catch me.” Carey flashed a grin, showing off her sharp teeth. “And I’m pretty good at not getting caught.”

Killian raised an eyebrow and pointed at the tree she had caught Carey hiding in not two minutes ago.

“I’m confined up here,” Carey complained. “There’s only so many places to hide.”

“Mmhm.” Killian shifted so she was sitting more comfortably. “Carey, I…I don’t want to have to work against you. I don’t want to have to go after you if you go rogue. I like you a lot, despite everything. Can’t we work together?”

Carey was quiet for a long moment. Then she looked Killian in the eyes and said “You never told me about Stein.”

Killian blinked. “What did you want to know?”

She didn’t say anything for a minute, looking just slightly away. When she did speak, it was quieter and a little hesitant. “I didn’t know much about him,” she said. “He just approached me and said he needed me to steal something with massive power. He was desperate for it.” She frowned. “I guess that would’ve been the thrall or whatever. But like…who was he before that? What did he do here?”

Killian shook her head. “Honestly? I didn’t know a whole lot about him. He was supposed to be one of our reclaimers. We lost contact with him shortly after he left, and after a day with no contact Madame Director sent me to investigate, just in case.” She ran a hand through her hair. “It’s a good thing she did, too, because he was totally under the relic’s thrall, and he tried to kill me pretty much as soon as I got there. I managed to figure out that he’d hired someone to get the belt for him after I, uh, un-alived him—” Carey snorted and Killian ignored her. “And that’s when I came after you.”

“These things seem dangerous as fuck.”

“They are. The Director hasn’t had any reclaimers _not_ have to get taken out by one of us yet.” It was frustrating as hell, and Killian knew the Director was getting anxious.

Carey was quiet again for a while. She leaned back on her hands and looked up at the sky, thinking. Killian watched her, waiting for her to say something. The sun made her deep blue scales almost shimmer. She really was very pretty.

“Huh,” Carey said finally, and Killian looked down at her knees, embarrassed at catching herself staring. “So does this make me, like, one of the good guys now or something?”

Killian looked back at Carey and saw her still contemplating the sky. She grinned. “Fuck yeah it does.”

“Huh,” Carey said again. “I don’t think I’m used to that.”

~~~

The next day, Carey was not only on time for combat practise without Killian having to go look for her, she was early. Killian rubbed her eyes. “Am I in some kind of bizarro alternate universe?” she asked.

Carey punched her in the arm. “Eat me. It’s not like I have anything better to do, anyway.” She sauntered off towards the practise weapons, and Killian watched her go with a somewhat dazed smile. Well. Things might be looking up.


	3. The Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carey goes on a mission.

Gods, it was just _impossible_ to hate some of the Bureau members.

And Carey would know—she’d tried. She’d tried _so_ hard. But it was hard to hate a guy who was already depressed as shit and sounded like he needed a nap at all times, or a guy who was quite possibly the friendliest man in the world. Fuck, even the chain-smoking dwarf had grown on her with his endless stories about his endless family.

Even the person she would’ve thought would be the easiest to hate—Killian, the person who was basically responsible for trapping her on the fucking _moon_ —was difficult to be upset with for long. She was loud and tough and damn good at what she did, if training was anything to go by. (It had been three months, and they still hadn’t gone on any missions. According to Killian and Boyland, not having to do their jobs was a good thing. Carey, on the other hand, wanted off this godsforsaken rock.) Killian was cool and had a great laugh and was fun to be around. She found herself actually spending time with her outside of training because she was just nice to be with.

Carey dealt with these feelings by pickpocketing Killian every chance she got.

~~~

She was startled awake by Killian shaking her. “Carey, get _up_ already!”

Sleepily, Carey slapped at her hands. “What?” she mumbled, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. “What time is it?”

“No idea, but the Director wants to see us. Now.”

Carey looked around. Her roommates—a trio of reclaimers named Kate, Anka, and Judy—were away on assignment, and therefore not grousing about being woken up so early. “Give me a minute,” she sighed, swinging her legs over the side of her bottom bunk. “How’d you get in, anyway? We keep the door locked when we’re sleeping.”

Killian sheepishly pointed at the door, now ripped off its hinges. Carey raised her brows, impressed. “No one was answering, so I. Uh.” She shrugged. “I have no idea how you slept through that.”

“I’m a heavy sleeper. What’s the Director want?”

She laughed, quieter than usual and a bit hollow. “Get your gear. We’ve got a mission.”

~~~

Boyland met them in the Director’s office. Carey hadn’t been there since her first day, and Madame Director herself was still a little intimidating, even at fuck-all in the morning looking like she’d slept in the pits of hell. She smiled at them as they entered, bags under her eyes making her look older than she was. “Sorry to wake you,” she said, “but this is a high-priority mission. Carey, I know it’s your first assignment for us, but, well, nothing like jumping in with both feet, right?”

Carey shrugged, thumbs looped through her belt. “I’ll live, probably. Not sure that counted as a long rest, but it’s whatever.”

“Right.” The Director gestured towards Boyland. “I was just giving Boyland an overview. We got a…well, basically a distress call from one of our reclaimers just a few minutes ago. Someone you’d know, actually, Carey. It was Anka.” Carey bristled. She’d sparred with Anka a few times. They were no pushover. If they were sending in a distress call, something was wrong. “They said Judy had turned on her teammates and was going for the Oculus for herself. She attacked Anka and Kate and took off for where our seekers said the Oculus was.”

Killian glanced at Carey. “Was it a thrall, or has she been planning this for a while?”

“Anka didn’t say. If you’re able to determine without a shadow of a doubt that it was premeditated, then bring Judy in alive for questioning. Otherwise…” She trailed off, and Killian and Boyland nodded.

“Wait, hold on,” Carey protested. “You want us to just…straight up murder her ass if she’s under this thrall thing? Isn’t there a way to, like, snap her out of it?”

Boyland folded his arms, puffing on his cigar. “Funny, you’re the last person on this base I would’ve thought would be against murder.”

She flipped him off. “Stuff it, old man. I just don’t get why _murdering your employees and coworkers_ is the best option. I mean, it’s just a spell, right?”

The Director looked away, and for a moment she looked like she’d been carrying the weight of the world for a hundred years. Then she turned back to them, and she was all somewhat sad dignity and gravitas again. “Unfortunately, it’s not that simple,” she said. “Once a person is under the thrall of one of the Grand Relics, it’s impossible to break that thrall. And yes. I have tried.”

Carey got the impression it was a touchy subject, and the Director seemed genuine, so she dropped it for the time being. “Alright, fine. So now what?”

“The three of them were on the trail of some information brought back by one of our seekers in Neverwinter,” the Director said. “Apparently it’s part of a caravan’s cargo, but because the caravan is making several stops, it’s unclear where the Oculus itself is bound for. That’s why we had to send in the reclaimers on such short notice. Judy will be going right for that caravan. Your job is to stop her, not to recover the Relic. Understood?”

Killian nodded, and Boyland gave a thumbs up. Carey gave her a mock salute. “Whatever you say, boss lady.”

~~~

“Hey,” Avi said as they entered the hangar. He looked ready to fall asleep on his feet. “Welcome to the launch zone.”

Carey stared at the room around her. It was easily the biggest dome on the base, with ridiculously high ceilings that she probably couldn’t reach even with her crazy parkour skills (although damn if she didn’t want to try now). The walls were lined with glass balls the size of a wagon. There was what looked like a giant cannon on the other side of the room.

Carey looked between the cannon and the spheres, then turned to Avi with wide eyes. “Are you gonna fire us out of a cannon?”

He shifted uncomfortably and looked at Killian, who gave a resigned sigh and nodded. “Yeah,” he said.

“Holy _shit_!” Carey shrieked, throwing her arms in the air. “Where the fuck do I sign up?! Why did nobody tell me this was what we did here? This is awesome! Sign me up for every fucking opportunity to use one of these suckers!”

Avi grinned weakly. “You seem excited.”

“Fuck yeah I’m excited!” Carey bounced on the balls of her feet. “It’s my first time off this rock in months, and it’s gonna be via cannon? What is there to not be excited about?”

Killian was laughing. “Well, let’s get going then,” she said, sauntering towards the nearest cannonball, Boyland at her side. Carey trotted after them, practically vibrating.

The inside of the cannonball was a little more cramped than it looked from the outside. It wasn’t a problem for Boyland, who immediately took one of the two front seats, or Carey, who was small for a dragonborn. Killian, on the other hand, was an orc, and not a small one. She squeezed herself into one of the back seats. Carey suddenly found herself faced with a weird choice: did she sit up front with Boyland, or in back with Killian? If she sat with Killian she’d be squashed, but Boyland stank of cigar smoke.

“Carey?” Avi said behind her. “You getting in?”

She swallowed. “Yeah, sure,” she said, clambering into the backseat with Killian. Killian shifted over to try and give her more space. It didn’t work, but Carey appreciated the gesture anyway.

“Good luck out there,” Avi said, shutting the hatch behind Carey as she fumbled with her safety harness.

“Don’t need luck,” Boyland declared, and Carey grinned. Boyland was alright.

The sphere was loaded into the cannon, and everything was dark for a moment. Then Carey heard Avi’s muffled “Three, two, one!” and suddenly they were blasting through the air faster than Carey had ever gone in her life. She was screaming and laughing, and Killian’s laugh boomed out beside her, and Boyland was yelling at them to shut up so he could concentrate or they’d all die, but he sounded like he was having a better time than either of them.

Carey pressed against the glass of the sphere, peering out to the world outside. It was the middle of the night, so she couldn’t see much, but she could see the vague shapes of mountains and forests and the lights of towns and cities. She _definitely_ needed to do this again in the daytime.

There was a sudden jolt, and she looked up to see that Boyland had pulled a lever between the front seats. Their descent slowed, slowed, until they hit the ground with a much smaller crash than it would have been if Boyland hadn’t hit the brake. Carey fumbled out of her harness as Killian and Boyland did the same. She ran her hands over the edge of the sphere, quickly finding the door mechanism and popping it open.

They’d landed just outside Neverwinter, far enough away that they probably wouldn’t have been noticed by the general populace yet. A parachute had materialized from the top of the sphere, presumably from when Boyland pulled the lever. It was still dark out, and not for the first time Carey cursed her lack of darkvision.

“Don’t go too far.” Killian had climbed out of the cannonball as well, Boyland behind her. She pressed something on her bracer and the parachute was sucked back into the sphere, a balloon slowly inflating in its place. Gradually, the ball was lifted off the ground and started to float back up into space, presumably towards the Bureau.

Carey bounced on her toes. “Holy shit. Why didn’t you guys tell me we had that kind of stuff just like...lying around?”

Killian glanced away, and Carey suddenly understood: because they didn’t trust her not to bail on them. That was fair, she supposed. She didn’t trust herself not to bail, either.

“Anka and Kate are supposed to meet us further in,” Boyland said. He started walking towards Neverwinter. “The sooner we get there, the better.”

~~~

Kate and Anka weren’t a lot of help. Anka was more focused on Kate’s injuries than anything, and Kate had been knocked unconscious fairly early in the fight and didn’t know much. They did know where Judy had been heading, but they couldn’t say whether she was still there or not. “I doubt she has the Oculus yet,” Anka said, “because if she did, we’d know about it.”

Carey raised a brow.

“The effects of a Grand Relic aren’t exactly...subtle,” Kate said.

Anka handed Killian a piece of paper. “Here’s the address of the warehouse the caravan is shipping out from in the morning. More likely than not, she’s scouring it, looking for the Oculus. It’s a big caravan, though. We’d given ourselves hours to search it.” They smiled grimly. “With you guys here? She has maybe a few minutes, tops.”

~~~

It wasn’t a very nice warehouse, but what it lacked in upkeep it more than made up for in size. Carey supposed that was a contributing factor in its lack of upkeep.

“We should split up,” Killian said. Boyland looked at her like she’d spontaneously grown an extra set of tusks. “No, hear me out. I know we usually stick together and go with Plan A, but—”

“What’s Plan A?” Carey asked. She was sure that wasn’t something that had been brought up at their training sessions. Sure, she’d skipped a lot of them when she first arrived, but surely Killian wouldn’t forget to teach her an important tactical maneuver.

Boyland winked at her. “Plan A is ‘walk in like we own the place.’”

Carey laughed. “Oh, nice. I mean, you guys can do that, but I’m gonna, like, not, if that’s cool.”

Killian nodded enthusiastically. “That was my thinking, too. Boyland, you and I will still Plan A this shit, and Carey can sneak in through a window or something and get the drop on her.”

Carey spotted a window about three storeys up and threw Killian a mock salute. “On it, boss.”

“Don’t attack right off the bat,” Boyland warned. “We have to be sure she’s thralled first.”

She rolled her eyes. “Sure, Dad. Now can I go get into position or are we still jaw-wagging?”

Killian laughed and shoved her. “Go on, then. We’ll give you two minutes to get into position and then come kick the door in.”

“Gods I hope you mean that literally,” Carey said, already scarpering up the side of the building.

The window was unlocked, but rusty, and Carey had to fumble in her belt pouches one-handed to find her oilcan. Once the hinges were oiled, she slipped inside easily and silently.

The inside of the warehouse was in the same condition as the outside. Carey quickly swung herself down to a heavily water damaged wooden shelf. It creaked under her weight and she froze, hoping Judy hadn’t heard her, and also that the shelf didn’t collapse. That would be just all around bad. After a few moments of nothing happening, she snuck along the shelf as quickly and quietly as she could.

Judy wasn’t too far in. She was pacing back and forth in front of a cart near the warehouse’s main entrance, glaring daggers at the long line of carts in front of her. Carey couldn’t hear her, but she could tell Judy was muttering under her breath. It was a nervous habit of hers, one she’d been trying to break. Carey swallowed. It was a little weird, planning to murder someone you actually knew.

The double doors at the front of the warehouse slammed open, one falling off its hinges with a crash. Carey could make out Killian and Boyland’s figures in the doorframe. She took a controlled breath as Judy turned to face them. So far, so good. All of Judy’s attention was on Killian and Boyland.

Boyland started to say something, but before he got out more than a syllable Judy screamed in anger and threw something at them. Lightning sparked and lashed out towards Boyland and Killian, and when it hit them they collapsed to the ground. Carey froze. There went her distraction. Now she had to get to them and rescue them without Judy noticing, or—

A thought suddenly occurred to her. Killian and Boyland were down. Judy was standing over them, shrieking about how the Oculus _needed_ her or some bullshit (yep, definitely under its thrall). They were about to die...and no one would notice if she just...didn’t show up to help. Carey could easily sneak off into the night, be presumed dead by the Bureau and everyone else, and never have to see any of them ever again. She could be free.

Except then she looked at them again, lying helplessly on the floor, and Carey cursed under her breath and dropped down behind Judy, a knife to her throat. Judy stopped moving immediately, frozen under Carey’s hands. “Sorry, roomie,” Carey said, and she slit her throat.

~~~

Killian found her on the quad. She didn’t say anything, just sat under the tree Carey was hiding in. Carey appreciated it.

After a few minutes of silence, Killian cleared her throat. “You good?” she asked.

Carey rolled her eyes. “It’s not the first time I’ve ever killed someone, you know.”

“Yeah, but still. You, uh, seemed like you were having a hard time dealing with it.”

“Well, I’m not.” Carey dropped out of the tree, landing feet-first beside Killian. “I don’t think you get how I was a _trained assassin_ before all this. I’ve killed people before—I’ve been _paid_ to kill people before. This is nothing new.”

“I don’t think that’s what you’re having a hard time with.”

Carey faltered. “Pardon?”

Killian smiled, and it was _warm_ and _genuine_ and it did things to Carey’s insides. “You did the right thing today, Carey. You did something wrong, but for the right reasons. And you did something else, something that’s hard to do.”

“I did?”

Killian stood up and put her hands on Carey’s shoulders. “You earned my trust.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anka, Judy, and Kate are just some random OCs I made up for this specific fic and aren't really important outside of this.
> 
> Plan A being slang for "walk in like we own the place" comes from the D&D group I've been playing with since I started playing four years ago. We got a surprising amount of stuff accomplished just...acting like we were supposed to be somewhere when we weren't.


	4. The Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian likes Carey. A little. Well, a lot. Well, maybe just a whole heckin' crazy lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Killian that's gay_

Killian had a problem.

Well, it wasn’t a _problem_ , per se. It wasn’t anything bad, and it wasn’t something that impacted her life in any big or meaningful way. It was more of an inconvenience than anything, if she really wanted to categorise it. Besides, it would only be a problem if she did something about it. Or maybe if she did nothing about it. She wasn’t quite sure.

The point was, she had kind of a _thing_ for Carey.

She couldn’t _help_ it. Carey was funny and sassy in a way that was kind of refreshing, if she was being honest? But she was also realistic and so, so good at her job. Killian could watch her do her sick flips for hours. And she was pretty as _fuck_.

‘Pretty’ wasn’t a word that a lot of people associated with dragonborn. Carey definitely was, though. Her scales were the most gorgeous shade of sapphire blue, and the way her snout wrinkled when she laughed was adorable. She was small, not just for a dragonborn but for Killian’s taste, but she made it look good. And don’t even get her _started_ on those _teeth_.

To put it mildly, Killian had a big, stupid crush on Carey. And it wasn’t a problem. And it wasn’t _going_ to be a problem. Killian was a professional. She could handle a dumb crush.

~~~

“I have a problem,” Killian declared as she let herself into the HR office.

Brad, son of Brad, looked up from his paperwork. “Perish the thought,” he said. “You, Killian Crushbone? A problem?”

“Shut up, Brad,” Killian said, flopping into one of the chairs in front of his desk. “I’m here for policies and advice, not your bullshit.”

He held up his hands in mock apology. “Well, policies and advice _are_ two of my favourite things. What’s this problem of yours?”

Killian crossed one leg over the other and steepled her fingers, trying to figure out the best way to explain herself without going into too many specifics. “What’s the Bureau policy on employee relationships?”

Brad propped his chin in one hand and looked thoughtfully at one of his ‘Hang In There!’ kitten posters. “I don’t think there is one. Just don’t, you know, screw it up, because then you still have to work with them. Also don’t throw them off the moon if you have an argument, but I think that just goes for relationships in general.”

“Yeah, got that, thanks.” Killian blew some stray hairs out of her face. “So it’s not, like, not allowed?”

“The Director isn’t really interested in who’s dating who.” Brad shrugged. “As long as it doesn’t interfere with your job, it won’t be a problem.”

She nodded absently. At least that was that. If she ever did decide to ask Carey out, she wouldn’t be theoretically jeopardizing either of their jobs.

“May I ask who it is?” Brad asked. “Or is that a little too personal?”

“Hey, if you can’t tell your HR rep about your crush, who can you tell?” Killian laughed. “I don’t know if you met her. Uh, she’s the new regulator on Boyland’s and my team.”

“Killian.” Brad looked at her seriously. “I have met every single person on this moon base. I have _absolutely_ met Carey. That’s wonderful! She’s delightful. I’m sure you two will be a great couple.”

“Now hold on,” Killian started. She could feel her face heating up.

Brad tilted his head. “You... _are_ planning on asking her out, right? That is what you came to see me for, right?”

Killian groaned and buried her face in her hands. “Uuuuugh, Braaaaad, I don’t knoooow. Feelings are _dumb_ and _complicated_.”

“There, there.” She heard a rustling noise. “Have a hard candy.”

She looked up to see him holding out a small jar of fruit flavoured hard candies. Sighing, she took one. “Thanks.”

“Look, Killian,” Brad said, putting the jar away in his desk again. “You came to me for policies and advice. I gave you the policies, now here’s the advice. You need to take the bull by the horns here. You can’t just wait around for a relationship to happen. It’ll only happen if you make it. You have to take that first step.”

“But—” Killian swallowed. “What if she says no?”

He winked. “To a fine orc specimen like you? Never.” She frowned. “Look, if she says no, she says no. And you’ll learn to live with that, and it’ll suck. It’ll be the worst thing ever. But you’ll live. And you’ll love again.”

Killian bit her lip. “But Brad...what if she says yes?”

Brad smiled. “Isn’t that the hope?”

“I mean _yeah_ , but—”

He pointed at the poster. “Hang in there, kitten. You’ve got this.”

~~~

It wasn’t until Boyland walked in on her practising asking Carey out in the mirror that Killian agreed to do something about it, and even then it was only so she wouldn’t have a cranky old dwarf pestering her about her love life. She didn’t know if it would end up being weird or not. After all, they’d only known each other for four months, and a lot of that time had been awkwardly dancing around each other. But Brad and Boyland were right, as much as Killian hated to admit it. If she wanted this to happen, she’d have to do something about it herself.

And if Carey wasn’t...if she didn’t…

Well. She’d cross that bridge if she got to it.

It had been a while since Killian had a date. After she joined the Bureau, she hadn’t had much time, and before that she’d spent a lot of time and energy pretending to be straight before realising she wasn’t. Besides that, orc courting customs were...generally frowned upon by most other cultures. She didn’t figure Carey would be much impressed by Killian slaying an owlbear in single combat for the honour of her hand. (Or maybe she would. Who knew.)

But hey, Killian was adaptable. She could figure these things out.

Her problem now was that she didn’t know how to ask without it being weird. She definitely didn’t want to do it where there were a lot of people around, but they didn’t exactly spend a lot of time in private. Most of their time together was spent in the training rooms, the mess hall, or out on the quad. And Carey was smart; she’d know something was up immediately if Killian asked to talk to her in private.

Then, of course, there was the problem of what to actually _say_. Killian had never been the best with words, but surely just saying “hey would you like to go on a date sometime” wasn’t _that_ difficult or complicated, right? Right.

Eventually, after several weeks of hemming and hawing, Killian decided to just go for it. After all, what was the worst that could happen?

She told Boyland what she was planning, if only so he’d clear out quickly after training so she could be alone with Carey for a few minutes. This was a mistake.

“Well,” Boyland said loudly, stretching his arms over his head so his back cracked, “I guess it’s time for me to be on my merry way. You kids have fun, now.”

It took all of Killian’s self control not to start slamming her head into the nearest wall. Carey gave Boyland a sort of weird look. “Alright…? Thanks for announcing that, I guess.”

“No problem.” Boyland winked and wandered out of the training room, slapping Killian on the ass on the way out. “Knock ’em dead, kid.”

If the ground could open up and swallow Killian right now, it would be merciful. Because now Carey was looking at _her_ sort of weird, and she suddenly forgot how speech worked. “Is everything cool?” Carey asked.

“Fine,” Killian blurted. “I...everything’s fine, it’s cool.” Apparently, speech was back, but broken as hell. Great. “Listen, could I, maybe, like, ask you? Something?”

“Sure.” She looked wary and ready to bolt. “Are you _sure_ everything’s cool?”

Killian took a deep breath and tried a smile. It felt wobbly on her face, but it was there. “I was just thinking.”

Carey raised a brow, a smile tugging the corners of her mouth. “That can be dangerous.”

She stuck out her tongue. “Rude. Anyway, I kind of wondered if, maybe, we could, like, you know.” And there she went again. Fuck. “Spend time together? Like, outside of training.”

“We already do.”

“No, I mean yeah, I mean...different.” Killian swore and ran a hand through her hair. “Look, I...I was thinking of like...a date.”

All the wariness fell out of Carey’s posture and she stood up straight, face soft and jaw slack. “Oh.”

“I mean, if you don’t want to that’s fine too,” Killian added. “I don’t want to, like, pressure you? But I just think you’re super cool and I like when we spend time together. And I wanted to do more of it, maybe? If you’d rather keep it platonic that’s...I’ll live, but like I just...you’re funny and pretty and I like you a lot, and—”

Carey was laughing. Killian stopped talking. “Uh.”

“No, sorry, I just—you’re ridiculous, you know that?” Carey flashed her a sharp-toothed grin. “You know where my room is. Pick me up at six.”

She turned to go and Killian picked her jaw up off the floor. “Wait, what? You—what?”

Carey looked over her shoulder at her, grinning and flashing her a wink. “You heard me. Dress nice.”

And then she was gone, and Killian had the biggest, stupidest grin on her face, and she was very glad no one was there to see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brad Bradson is a very very good boy and I'm so glad I was able to work him into this.


	5. The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carey has agreed to a date with Killian. Only time will tell whether she regrets it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slams hands on the table* LESBIANS LESBIANS LESBIANS

Carey was grinning all the way back to her room. Gods, the look on Killian’s face! She looked like she’d died where she stood!

It wasn’t until she’d made it to her dorm and shut the door behind her that the reality of the situation sank in. Killian had asked her out. Like, on a _date_. And she’d said _yes_.

What had she been _thinking_? This was a disaster waiting to happen. She couldn’t go on a _date_ with _Killian_. They weren’t...like that. They hardly knew each other! Although, she supposed, that was kind of the _point_ of going on a date, wasn’t it? To get to know each other? And she did want to get to know Killian a little better, if she was honest. Just...a little. Killian was pretty damn cool, after all, and those _muscles_ , goddamn. But she maybe would’ve preferred it if they didn’t have the whole ‘date’ stigma surrounding them. If they were on a date, she had to, like...act like a date. And Carey had never been very good at that part.

Yeah, sure, she was a fucking catch, she knew that. Any woman would be lucky to have her. But when she was on what she knew to be a date, things got kind of awkward. She always felt...inadequate. She wasn’t enough of a butch, or a femme, or whatever her date was into. She was scrawny and small for a dragonborn, which wasn’t generally what people expected. And she wasn’t feminine enough—or at all, really. Most of her real, actual dates, not the ones where she went home with them after for a quick tumble and a “call me later” (she never did) ended...badly.

But Killian had asked her out with no preconceived ideas of what Carey was. She knew _exactly_ what Carey was. They’d spent enough time together for that, at least. Carey had always been against dating within her work. It hardly ever worked out, partly because rogues were a sneaky, backstabbing sort. It came with the profession. But with Killian…

Well. It was worth a shot, anyway.

~~~

She could feel Anka’s eyes on her as she paced. “What are you looking at?” she snapped.

Anka smirked. “You know, for someone who supposedly doesn’t care about this date all that much, you’ve worked yourself into quite a tizzy. She’s not late yet.”

Carey flipped them off. “I’m an assassin. I’m used to everything running on a very tight schedule. I get antsy when I have to wait. So sue me.”

They opened their mouth to say something, but before they could there was a knock at the door. Anka laughed when Carey scrambled for it, and she had to resist the urge to flip them off again. She took a moment, checked herself over to make sure she looked alright—she looked great, of course she did, why was she even worried hahahaha—before opening the door.

Killian wasn’t a person that Carey would describe as “fancy.” She wore simple chain mail that had seen better days when she was working or training, and plain, sleeveless tunics and leggings when she wasn’t. Carey didn’t have the biggest frame of reference, but she’d never seen Killian wearing any kind of makeup, and the only perfume she wore was Eau de Sweaty Orc. She didn’t have a lot of fancy, expensive things, or talk with weird, big, fancy flourishes, like Magic Brian. She was beautiful (something Carey was startled to admit to herself), but fancy? Not really.

So it was super weird to see her all dolled up in a _dress_. Not just any dress, but one with _lace_. Carey suddenly realised her jaw was hanging open and she quickly shut it again. “Oh, uh, hi,” she said, and this was _not_ how she wanted their date to start, dammit. “Is it that time already? I didn’t even notice.” She heard Anka blow a raspberry behind her and fought back a snarl. Anka was the _worst_.

Killian squirmed. Her hands hung down by her sides, alternating between balling into fists and forcibly unclenching, like she wasn’t sure what to do with them. Carey couldn’t stop staring at the dress. It was...not something she would’ve guessed Killian owned, honestly. It was knee-length and colourful, with sleeves that seemed far too tight over Killian’s magnificent arms to be comfortable. There was a black lace overlay over the whole thing, and it had a high collar that looked like it was choking the life out of her. Honestly, it looked _super_ gaudy. Carey wasn’t totally convinced it was even Killian’s to begin with.

“Are you ready to go?” Killian asked. “Oh, wait, no, sorry,” she said before Carey could reply, “I’m supposed to say hi first. Um. Hi, Carey.”

Carey leaned casually on the doorframe like she hadn’t been rehearsing this in her head for the last two hours. “Hi, Killian. I’m ready for our _date_.”

Killian flushed a dark bluish-green. It was cute. Carey stood a little straighter. “Right! So you’re ready! To go! Then! So! Let’s go!” She turned and started to walk off, then scrambled back. “Wait, hold on, um.” She offered Carey her arm.

“My, what a gentleorc,” Carey teased, but she took her arm anyway. Killian was doing her best, and honestly? It was so, _so_ nice to be treated like someone who deserved to be treated with care. “Bye, Anka. Don’t wait up.”

“Eat dirt,” Anka said cheerfully as Carey shut the door behind her.

~~~

“I can’t believe we got all dolled up to come _here_.” Carey propped her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands, surveying the Bureau’s mess hall.

Across from her, Killian fidgeted in her seat. “I...it was the only place I could think of on such short notice. There’s all these hoops you have to jump through to use the cannons for personal use, and there wasn’t enough time, and I couldn’t think of anywhere else on the base to get a bite to eat, so…”

“No, no, I get it.” Carey sighed. “I just...well, if I’d known this was where we were going I wouldn’t have put so much effort into looking so good.” She’d barely done anything. Well, she’d put on her nicest, cleanest shirt. And she’d spent a solid hour on just her eyeliner. Wings this perfect took _work_. Oh, and of course there was the scale polishing. _So much_ scale polishing.

Oh. Maybe she’d been more invested in looking good for this date than she’d thought.

Killian smiled at her, and Carey’s heart flopped over in her chest. “I’d say it was worth it. You look lovely.”

Carey preened, doing her best not to look like the comment affected her in any way other than to stoke her ego. “Why thank you. I could say the same about you.” She winked. “So I will. You look...great, you look great.” Killian looked like she was being strangled by lace, but Carey wasn’t totally insincere. She was a good looking orc, no matter what she wore.

“Thanks.” Killian looked down at their trays, covered in several kinds of meat. “I’ll admit, this kind of outfit is...kind of out of my comfort zone, so it’s nice to hear you say that.”

Carey gave her a smile that felt a little strained and grabbed her fork. “Well, let’s, eat? I guess? Don’t want this getting cold, right?”

“Carey, it’s all cold foods.”

“Can’t hear you, eating,” Carey said, stabbing a piece of beef and shoving it in her mouth.

They ate in awkward silence for several long minutes. Carey had cleared half her plate by the time Killian cleared her throat and spoke up. “I’m...I’ll be honest, Carey, I didn’t think you’d agree to this.” Carey looked up at her, eyes conveying confusion in a way that her mouth, full of stromboli, could not. “I mean, I’m glad you did! Don’t get me wrong! But, you know.” She shrugged and looked back at her tray, pushing some weird green thing around her plate with her fork. “There’s always some anxiety when you ask a pretty girl out for the first time.”

Carey’s heart stuttered, and this time she felt some stray static electricity tingle across the back of her neck. “O-oh?” There was something about the way Killian complimented her that made her know she was being totally serious, even if she wouldn’t look at her when she did it.

Killian shrugged and jabbed at the green thing. “Well, yeah. And besides that, I wasn’t sure you’d totally forgiven me for...well. For dragging you into all this.” She gestured around the mess hall with her fork. “The B.O.B. and everything. I know you didn’t like me at all for a while there, but I wondered—hoped, really—if you’d maybe, like, changed your mind about that after so long.” She smiled at Carey again. “If this date is any indication, I think I was right.”

“I think maybe you were, too.” Carey closed her mouth tightly to prevent anything else embarrassing from coming out of it. Yeah, she’d kind of hated Killian at first. It was her fault she was stuck up here to begin with, after all. But honestly, Killian wasn’t a bad person, and she didn’t deserve her ire.

Did she deserve her love? Well, they weren’t anywhere close to being there yet. But time would tell.

Killian was smiling wider now, and her tusks framed her face real nice when she smiled like that. “I’m glad. I...um.” She seemed to shrink down a little, almost, and finally chomped down on the green thing. She didn’t say anything while she was chewing.

This was silly. They were both way overthinking the whole ‘date’ business, and it was clearly fucking them both up real bad. Carey stood up abruptly, enjoying the startled way Killian looked at her. “Let’s go.”

She swallowed. “Where?”

“I don’t care, let’s just get out of here already.” She bounced on the balls of her feet. “Like, rubadubdub thanks for the grub and all that, but I’m getting antsy just sitting here, and I know you are too. Let’s go _do_ something.”

Killian stood too, and opened her mouth to say something. Suddenly her eyes went wide and her mouth snapped shut, and she backed up against the wall behind their table. “Carey,” she said quietly, “I might have...a _tiny_ problem.”

Frowning, Carey turned to look behind her. She didn’t see anything that would give Killian that kind of reaction. “What’s up?”

“It’s, um.” She swallowed. “I have a confession to make. This, uh, isn’t my dress. I borrowed it from my roommate, and she’s a little smaller than me.”

Carey raised a brow. “How much smaller?”

“Not _that_ much,” Killian protested. “Just, I’m an orc, she’s a half orc, you know. She’s not quite as, uh…” She trailed off, looking for the right word.

“Beefy?” Carey suggested.

“Sure, beefy, yeah.” Killian’s blush was back, but she was clearly still uncomfortable. “Um, anyway, Pebbles let me borrow her dress, but it’s kind of small and I, uh.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I ripped it.”

Carey’s eyes widened. “When? Just now?” Killian nodded, clearly mortified. “Where?”

“Up the back seam. Like... _all the way up_ the back seam.”

“Oh.” Carey peeked around behind her as much as she could. “Okay. So. This is fine. We’ll just, uh, get you to Fantasy Costco—it’s not too far, right? And we’ll get you some clothes that fit, and everything will be fine. Yeah. Don’t sweat it.”

Killian looked at her pleadingly. “Will you...this is gonna sound weird, I’m sorry, will you stick behind me to keep my dress shut? Because if I move too far too fast like this, I’m gonna be three hundred pounds of naked orc running around the base, and nobody wants that.”

“Yeah, nobody, right,” Carey said, definitely not feeling a shock run through her at the image. “Okay, sure. Fantasy Costco it is.”

~~~

“This feels more comfortable,” Killian said.

Carey sat crosslegged on the ottoman outside the Fantasy Costco’s changerooms and admired Killian’s new clothes. A fresh shirt with no sleeves, with tiny threads and beads sewn into it to look like the night sky. Black breeches that sat around her waist, the shirt tucked into them so her new belt was visible, too. And knee high boots instead of the high heels Killian had been stumbling around in all evening. She looked like a million bucks, which was funny since the whole outfit cost maybe fifteen gold. “You look more comfortable,” she said. “Not that the other dress wasn’t, um, nice, but—”

Killian shook her head. “You don’t have to say that just to make me feel better.”

“Oh. Then it was awful. I have no idea what your roommate saw in it.”

She laughed. “I know! Pebbles has just...the _worst_ fashion sense. But it was all either of us had that was good for. You know. A date.”

“Dude, you could have shown up in the grungiest shit and I still would’ve gone with you.” Carey stood and offered Killian her arm. “Well, my lady? The rest of the night awaits.”

Laughing, Killian took her arm. “Let me pay for these first, and then we’ll be good to go.”

~~~

“How about that guy?”

Killian shook her head. “No, that’s Tempest. He’s a seeker; that’s all I know about him.”

Carey shoved her. “That’s when you make something up! Gods, haven’t you ever been people-watching before?” Killian shook her head, bemused. “Oh my gods. Okay, so basically you just look around at random people and make up what you think their life story is. So for example, that guy—you said his name was Tempest? Well he’s a triton, so I’d say he wound up here because he got really, _really_ lost one day, I mean just like _super_ lost. Like the most lost you can possibly be.”

Killian laughed. “I’m...not sure I’m any good at this.”

“Come on, you haven’t even tried it yet.”

She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, looking at Carey. “I don’t really want to talk about strangers. I’d rather talk about you.”

Carey faltered. “I...I’m not great at talking about me. I’d rather talk about strangers.”

“Alright, how about this.” Killian looked around at the people milling about on the quad. “I’ll tell you a story about a random stranger, and then you have to tell me a story about yourself.” She leaned back against the bench they were sitting on. “Fair?”

Carey swallowed. She hated talking about herself. She never knew what people were looking for her to say. But, she supposed, Killian wouldn’t know if she was telling the truth or not. “Okay,” she said. “You go first.”

Killian rolled her eyes, but looked out over the people until her eyes landed on a human woman in well-polished, fancy chain mail. “That’s Marlena Hightower. She’s a regulator like us, but she’s on a different team so I don’t know her that well. Apparently she’s part of a well-known noble family. I don’t know how she wound up here…” She caught sight of Carey’s judgmental expression. “But if I had to guess,” she added, “I’d say it was for love.”

Carey sat up a little straighter. “Ooh.”

“Yeah, her parents got her engaged to some guy so she ran away with the guy she’s been in love with for years. And the Bureau was the only place where they could escape from her family.”

Carey gave her a friendly slug in the arm. “See, you’ve got it! Just make something up!”

“Your turn, then.” Killian turned back to Carey. “I’ll ask you a question, and you just have to answer honestly, okay?”

“Okay.” She was going to lie through her teeth. This was a lying game, after all, a game of make-believe, of fiction. And rogues like her were all about improvisation and shit. This was fine.

“So what’s your family like?” Killian asked.

Carey blinked. “That’s...I mean I would’ve told you that if you’d just asked.”

Killian shrugged. “I figure I’ll start off small, you know? No sense getting into, like, big philosophical questions on our first date.”

Carey filed away the word ‘first’ for later. “Mom and Dad are...fine. Dad’s a thief, Mom’s an assassin. I went more in Mom’s footsteps. Jeremy is...kind of a turd, I guess, but what brother isn’t, you know?” Killian laughed, but it was a little hollow, so she cleared her throat and changed the subject. “Anyway, your turn.”

“My turn, right.” Killian looked back out over the quad. After a moment, she pointed at a female elf reading a book under a tree, ignoring a half-orc woman trying to make conversation. “I see those two together a lot, but I don’t know much about them. The elf is Caelynn Some-Kind-of-Weird-Elf-Family-Name-With-Too-Many-Apostrophes.” Carey laughed. “The half-orc is...um...I think Olivia? Or possibly Yvelda? I forget. Something like that. Yvelda has a crush on Caelynn and Caelynn pretends she doesn’t have a crush on Olivia, but she _totally_ does.”

“I thought you said you weren’t good at this,” Carey said accusingly.

Killian shrugged. “I’m just making shit up as I go. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Yeah, that’s how the game works!” Carey elbowed her. “You’re killing it, Kills.”

Killian ducked her head a bit, but Carey could still see her blush and her smile. “So because I did two people, do I get two questions?”

Carey’s gut clenched. “I...I guess.”

Killian propped her chin in one hand and looked at her. “What do you like to do for fun, and can we do it together next time?”

Static tingled across her face. Carey jumped to her feet and started to pace. “Um. H-hey, look, what’s with these questions? Like, why are we playing this whole game thing if you’re not going to ask me the hard questions?”

Killian watched her for a moment. “I’m afraid that if I don’t give you a reason to answer them—like that it’s part of a game—then you won’t talk to me,” she admitted. Carey stopped pacing and looked at her. Killian was looking down at her lap. “You’re a lot of things, Carey. Cool, and nice, and pretty, and...and I like all those things about you. But you’re also kind of standoffish. And I want to get to know you better, but I can’t if you won’t let me.” She looked back up at Carey. “So I figured maybe if we disguised this as a game, maybe you’d be more comfortable talking about this kind of stuff with me. I don’t want to pry, I just want to talk. I like you a lot, Carey. I think I could like you more if we had more that we talked about besides work.” She paused, biting her thumbnail. “I’m sorry for not being upfront about this whole thing. But I didn’t know how else to get you to open up.”

Hesitantly, Carey sat down on the bench again. She took a deep breath. “How about this,” she said. “Fuck other people, am I right? You ask me a question, and I’ll ask you a question. And we can pretend we’re serious grownups who know how to talk to their fucking dates.”

Killian’s grin was infectious, and Carey could feel herself starting to grin back. “And we’ll both answer honestly?”

“Absolutely,” Carey said, and this time she meant it.

~~~

“Well.” Carey rocked back on her heels. “This is me.”

“Yeah.” Killian stood in front of her, holding one of Carey’s hands with one hand and clutching the Fantasy Costco bag that held Pebbles’s ruined dress in the other. “Um, I had a lot of fun tonight, despite how things started.”

Carey snorted. “Me too. Glad it wound up not being, like, an absolute disaster, because I’m not gonna lie? It kinda started out that way.”

“Next time I’ll figure something out ahead of time,” Killian promised.

“You mean _we’ll_ figure something out ahead of time,” Carey corrected her. “Don’t think you’re the only one who gets to have any fun.”

“Maybe we can apply to go off base,” Killian suggested. “It doesn’t usually take too long to get the paperwork filed through—a day at most. Davenport’s really efficient.”

Carey cocked her hips and smiled. “Am I even allowed offsite if we’re not on a mission?”

Killian squeezed her hand. “I told you a month ago, you earned my trust. If you were going to run off and disappear without a trace, you would’ve done it already.” She winked. “Besides, you’d be with one of the Bureau’s top regulators. I’m sure she’d find you no matter where you hid.”

“Mm, and she’s so _modest_ , too,” Carey said with a smirk. “We should go hiking. I’ve always liked hiking.”

Killian brightened. “Have you ever been to the Teeth? It’s the mountain range just outside Rockport. I used to go mountain climbing around Letterman’s Gap all the time growing up.”

“There’s a really cool nature reserve on the outskirts of Neverwinter, too,” Carey said. “I had to murder a guy there once. It’s a nice place.”

It spoke volumes that Killian didn’t even bat an eye at Carey’s reasoning for being at a nature reserve. “Hell yeah, that sounds great. I can put the paperwork in tomorrow and we can go Friday, if that works for you.”

Carey dropped Killian’s hand and hugged her around the waist. “Sounds fantastic, babe.”

She could hear Killian’s heart beat faster where her head was pressed against her chest. Killian’s arms wrapped around her and squeezed her tight, Fantasy Costco bag bumping against her back. “I’ll—I’ll get on that, then. Um. I had a real nice time, Carey.”

Carey pulled back and grinned, showing off her sharp teeth. She didn’t miss the way Killian’s eyes flicked to them. “Same here. I’ll see you at training tomorrow.”

Killian waved as Carey opened the door to her dorm room and disappeared inside, closing the door behind her and leaning up against it with a hand pressed to her chest. She’d just had a _date_. With _Killian_. And they were setting up a _second_ date for a couple days from now.

She was so ecstatic that she even managed to ignore her roommates hollering at her from across the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The various background characters in this chapter are all D&D characters I've played over the years! In order, we have:
> 
>   * Pebbles (half-orc ranger, actually named Jupiter, nicknamed Pebbles by the party bard Bartholo because one time she exploded a goblin's head with a rock)
>   * Tempest (triton wild magic sorcerer, former jeweler, afraid of his own surges, ended the campaign happily married to an NPC named Frederick)
>   * Lady Marlena Lucretia Hightower (human noble fighter, knight from a long line of knights, basically a fantasy cop, always trying to protect people and do what is Right)
>   * Caelynn (high elf wizard, former librarian, very snooty towards anyone who's not as smart as she is, baby's first D&D character)
>   * Yvelda/Olivia (half-orc ranger, goes by either orc or human name depending on the situation, prone to running screaming across the battlefield wielding two short swords
> 



	6. The Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian likes Carey a whole heckin' crazy lot. And that means she trusts her.
> 
> Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Killian use your woooooords

Killian was walking on air. She hadn’t been to the Teeth in years; it had been so nice to see all her favourite old places again. Letterman’s Gap, of course, and the little ponds she’d named the Cavities when she was sixteen and thought she was clever. But more than that, it was great to share the experience with someone she cared about.

Carey had taken to mountain climbing like a champ, like it was something she did all the time. She’d scamper up a sheer rock face to a tiny ledge and perch there to wait for Killian to catch up, chatting away with her the whole time. It had been her idea to bring a picnic for when they got to a relatively flat space, and while they’d never found anything that could really be considered ‘flat,’ they did find an area near Letterman’s Gap that was more conducive to sitting down and shoving dried meat in your face. They’d gotten a brief view through the Gap of the Rockport Limited going by underneath them, and Killian had to physically restrain Carey from trying to board it.

All in all, it had been a great second date. Even the part where Boyland was waiting for them when they came back to tease and poke fun at them was alright.

Killian was already set to submit paperwork so they could go to Carey’s nature reserve for their third.

~~~

The loudspeaker in the training hall’s changeroom chimed. “Killian Crushbone, please report to the Director’s office.”

“What’s that about?” Carey asked, looking up from sharpening one of her daggers.

Killian stretched so her back popped. “Probably just a solo mission or something.”

Carey looked surprised. “We get those?”

“Oh, sure.” Killian shrugged. “I was on one when I found you. Boyland goes on a lot too.”

Carey didn’t say anything for a moment, looking lost in thought. Killian took the opportunity to tug on her boots. “ _I’ve_ never been sent on a solo mission,” she finally said.

Killian shrugged again. “You’re still new. You’ve only been on, what, four missions? Besides, not going on missions is a good thing. It means we’re not losing people to the Grand Relics’ thrall.”

“I guess.”

Killian knelt in front of her, taking one of Carey’s hands in both of hers. “Hey. It’s not that we don’t trust you, alright? That’s not it. Please don’t think that’s what it is.”

Carey smiled, but there was something unconvincing about it. “I know.”

“Okay, so long as you know.” Killian stood up. “See you in a few hours, probably. Maybe a day if things get hairy.”

She waved. “Have fun.”

Getting called to the Director’s office always felt weird. Killian knew she wasn’t in trouble—she hadn’t done anything that warranted being in trouble. She’d even checked with HR before asking out a coworker! She definitely wasn’t in trouble! But there was always that lingering anxiety, that touch of fear in her gut that maybe, maybe she _was_ in trouble this time. Maybe she’d done something she wasn’t supposed to without knowing she wasn’t supposed to do it, and now she was in Big Shit. Killian shoved that anxiety down and refused to let it spread. No. She’d never been called to the Director’s office to get reprimanded before, and there was no reason for that to be the case now. There was no reason to worry.

Killian pushed the office door open to find the Director sitting in her chair on the dais, reading a large book, her white oak staff resting against the side of the chair. She looked up as Killian came in. “Ah, Killian,” she said, standing up and setting her book aside. “Good to see you.” She gestured to some chairs at the side of the room. “Have a seat.”

The anxiety came back in full force. The Director never asked her to ‘have a seat’ during mission briefings. She _was_ in trouble.

She sat down.

The Director came and sat next to her, carrying her staff. “How are you, Killian?”

Killian eyed her suspiciously. “Fine?”

“Excellent. Glad to hear it.” She paused, looking at her hand in her lap, as though trying to figure out what to say. “How’s Carey?”

And there it was. “Look, Madam Director, I have a lot of respect for you—you’re my boss, you’re running this whole organization by yourself and all that and that’s cool and great and all—but my relationship with Carey—it really isn’t any of your business, you know?”

“Relationship?” Her brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Killian immediately felt like an idiot. “Uh. You know.”

“No, I didn’t know.” The Director hid her smile behind her hand. “Well, I wish the two of you the best.”

“Thanks.” She was so _stupid_. Of course the Director didn’t know about their relationship. Or care about it. She had a hundred employees to deal with; why would she care about something like who was dating who? She was _such_ an idiot.

A thought suddenly occurred to her. “Wait, if you weren’t going to talk about that, why did you ask about Carey?”

The Director stood gracefully, turned just so that Killian couldn’t see her face. “I have a mission for a regulator.”

Killian nodded. “Yeah, that’s...what I figured. I’m just confused why you haven’t briefed me on it yet.”

“It’s not for you.” The Director turned to her. “Please don’t misunderstand me, Killian. You are, without a doubt, one of our best. But this particular mission requires some level of...not kicking the door in and wrecking shop. It requires delicacy. It requires stealth.” She gave her a pointed look. “It requires someone who knows more about how to get in and out without being noticed than anyone else on this base.”

Her eyes widened a fraction. “You want to send in Carey.”

“I do.” The Director kept her eyes on Killian’s. “This is an important mission, but it’s also going to serve as a test. If Carey finishes the mission and returns, then there’s no problem and it means we can easily trust her. If she doesn’t…” She shook her head. “It’s been several months, and you’ve spent more time with her than anyone else. You were the one who volunteered to put her on your team, to show her the ropes, as it were.” Her eyes crinkled at the corners when she smiled. “In light of...recent developments, I suppose I can’t count you as an unbiased opinion anymore. But what do you think? Can we trust Carey to go out, complete this mission, and come back?”

Killian opened her mouth to say yes, of course they could trust Carey. But the words wouldn’t come out. Killian trusted her, yes, of course she did. She trusted Carey with her life when they went on missions, she trusted her to watch her back. Carey had saved her and Boyland’s lives on their first mission together! How could she _not_ trust her?

Except... _did_ she trust her, really? She still had Avi under strict orders not to let her off the base by herself, but that was just because she hadn’t gotten around to talking to him about it, right? No, there was a part of her that was afraid that Carey would run away if she ever got the chance, and that Killian would be sent to find her. And she wasn’t sure if it would be worse if she couldn’t find her or if she could.

No. This was stupid. She trusted Carey. Trusted her with her life. Trusted her to do what was right. Trusted her to come home. Her stupid misgivings were just that—stupid.

“Killian?”

She smiled up at the Director. “Absolutely, ma’am.”

~~~

“And you’ll call me and Boyland in if things get hairy, right?”

“Yeah, _Mom_.” Carey rolled her eyes, tightening the straps on her leather armor. “Kills, stop worrying. I’m a professional. I know what I’m doing.”

Gods, she loved it when Carey called her ‘Kills.’ “I know that,” she said, leaning against the wall of Carey’s dorm room as she watched her get ready. Carey wouldn’t tell her what the Director needed her to do. “That’s classified,” she would say smugly when Killian asked. Killian figured she was enjoying knowing something about the Bureau that Killian didn’t. “But I’m still going to worry. That’s just the way it is.”

Carey paused in the middle of rolling up her toolkit, then quickly rolled it up the rest of the way and tucked it safely in a pouch hanging from her belt. Killian suddenly found herself with her arms full of dragonborn. “I worry about you when you go off by yourself too, you know,” she said quietly.

Killian hesitantly put her arms around Carey’s shoulders, but said nothing. Gods, she felt terrible. But she just...couldn’t let go of the idea that Carey was going to leave her—leave _them_ , leave the Bureau, that was what was important here, not Killian’s dumb feelings.

Carey pulled away after a moment. “I’m not gonna be able to contact you once I’m down there,” she warned. “It’s a stealth mission. I’ve gotta go dark.”

“I know.”

She held up her bracer. “So I just press the rune on this thing to get a return trip, right?”

Killian nodded. “Yeah, that’s all there is to it. Just make sure you get out of the way, too.”

Carey laughed, and Killian’s gut wrenched. She was an awful person. Why couldn’t she just believe Carey would come back? Why did she have to be like this? The Director’s words from earlier came back to her. “This is an important mission, but it’s also going to serve as a test.”

Why did she feel like she was being tested just as much as Carey was?

Clawed fingers ruffled her hair. “Gods, you are such a worrywart,” Carey teased. “I’ll be back before you know it. See you in a few hours.”

Killian left her at the hangar door and went to the training room to punch something.

~~~

“If you ask me whether I’ve gotten a request for a cannonball, I swear to literally _every single god_ I will lock you out of the hangar.”

Killian rolled her eyes at Avi and flopped down next to the cannon he was tinkering with. “What’re you doing?”

“I’m _working_.” He poked his head out from the mouth of the cannon to glare at her. “You can’t just visit me every ten minutes because you’re bored and worried about your girlfriend.”

She sputtered. “I’m not _worried_. And she’s not technically my girlfriend yet. We’ve just gone on a couple dates, that’s all. She’s my _teammate_.”

“Sure,” Avi said. “And Johann and I are ‘just friends.’” Killian glared at him, and he sighed. “Look, Killian, I get it. It’s her first mission on her own. You want to make sure she comes back okay. But you know Carey! She’s totally capable of handling herself out there. She’ll be _fine_.” Killian didn’t say anything, and he reached down from his cannon perch to pat her on the shoulder. “I know that’s not the only reason you’re worried. I’ll get a ping for a cannonball. She’ll come back to us. I know she will. _You_ know she will.”

Killian picked at a stray thread coming undone from a seam in her leggings. “I know. That’s not going to stop me from worrying. I don’t do well with problems I can’t just, like, kick the door in on, you know? That’s why I work best with a partner, like Boyland, or a team.”

He shrugged and disappeared back into the cannon. “I can’t stop you from worrying,” he said, voice echoing. “But I wasn’t kidding about locking you out of the hangar. I can and I will.”

Muttering under her breath about how all her friends were jerks, Killian stood up to leave when a loud beep came from the cannon’s control panel. She rushed to it, Avi scrambling out of the cannon behind her. She had no idea what anything on the panel meant, but there was a map of Faerûn, and there was a light blinking on it just outside Phandalin, and she could guess. “Is that her?” she demanded as Avi ran off to load a capsule into the cannon.

“Probably?” he said. “She’s not the only person I’ve sent down today, you know. It might be Magic Brian.” At her crestfallen face, he quickly added “It’s probably her, though! Magic Brian was off in Rockport; I can’t see why he’d be around Phandalin.”

Killian nodded and watched as Avi readied the cannon. It was going to be a long wait.

~~~

Killian was beside the capsule immediately when it landed back in the hangar. Avi was laughing at her behind her, and she didn’t care at this point. The door opened and Carey stepped out, and Killian’s heart stopped for a long moment. Carey was covered in dirt and scorch marks and minor scrapes. There were cuts in her armor that hadn’t been there when she left, and her right eye was swollen shut.

Logically, Killian knew she was fine. It was nothing a trip to the medical wing and a quick healing prayer from one of the clerics there wouldn’t fix. But that didn’t stop her from immediately going to Carey and fussing over her.

Carey’s good eye widened when she saw Killian heading for her. Then she grinned. “Hey,” she said when Killian was in front of her.

“I told you to call for backup if you needed it,” Killian said, and that wasn’t what she wanted to say, she wanted to tell Carey how worried she’d been about her, how glad she was to have her back, how she’d never doubt her again and how sorry she was for doubting her in the first place.

But Carey just laughed and said “I didn’t need it. I had everything under control the whole time.”

Killian’s hands hovered over Carey’s shoulders. “I...I need to tell you something. I was scared you wouldn’t come back. And I’m sorry I didn’t trust you as much as I said I did, I wanted to trust you and I don’t really have any reason not to, but—there was no excuse for it, and I’m sorry.”

Carey looked at Killian’s hands while she was talking, then cupped Killian’s face in her hands and smiled. “Hey, I get it. I’d have a hard time trusting me, too, after that first month. I mean, don’t get me wrong, that kinda hurts? But I get it.”

She held Carey by the shoulders. She was so good. Killian didn’t deserve her forgiveness. “Can—can I kiss you?”

Carey laughed in her face. “Gods, you are _such_ a giant fucking nerd. I have no idea how people are intimidated by you.” Before Killian could say anything—she was plenty intimidating, dammit—Carey had planted a kiss on her lips. She pulled back before Killian could do anything about it, grinning. “You thought I was gonna abandon my best girl?” she teased. “How’m I supposed to ditch the Bureau if it also means ditching you?”

Killian kissed her again, because now she was _allowed_. It was a little weird—dragonborn didn’t have lips—but she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Behind her, Avi cleared his throat. “Don’t you need to get healed and debriefed, Carey?”

Killian flipped him off over her shoulder. And from the way Carey moved one hand from her face, she got the feeling that she was flipping him off, too.


	7. The Big Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carey has noticed Killian is acting weird around her. What's going on?

“Great job today, babe.” Killian pressed a kiss to Carey’s temple before heading towards the changerooms. Carey felt the ghost of a smile on her lips. Killian was _such_ a sappy loser it wasn’t even funny. Except it was, a little, but only because it was so unexpectedly sweet. She’d been trying to find excuses to give Carey little kisses and encouragement and affection since they started officially dating four months ago. It was...nice. Carey hadn’t had a real relationship in a while, and she’d definitely never had a partner as attentive as Killian.

Boyland elbowed her in the side a little more forcefully than necessary. “How’s that love life going for you?” He chuckled, lighting a new cigar. “She’s quite a gal, our Killian is.”

Carey smiled down at him. Boyland had become almost as important in her life as Killian in the eight months since she’d joined the Bureau. She and Killian liked to joke that he was like their extra, shared dad. “Yeah, she is,” she agreed.

“Hm.” Boyland coughed, a plume of smoke drifting out of his mouth. “’Course, you know, if you break her heart, I have to kill you for it. That’s just the way it goes.”

She nodded. “Of course. I’d expect no less than half the Bureau to be up my ass.”

“Good girl.” He patted her on the back and wandered off. “Have fun on your date tonight.”

Carey walked into the changeroom to find Killian, shirtless, wiping herself down with a damp towel. She leaned in the doorway and whistled. “Nice.”

Killian threw a grin over her shoulder. “If you’re done ogling my trapezius muscles, young lady?”

“Never. They’re nice muscles.” Carey went to her locker and opened it, pulling out her supplies for a dust bath. “By the way, Boyland finally gave me a shovel talk.”

Behind her, she heard Killian choke out an embarrassed noise. “Oh gods. Carey, I’m so sorry, I’ll have a talk with him, he shouldn’t have—”

“Kills. It’s fine.” Carey turned back to her. Killian was dark green-blue in the face, clutching her towel to her chest. “He’s looking out for you. I thought it was sweet.”

“You have a weird definition of sweet,” Killian muttered, turning away to pull on a fresh tunic and put away her armor. “But if you say so.”

Carey closed her locker and headed for the showers. “See you in a few hours. We’re meeting at the hangar bay, right?”

“Actually, Carey, wait a second.” Carey looked over her shoulder. Killian fidgeted, then said “Uh, never mind. It’s dumb.”

She frowned. Killian had been saying that to her for two weeks now. As cool as she was, she also had absolutely no poker face whatsoever. It was obvious she wanted to talk to Carey about something, but just...wouldn’t. Or couldn’t? Who knew? Not Carey, because Killian wouldn’t _use her fucking words and talk to her like a big girl_.

“Sure, babe, if you say so.”

~~~

“Oh, she’s just like that.” Avi shrugged. “She probably wants to ask you about something, but she’s worried about bringing it up or something like that. So she’s just not talking about it, but the longer she doesn’t talk about it, the more anxious it makes her, and she does this whole downward spiral until she just blurts it out. It’s how she rolls.”

Carey groaned and went to rub her face, remembering how long she’d spent on her makeup just in time. “I wish she’d just spit it out. It’s so obvious she’s overthinking something. And, like, now I’m kind of worried that she’s mad at me but doesn’t want to say anything about it? You know?”

Avi laughed. “If she was mad at you, you’d know about it. Trust me. Whatever Killian’s beef is, it isn’t with you.”

That made her feel a little better, anyway. “Thanks, Avi.”

“No problem.” He gave her a thumbs up. “After the whole drama that was me and Johann six months ago, I figure I have to help people out with their relationships in return.”

She frowned. “There was drama with you and Johann?”

“Oh, yeah, you would’ve still been super new back then, and that was when I wasn’t allowed to talk to you in case I told you about the hangar by accident. Yeah, long story short—oh, hey Killian.”

Strong arms wrapped around Carey from behind, picking her up off the ground as she shrieked to be put down. Killian was laughing, and Carey was laughing, and Avi was shaking his head and telling them to get out of his hangar already.

~~~

They went to a fancy-schmancy restaurant in Goldcliff, all dressed up and everything. Killian even wore a jacket and a shirt with a collar and a flower-print tie for the occasion. Carey, on the other hand, had a little black dress that made allowances for her tail. They looked fancy and fantastic, and dinner was nice, but it would’ve been nicer if Killian hadn’t been so damn cagey the whole time. She played with her food (which she never did), made awkward conversation (which she hadn’t done since their first date), and drank a lot of wine (like a _lot_ ). She was kind of wobbly when she stood up from the table, but she insisted she was fine when Carey asked. “I still want to go for that walk,” she said. “Goldcliff has this park that’s real pretty in the evenings, and who knows when we’ll get back here?”

She made a good point, but Carey still managed to talk her down to a short walk. She was absolutely not babysitting a tipsy orc in a strange park all evening.

Killian had been right about the park being gorgeous at night. Lamps with Dancing Lights cantrips stored in them came to life, casting the park in an almost ethereal glow. Well-dressed people, mostly in pairs, wandered the stone pathways around an artificially made pond. “You were right,” she said, looping her arm through Killian’s. “It is really pretty here.”

Killian smiled and led her down a path. “Told you so.”

“Oh, don’t give me your ‘told you so’ bullshit,” Carey said cheerfully.

They walked in silence for a little while, a more companionable, less awkward silence than the ones that had dominated their dinner conversation. Carey leaned into Killian’s side contentedly. At one point, Killian offered her her jacket, but Carey waved her off. Killian lapsed back into silence after that, and when Carey looked up at her face she could see she was thinking hard about something. She sighed and moved to stand in front of Killian, taking her face in her hands. “What is it?” she asked.

Killian’s eyes widened and her face warmed under Carey’s hands. “What’s what?”

“You know.” Carey rubbed her thumbs over Killian’s cheekbones. “You’ve been wanting to talk to me about something for weeks now. Whatever it is, I can take it. But you have to talk to me, hon. I’m not a mind reader.”

Killian didn’t say anything for a long moment, instead searching Carey’s eyes. “Do you want to move in together?” she blurted.

Carey’s jaw dropped. _That_ was what Killian had been stressing about asking her? For two weeks?

“I mean, well, not right away,” Killian amended. “Just, you know, it’s kind of awkward living in the dormitories and trying to get time alone together without, you know. Roommates. And it’s less, um, just moving into the same dorm together and more applying to have shared private quarters? And there’s a lot of paperwork. I mean we’d have to apply, and then get accepted, and then get put on a waiting list, and it’s a whole bureaucracy thing, but—yeah. I wasn’t sure if it was maybe too early to talk about that, but orc relationships move kind of fast, and I wasn’t sure if it’d be okay with you. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I guess I did by not talking to you about it in the first place, so, um—”

Carey kissed her. Kissing Killian was weird because of her lips, but it was always so, so good. When she moved away, Killian’s eyes were closed, and they took a moment to open up again. She grinned, a light flush to her cheeks that Carey could only see in this dim light because of how close they were. “Is that a yes?” she asked.

“It’s a _hell_ yes,” Carey said, leaning up to kiss her again. This time, instead of pulling away, she pressed their foreheads together. “I’m just glad you’re not mad at me about something, honestly.”

“Oh, geez, no.” Killian had the dopiest grin on her face. “If I’m mad, you’ll know. I’m sorry I worried you.”

“No, don’t be sorry.” Carey hugged her, propping her chin on Killian's shoulder. “You’re adorable. I can’t believe you.”

Killian rocked them side to side a bit. “You’re the adorable one.”

“No, you.”

“No, _you_.”

Carey kissed her again to shut her up. “Should we go back to the base and get started on all that?”

“Yes.” Killian planted a kiss to the end of Carey’s snout. “Let’s do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I'm so annoyed at Avi because I was just writing along and then he opened his mouth and went "btw I'm dating Johann" and I was just like "???? I guess?????"


	8. The Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian goes on a life-changing mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN

“Gods, there’s so much _space_ in one of these private rooms.” Carey spun around their new bedroom. “I can _move_ in here! And there’s a kitchenette! Kills, we can _cook_!”

Killian came in behind her, carrying a box which, according to the hastily scrawled label, contained bedsheets. “We’re still going out for dinner tonight. We haven’t even got any kitchenware yet.”

Carey waved her off and flopped down on the bed. “Okay, yeah, but still! _Look_ at this place!” Killian set the box in the closet and joined Carey at the bed. Carey reached for her hand. “And it’s _ours_. We _live_ here now. With each other.” She was grinning ear to ear. “I can’t believe we finally got here.”

“It only took two months to get everything sorted,” Killian said.

“Only?” Carey said in disbelief. “It felt like way longer, with all those missions. We almost died, like, six times before we even got confirmed that we were going to have our own place.”

Killian nodded. It seemed like they were getting more and more missions lately. She wasn’t sure if the thrall of the Relics was getting stronger or if the Director was getting more desperate. Although, she supposed, it had been almost a year since Killian got recruited, and longer than that since the Bureau was founded. She could definitely see why the Director would be starting to get desperate. Hopefully something changed, and soon.

“Well, get unpacking, I guess,” she said. “I’m gonna go bring in some more boxes.”

The base’s loudspeaker system chimed. “Killian Crushbone, please report to the Director’s office.”

Killian groaned. “Seriously?” she asked the loudspeaker, knowing full well it wasn’t a two-way system.

Carey rolled off the bed and patted her shoulder. “Go get ’em, babe. I’ll have this whole place looking livable by the time you come back.”

Killian looked at the mountain of boxes that hadn’t even made it in from the hallway yet. “Are you sure?”

“Kills, it’s fine.” Carey grinned. “Just don’t take too long, or I’m getting cookware at Fantasy Costco without you.”

Killian gave a mock gasp. “Carey Fangbattle. You _wouldn’t_.”

~~~

“I’m so sorry,” the Director said as soon as Killian set foot into her office. “I know this is your moving day, and normally I’d ask someone else—Boyland, maybe—but frankly, Killian, you’re the best we’ve got, and I need you for this one.”

Killian frowned. “What’s the emergency?”

The Director took a steadying breath. “It’s Magic Brian. We sent him to Phandalin, looking for the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet.” Her grip on her staff tightened. “It’s been two days.”

Killian’s eyes widened. Brian always took extra time on missions because of his tendency to stop and find fresh food for his pet spider, Bryan. But he’d never taken two entire days before.

“It might be nothing,” the Director admitted. “Phandalin is an old mining town, and he might have gotten lost in a mine somewhere. But I’m inclined to believe the worst. I’d like to send you in, just as a precautionary measure. Find Brian, figure out what’s happened to him, and either get him out of whatever tight spot he’s gotten himself into or—well.” She sighed. “Whatever else needs to be done. Understood?”

Killian gave her a thumbs up. “No problem, Madam Director.” Magic Brian was a powerful wizard, but if she got the drop on him, she was confident could handle him.

~~~

The longer Killian was in this mine, the more she thought that maybe Brian _was_ just lost. Who the hell had designed this place, anyway? The goddamn Rockseeker clan must have had no sense of direction or something, because the layout just made no sense. It was like they’d just drilled wherever they found stuff, with no sense of rhyme or reason. Killian had been in mines before. None of them were this ridiculous.

A noise caught her attention, and she flattened herself against a wall. She held her breath and listened. There, just on the other side of a door in a wall, there was the clanging sound of feet hitting metal. She cursed mentally and readied her crossbow. That had to be Magic Brian. Except...no. There were voices, too, ones she didn’t recognise. Actually, one sounded a little like Magic Brian? But his accent was wrong. Either way, there were people on the other side of that door, people she hadn’t accounted for, and now they were people she’d have to deal with. Fuck. This mission just kept getting better and better.

Killian made sure her crossbow was good to go and kicked the door in. Standing on a grated floor were a human, an elf, and a dwarf, all male. They looked just as surprised to see her as she was to see them. The human, a tall man with impressive sideburns and a shield, pointed at her. “Hey!” he said. “I do the kicking around here!”

She pointed her crossbow at them, staring between the three of them. Gods, this wasn’t in the mission briefing. There shouldn’t have been anyone else here. Nobody else should have even known about this mine. It had been lost for years.

The dwarf adjusted his enormous glasses and put a hand on the human’s hip. “Easy, Magnus,” he said.

“Ah, shit,” Killian muttered under her breath. Adventurers. Fantastic. Exactly what she didn’t need right now.

The elf, a wizard judging from the hat, gave a deep, dramatic bow. “Hail and well met!” he said.

“Shh,” she said, “give me—shh!” She didn’t know what to do here. If these bozos got their hands on the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet—or reached Brian before her—she shuddered at the thought. “Sorry,” she said, “just give me one second, I’m trying to...uh...I’m trying to figure this out.”

“Is it a math problem?” Magnus asked.

She paused. Oh boy. “No, it’s, uh...I’m just—I just can’t understand why other people would be here, I’m trying to figure out...whether to kill you guys right away, I don’t have a lot of time…” She was rambling, and she knew it, but she always thought best out loud. “I don’t—I don’t like collateral damage—it does not reflect upon me very well. I’m just trying to crack the code of how other people could be...here.”

There was an awkward pause as the three men looked at each other, then back to her. Finally, the dwarf cleared his throat. “Have you heard the word of Pan today?”

Killian stared. She was pointing a fucking _crossbow_ at him and he was asking her about her _religious practices_? Fucking clerics. “Uh, no thank you, I’m...spoken for.” She took a deep breath. “Okay. Here’s this, here’s the best offer I can make you. I’m going to ask you guys a question.” The human nodded. “You seem like good people. Uh, and—”

“Is it a riddle?” Magnus asked. He seemed excited.

She shook her head. “It might be, depending on sort of where _you’re_ at.”

Magnus beamed. “I love riddles.”

“Great,” she said. Where the _fuck_ was this conversation going anymore? “Depending on your answer to this question, it’s gonna decide, I—I guess what happens next.”

“Oh, like a choose your own adventure!” Magnus said.

Killian shrugged. “Sort of, sure. Only...if, like, ninety percent of the pages were ‘you died.’” Again, _what the fuck_ was happening in this conversation? Was this what adventurers did these days? Engage in confusing and weird conversation to baffle people?

“Okay,” Magnus said, “question on!”

Killian took a breath, trying to word her question properly. “Are you here...for the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet?”

All three of them blinked at her for a moment, then looked at each other, confused. “Uh,” Magnus said, “did you have something stuck in your throat? Like a hair or something?”

“Ah, wait, wait,” the dwarf said. “We are not _kshhdhsshhhh_ hunters.”

She lowered her crossbow and rubbed her forehead. She was going to have a massive headache later. “Okay, so...I just heard like a crackly thing, which actually tells me everything I need to know. Uh, okay, you’re not here for the Gauntlet, and that’s great news for me. But I cannot have you guys getting in my way, so here’s my solution and I think you’re gonna find it very equitable: I’m _not_ going to shoot you with this giant crossbow.”

“Great,” said Magnus.

“I’m for,” the elf said.

Killian reached into her pocket and pulled out her Animator. “Instead...” she said, pointing it at the giant crusher in the middle of the room. A ball of light floated out of the Animator and into the crusher, and while the boys were distracted by it she made her escape, dashing to the ladder on the other end of the room and pulling it up after her. She felt bad as she fled down the hall, but they’d seemed like relatively capable boys—surely they could handle one little animated crusher while she dealt with the real problem.

~~~

Stealth was not Killian’s thing. It was what she had Carey for. Killian was huge and covered in heavy, clanking chain mail. She had never successfully snuck up on anyone before, and she had no idea why she’d thought it would work now. She’d tried to sneak up on Magic Brian while he was distracted with the dwarf (who was he? A Rockseeker?), but of course he’d noticed and immediately plastered her to the wall with webs. That was his _shtick_. It was what Brian _did_ , and he was _good_ at it. They didn’t call him the Black Spider for nothing.

Now she just had to figure out how to get out of here. Brian was a powerful magic user, but if she could get a good hit on him, he’d be down for the count with no issue. Unfortunately, she was stuck from the neck down, and she had no backup.

Magic Brian paraded in front of her, chattering away. “Come on, darling,” he said. “It’s not too far in there now, I know it. And the Director wants to destroy it? Oh, no no no, that would be _so_ bad.”

Footsteps echoed down the hall and Killian perked up. Whoever it was, they couldn’t be worse than being stuck to a wall and having to listen to Magic Brian all day. “Uh, help!” she called.

From down the hall, she heard the elf’s voice. “Eat a big’un!”

Killian sighed. Well, at least they hadn’t died. They had to be somewhat capable. Brian was looking over his shoulder towards the hallway entrance. “Could use a hand down here,” Killian yelled. “It’s, uh...c’mon.” She had no real reason why they should help her. She’d pointed a crossbow at them and then sicced a giant crushing machine on them. They had no reason to trust her! She’d fucked up.

The human—Magnus—rushed into the room, shield up. “Don’t worry, I’ve got my—” He turned to look behind him, and his face fell when he realised he was the only one who had come into the room. The dwarf waddled in unceremoniously after him.

Magic Brian clasped his hands together in glee. “Oh! What a fantastic development! We have guests, dear! How exciting!”

The sad part was that Killian honestly couldn’t tell whether he was being sarcastic or if he was just happy to see them.

The elf poked his head in, saw Magic Brian, and wandered in closer. The dwarf seemed to suddenly notice the unconscious Rockseeker guy next to a pit in the floor as introductions were made (apparently the elf was Taako and the dwarf was Merle?).

“Listen,” Taako said, and it was _uncanny_ how his voice sounded like Magic Brian’s but without the accent, “we’re just here for the, uh, Gundren.” Killian glanced at the unconscious dwarf. That’d be him, then. “You can do whatever you want with the, uh, the orc woman.” Killian glared at him and he flipped her off.

“Oh, Gundren’s purpose has been served,” Brian said airily. Killian’s blood froze. What had he done before she got there? “If you want, you can take him and go, sure!”

“Excellent,” Taako said. “Pleasure doing business with you.”

Magic Brian snapped his fingers, like he was just remembering something. “Oh, I’m sorry, I _will_ need a bit more of his blood, though.”

They started arguing about that, and Killian struggled against the webs. No, she was webbed up real good. Fuck, her fate was in the hands of three guys who wanted nothing to do with her. She absolutely hated today.

“I’m curious to ask,” Magic Brian said, “if you don't mind answering a few questions? Uh, no pressure if you don’t want to. I want you three to feel very comfortable here.” Killian glared at the back of his head, but she had to admit she wanted to know what their deal was, too.

“Oh, please, feel free,” Merle said.

“Uh, how in the fuck do you know about this magical cave-mine?”

Merle shrugged. “Craig’s List.”

Killian rolled her eyes. “I doubt _that’s_ true,” Brian said. He glanced back at her. “Don’t tell me, are you also here for the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet?”

The three boys looked at each other again, frowning. “No?” Magnus said. “Yes?”

“Screw the _kshhht_ ,” Merle said angrily. “I’m here for my cousin!”

“Uh, which one?” Magic Brian asked.

“The orc woman,” Magnus said.

If she got out of this alive, Killian was going to kill everyone in this room and then herself.

Magnus’s hand went for the battleaxe at his hip, and Killian perked up, thinking things were finally going to start kicking off, but then they all started arguing about Gundren and Magic Brian’s name and Killian squirmed, trying to remember how long Brian’s web spell lasted. She was sure it didn’t last longer than a minute, but maybe it was ten minutes? If it was ten minutes, she was absolutely fucked.

“We need to take, uh, Gundren with us,” Taako said, hands on his hips, “we’re going to take the woman, and can you tell us, uh. Here, you’re a magic user like myself, maybe you could tell me. When you say _kshhht_ , all I hear is _kshhht_. Do you know why that might be?”

Killian raised her eyebrows. They were actually planning on rescuing her? That was cute, if a little late in the game.

“Uh, that’s—that’s a tricky situation, isn’t it?” Magic Brian tapped his chin. “Here, this’ll be fun. The reason you can’t hear it when I say ‘Phoenix Fire Gauntlet’ is because the Voidfish has actually erased all knowledge and memory of the Grand Relics and the Relic Wars from the world, you see. So you won’t be able to hear me talk about the Relics until you get inoculated.”

“I caught all of that,” Magnus said, in the tone of a person who had absolutely no idea what was going on anymore. Killian didn’t know exactly how much he’d caught, but she guessed it wasn’t much.

Magic Brian propped a hand on his hip. “So, unfortunately, I’m going to find the solution inequitable, unsatisfactory, and I’m afraid that this is where it ends.”

Magnus grabbed his battleaxe, and Taako whirled towards Killian, fire shooting from his hands. She squeezed her eyes shut, bracing for the heat, but it burned away the webbing and left her untouched. She dropped to the ground and staggered to her feet, bewildered. She looked over at Taako, who was blowing smoke from the ends of his fingers. “Wow, thanks!” she said.

Brian reached into his pouch and grabbed something, throwing it on the ground. She cursed and grabbed for her Animator as Spider Bryan crawled down from the ceiling. She had no idea where Magic Brian had stashed her crossbow, and of course she had no other weapons on her because foresight wasn’t her best skill, so she shouted “Hope this works!” and pressed the button as Merle cast some sort of spell that didn’t appear to do anything. A ball of energy flew from it and disappeared through the giant metal door at the other end of the room. She frowned. Not exactly what she’d been expecting.

And then there came several rapid-fire poundings from the other side of the door, and Killian grinned, knowing her Animator had done its job. Gods bless whoever had brought that little beauty back from their mission for Leon’s gachapon.

“Hey, what’s your name, dear?” Taako called across the room.

Bewildered, Killian looked over to him. He was just standing casually, waiting for her reply. “My name is Killian. Uh, nice to meet you.” She gestured to the giant spider. “Can we do the spider stuff now?” Taako started laughing. “Tell me about—no, come on, now that we’re into this, tell me about your _dad_ ,” she snapped. This was the worst day ever. “Is that what you wanna do _right now_? With—with the double spider situation?”

Magnus charged Spider Bryan, wrapping a chain around its legs and slashing at its eyes with his axe. Killian had never wanted to know what a spider in pain sounded like, but unfortunately now she did. Merle cheered as Taako shot a few Magic Missiles at Bryan.

Magic Brian glanced over at Taako. “Oh! It’s very interesting,” he said, not sounding interested at all. “Is that—was it called Magic Missile? Is that what that was? It was unrecognisable, because this is how _I_ usually do it.” He raised his staff and Killian watched in horror as bolts of energy flew from it, knocking Taako to the ground. Brian tossed his hair. “What’s up now?” he asked.

Killian had no idea what to do. She couldn’t heal Taako, and without any weapons she couldn’t fight. She watched as Spider Bryan took a chunk out of Magnus, as Merle commanded the giant iron doors to open, as the giant robot she’d brought to life—this one had jackhammer arms, _nice_ —all but tackled Bryan into the pit, just barely missing Gundren. She clicked the button on her animator again, but nothing happened—she’d used all the charges it had for today. She patted herself down, trying to think of what other magic items she’d brought with her, but all she had was her Duster of Feather Fall, which wasn’t very useful if you weren’t falling. She ducked behind one of the open iron doors, giving Magnus and Merle a thumbs up. “Good luck, guys!” she said. Merle scoffed. “If you find my crossbow, let me know, but, uh, I’mma go ahead and let ch’all handle this. See what—see what you can _do_!” She hated this. She’d always hated hiding. She liked running in and getting things done, solving her problems herself or with the help of her friends. Hiding and letting someone else do the dirty work for her—she’d always looked down on people who did that. But it wasn't like she had many other options. Running in and punching Magic Brian wasn’t really on the table, and she didn’t have any healing potions on her for Taako.

Thankfully, Magnus did, because he immediately rushed to Taako and poured one between his lips, murmuring something she couldn’t hear. Her heart softened a little as she watched Magnus help Taako sit up. It was clear these guys were actually pretty close. Taako pulled himself to his feet, adjusting his hat, and pointed his wand at Magic Brian. “Abraca _FUCK YOU_ ,” he shrieked as bright darts of energy leapt from his wand and slammed into Brian’s chest. Killian’s jaw dropped as Brian stumbled back a few steps towards the edge of the pit. He was bleeding from the corner of his mouth. She’d always known he was a bit of a glass cannon, but she hadn’t realised he was _that_ fragile.

“Ah, yes,” he said, “it seems that my goose might be cooked, ah? So, ah, just—just one more trick up my sleeve, and we’ll see how you respond to this.”

And with that, he grabbed Gundren by the scruff of the neck and rolled off with him into the pit.

Killian started to come out from behind the door, but she stopped when she saw two identical Gundren Rockseekers pull themselves out of the pit almost simultaneously. She swore under her breath. She didn’t know anything about the real Gundren, and Magic Brian was a master wizard. How was she supposed to be able to tell them apart?

The dwarf on the right looked around and saw his double, then turned to the boys. “Oh my god. Okay, no. I...I think I see what he’s trying to do here. Listen, you have to understand, I’m the real Gundren Rockseeker. You _have_ to believe me. I can tell you anything you wanna know about the Rockseeker clan, I can tell you anything you wanna know about Phandalin, you _have_ to believe me. I’m the real Gundren Rockseeker.” His voice was low and gravelly, and she had no idea if that was what the real Gundren Rockseeker sounded like or not.

She was about to move forward to help when the other one spoke up. “No, you must believe me!” he said in Magic Brian’s voice. Killian covered her face with both hands and tried not to scream. Brian may have been a powerful spellcaster, but apparently he was also a _blithering idiot_.

The boys laughed, Magnus kicked Magic Brian into the pit, and Killian made it over just in time to hear his final words of “Ah, agh, agh, oh no!” as Taako cast another Magic Missile at him. There was a brief moment of silence, and then Killian let out a long, slow whistle. “I _cannot_ believe you guys pulled that off,” she said when the four of them turned to look at her. “Magic Brian is one of the most accomplished, powerful wizards I have ever met in all of my days. I am flabbergasted, frankly, that we all did not perish.”

Magnus put his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest. “Yep!” he said.

“Well, you’re—you’re welcome, I guess,” Taako said breezily, like taking down incredibly powerful wizards was just something he did all the time. “I guess we’re pretty rad.”

Killian looked over the edge of the pit and sighed. Her fucking crossbow was down there with Magic Brian. She looked at the assembled men. “Um. If you’ll excuse me, I need to recover something very quickly.” She pointed at them. “None of you go anywhere.”

“Hold up, hold up,” Magnus said, holding up a hand. “Alright, Killian. Before you go anywhere, what is all of this about?”

She sighed. They had questions. Of course they did. And she _did_ kind of owe them an explanation, after trapping them with a giant crusher machine and then getting them to save her ass. “I promise I will tell you as soon as I am literally able to. Right now I—I absolutely can’t.” Magnus muttered something. “It’s not that I don’t want to—”

“Now listen,” Taako said, and she could tell from the sound of his voice that he was about to be wrong, “I have a little bit of, uh, _expertise_ with the magics. Uh, I’m assuming this is some sort of a...curse? That’s preventing, uh, further discussion from taking place.”

Killian rubbed her forehead. She hated being right. “You’re not even—you’re super, super wrong. You’re like, super duper wrong.” She pulled out her Duster of Feather Fall and tapped herself with it. “BRB!” she said cheerfully before jumping down into the hole.

It wasn’t _too_ deep. Well, it was deep enough that the fall would have mortally wounded Magic Brian, but not so deep that she wouldn’t be able to climb back out again. It might take a little bit, but she’d spent so much time climbing the Teeth growing up, and her actual fighter training had more than prepared her for dumb bullshit like this. She landed gently next to Spider Bryan’s corpse and grimaced. Magic Brian had landed on top of it, so she’d have to climb Bryan to get to Brian. She already kind of hated spiders, and this one was hairy as fuck and bloody and missing legs and just way more gross than it needed to be. The hair actually made the climb easier, giving her something to grab ahold of, but _still_.

Magic Brian was a charred, beaten body at the top and she shook her head. It hadn’t needed to end like that. Brian could be kind of a weird, annoying guy, that was for sure, but he hadn’t been such a bad guy before this. But she’d seen the effects of the Gauntlet’s thrall firsthand. He’d _told_ her what his plans for it were. She couldn’t have let him live, no matter what.

Her crossbow wasn’t too difficult to find. He’d dropped it when he landed, so it was just next to him. Killian strapped it to her back and looked at the giant wall she now had to scale. Taking a deep breath, she ran across the spider’s giant belly and launched herself at the wall.

Climbing it wasn’t too difficult, like she’d thought. There was a terrifying moment where one of her hands slipped, but other than that she did pretty well. Killian hauled herself over the edge and looked up to ask for a little help, but her heart stopped in her chest.

They were gone.

Cursing them all out under her breath, she finished pulling herself out of the hole and looked around. It had only been, like, a minute and a half, so they probably hadn’t gotten too far yet, but if they got to the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet before she did, it would be _so_ bad. Today could go die in a fucking corner.

She raced through the door into the next room. There was a vault door, and it was open. “Fuck,” she muttered. There was nowhere else the Gauntlet would be. And that meant those bozos were absolutely in there. Killian ran forward, through a dark hallway, skidding to a halt on the other side. The floor was slippery, apparently made of some kind of black glass, and there were Taako, Magnus, Merle, and Gundren, all gathered around something in the middle of the room.

“What did I tell you!?” she bellowed. Taako, Magnus, and Merle all turned to look at her. They didn’t look surprised to see her, but Magnus at least had the honesty to look sheepish. Her hands balled into fists. “I told you guys to stay put! I don’t understand why you guys are being so difficult. I don’t understand why any of you are here!”

Taako shrugged. “We got bored.”

Magnus laughed. “You left for—it was like, like four hours it felt like!”

Killian rubbed her hand over her face. “It was like—it was a minute and a half! It was _ninety whole seconds_! You guys couldn’t stand still for ninety whole seconds.” She was going to kill them. She looked around, taking in the vault. The boys were all surrounding what looked like a dwarf that had been fried to hell and back. On his hand was a silver gauntlet. Her eyes widened and she drew her crossbow. “Everybody, very slowly, none of you have high-fived that thing, have you?”

Magnus and Merle giggled awkwardly. “Noooo,” Magnus said.

“Everybody, step away—that’s what I came here looking for. It is _indescribably_ dangerous!” She moved forward a couple steps, hoping it would make them back down. “Everybody, please step away from the enchanted gauntlet. Please.”

Taako and Merle were still giggling about high fiving the gauntlet. Gundren sneered at her and turned to the other three. “Are you guys here with this filthy orc?”

Killian’s lip turned up in a snarl as the other three panickingly tried to get Gundren to cool it. “Did you just call me _filthy_ , dude?” It wasn’t like it was something she’d never heard before, and dwarves were notorious orc-haters, but...it still stung.

Gundren pointed at the Relic. “This gauntlet, everything in this vault, is my _birthright_. There’s no way I’m giving this thing up to you.”

“ _Don’t_ test me,” she snapped, “don’t test me. I had a real long day. I got all webbed up in the other room; I hated that.”

Taako, Magnus, and Merle were kind of standing off to the side, nervously watching their conversation like some kind of death tennis match. “Boys,” Gundren said, “you’ve served me very well. I have one last job for you.” He pointed at Killian. “I need you to take her out.”

“Hooold up!” she said. She resisted the urge to aim her crossbow at Gundren. She had bigger problems right now than a racist asshole. “Not so sure about that decision! Doesn’t seem like a good one!”

Magnus held up his hands, trying to insert himself between the two of them without actually getting in the line of fire. “Now hold—stop. Everybody stop. Gundren, do you know why this room is empty and there’s a gauntlet on, like, a dude’s hand.”

He shook his head. “I don’t know why this is the only thing in the room. But I know that it’s _mine_.” The words were chilling. If Gundren wasn’t under the Gauntlet’s thrall already, he was hurtling towards it. She had to get him away from it _now_.

“Okay, cool.” Magnus turned to Killian. “Killian, do _you_ know why that is?”

She surveyed the room. “I have a pretty good goddamn idea, yeah.”

“Okay,” said Magnus, “okay.” He took a breath. “So, Gundren, how about we chill the fuck out and we find out what’s going on?”

Well. At least Magnus seemed pretty okay.

“Killian, are you able to talk to us freely at this point?” Taako asked.

She shook her head. “I can’t—I can’t talk to you as much as you—here. This might answer your question. That thing is called the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet.” She waited for them to not understand.

“Mhm,” Magnus said. “So it’s called the maraca sound.”

“It’s not called the maraca sound. I can’t tell you what it is,” Killian said. This was ridiculous. They were wasting time. “Gundren, _step_. _Off_. You are done. You’re done. We’re done here.”

There was a look in Gundren’s eyes that Killian _definitely_ hated. She’d seen it a million times, in a million people, on a million missions. “Or, better idea,” he said, and before she could aim and fire her crossbow, he’d snatched the Gauntlet from the dwarven figure’s hand and jammed it onto his own. The burnt-up dwarf crumbled to ashes, and Gundren said “Oh, man, I feel really bad about—” before screaming and bursting into flames.

Killian stared. In the almost-year that she’d been working for the Bureau of Balance, she’d never actually seen one of the Grand Relics in action. She’d always hoped she wouldn’t have to. But when the fire dissipated and the smoke cleared, there stood Gundren, Phoenix Fire Gauntlet and all, still a little bit on fire and seething with rage. The boys backed up a few steps almost instinctively, and Killian fumbled with her crossbow.

“Gundren, how do you feel?” Taako asked nervously.

He grinned, and it looked like it almost cracked across his face. This was the worst thing she’d ever seen. “I feel... _powerful_.”

“Well, shit,” Killian said, and she fired. Gundren held up his hand, Gauntlet out, and her bolt _melted_ as it struck it. She swallowed. “Everyone,” she said, slowly, “get away from the firey dwarf. Now.”

Magnus charged, rushing in towards Gundren before she could say anything else. Unsurprisingly, Gundren put up his hand again, and Magnus was knocked back by a wall of firey force, skidding across the floor and slamming into the far wall. Killian scrambled to load another bolt into her crossbow. This was bad, this was _so_ bad, she’d never had a mission break quite _this_ bad before and oh, fuck, did she hate it.

“I’m done with this,” Gundren announced. His eyes narrowed. “It’s payback time.”

Suddenly he was engulfed in flames again, and he barreled out of the room before Killian could even think about trying to stop him. She lowered her crossbow, staring after where he’d gone. “That went about as shitty as it could’ve possibly gone. _Great_ job, you three.”

“I almost had him!” Magnus protested. She looked back towards the three of them. Magnus was sitting up where he’d been thrown into a wall, looking pretty burnt up. Taako was standing in the middle of the room, for some reason holding an umbrella that she hadn’t noticed earlier. Merle looked close to panicking, which was absolutely understandable. After all, Gundren was his cousin, apparently.

She slung her crossbow over her back. “We need to get him, and we need to _find_ him, and we need to _stop_ him, before he destroys the whole world. Y’all down?”

Magnus nodded. “Super clear.”

Taako shrugged. “Sure.”

Merle shoved his hands in his pockets. “Well, okay.”

“I’m not going to lie,” she said, “this is _super_ above your pay grade.”

“Hey, um, Killian?” Taako said. “I’m detecting that that glove was magical.”

She stared at him in disbelief. “Yep,” she said. “Again, very, very studious. You are a very _powerful_ wizard to pick up—”

“Oh, well thank you,” he said beaming.

She was once again relying on these brain-dead dipshits to help her solve her problems. Gods help them, the world was screwed.

~~~

Following Gundren was, unfortunately, very easy, because he’d left a burnt path in his wake, heading directly towards Phandalin. Killian growled and ran a hand through her hair. “This is...this is bad. If he gets to Phandalin, it’s gonna be pretty horrible. We gotta stop him before he gets there.”

“Cool,” Magnus said, “got it. Hey, do you have anything faster than a cart? Because that’s all we’ve got.” He pointed, and Killian could see a somewhat beat-up cart attached to a bored looking horse hidden just off the beaten path. Well, at least there was that. She’d just had Avi drop her right outside Wave Echo Cave; she hadn’t expected to need any kind of transportation other than that.

“No,” she said, “but your cart will have to do. Everybody get in. I’m driving.”

“But I have vehicle proficiency!” Magnus protested. Killian ignored his nonsense and climbed into the front.

They made good time, or at least it felt like they did. It was better than walking to Phandalin, that was for sure. Killian flapped the reins and whistled, anything to make the horse go faster, but apparently this was about as fast as it was going today. She got in another minor argument with Magnus about how magic items work (how were they this _stupid_ ) and Taako cast Sleep on him. Kind of a waste of a spell slot, in Killian’s opinion, but whatever.

As they came over a hill, she reined the horse in and stared at the scene in front of them. Gundren had definitely been through here. Until now, they’d had clear signs of his passage in the form of burnt trees and grass and dirt, but just to the side of the road was a burnt up and destroyed convoy. Wagons were turned on their sides with holes burnt in them, charred until just the bare bones remained. Dead bodies lay scattered on the ground, and with a sick feeling in her gut Killian realised they were all orcs. A scowl twisted her face. What the _fuck_ was this racist asshole’s deal? These people had just been minding their own business; they hadn’t deserved—

Movement caught her attention. Four human men were picking the bones of the destruction, piling up whatever valuables they could find in the back of a different, non-charred wagon. In the wagon already was a cage, and her heart stopped as she saw that there was a teenage orc in it.

Killian hesitated. They needed to get to Phandalin. They needed to stop Gundren before he blew up the world or, at the very least, killed a shit-ton of people. But was she just supposed to... _ignore_ this? She shook her head. “Aw, Jesus,” she muttered. “I know we’re in a hurry. It’s up to you guys. It’s your call.”

Magnus, apparently having woken up, jumped out of the wagon and rushed over to them. She smiled grimly and climbed out of the cart, Taako and Merle following suit. It seemed a choice had been made.

One of the scavengers turned towards them with a genial smile that was missing a few teeth. “Oh hey! Slow your roll! Slow your roll, pard’ner!” Magnus stopped in front of them, looking around and assessing the situation. Killian stopped next to him, a hand at her crossbow. “Uh, we’re just—we’re just pickin’ the bones of this scene. We didn’t do any of this, we promise. We’re just four honest, y’know, fools, tryin’ to turn a buck in this hard, cold world. Certainly y’all can sympathise with that.”

Magnus drew his axe. “I respect your motivations and we don’t have a lot of time for this. Give me the boy and we’ll be on our way.”

The man chuckled. “Aw, what’re you gonna do with a orc boy, huh? You gonna—you gonna train him up to be your ward? He’s not some pet dog that you can adopt—”

“Then why do you have him in a cage?” Magnus asked.

“For sellin’!”

“What do you think happens to him after you sell him?” Taako asked.

The scavenger shrugged. “That’s not my problem; I get the money for sellin’ a boy!”

Killian felt sick. Slavers weren’t exactly uncommon, and it wasn’t rare for them to go for orcs. But she hadn’t come face to face with that reality in a long time. Her hand tightened on her crossbow.

Taako tossed his head, shaking hair out of his eyes. “Listen, I’m gonna give you to three, we really got a lot to do—”

“I’m gonna say some cool shit now,” he interrupted. “Me n’ my posse gonna give you ta two!”

“We’ll give you to one!” Magnus said.

He sneered. “Well how ’bout this? Zero, motherfuckers!” And all four of them drew their weapons.

“Fifteen!” Taako shouted.

Killian barely reacted as she drew her crossbow, although she did wonder what it said about her that she was getting used to Taako’s nonsense. “Hey guys,” she said, “let’s try to make this quick.” She aimed her crossbow at the leader and fired, sending him flying back. Magnus flashed her a thumbs up and went in for another one, whacking him with his battleaxe. Merle shouted something about more platoons, sending the other two bandits running, and a quick Magic Missile from Taako took care of the remaining two. Killian looked around at the three of them, impressed. Dang, they could get the job done when they put their minds to it.

Magnus found the keys to the cage and opened the door. “Go get in the cart,” he told the orc boy, but the boy ignored him and hopped out of the wagon to wander off into the woods instead.

Killian frowned. At least he was safe, but _seriously_. “Wow, what a...what a jerk. Gah, kids these days. Orc kids these days, I tell ya.”

Taako looked at her. “Did you know him?”

She threw her hands up. “Are you kidding— _now_ who’s the orcist? ‘Yeah, d’you know Steven? He’s an orc too! Hey I know an orc named Steven; do you know him?’ That’s what you sound like right now, Taako!”

“We don’t have time for this,” Magnus started.

“I don’t know a Steven,” Taako said.

Killian rubbed her face with both hands. “I’ll be at the cart. Get your asses in gear and meet me there.”

It took them a few minutes—a few minutes they didn’t have—but they got back in the cart and Killian started them down the road to Phandalin again. It wasn’t too far away now, and she didn’t see any giant plumes of smoke coming from that direction yet, so that was a good sign, hopefully. The sun was beginning to set as they stopped the cart at the edge of town. Judging by the scorch marks on the ground, they hadn’t beaten Gundren there, but at least he was easy to track through town. Nobody was in the streets as they followed his trail to a kind of shitty-looking tavern. A human man wearing armor and blue denim pants came running out, arms over his head, narrowly dodging a ball of fire that someone inside had lobbed at him. Killian tensed. Gundren.

“Oh, my god, you’re back,” the man said, grabbing Taako’s arms. “You guys, you gotta help me. I’ve never seen him like this—well, obviously, I’ve never seen him engulfed in flames and all magical and shit, but things are really bad, you guys. You gotta calm him down.”

Killian weighed the options. A Grand Relic’s thrall was impossible to break, but fighting someone in possession of a Relic had never worked out well for anyone throughout history. And there were all kinds of civilian lives to consider. Whoever this guy was, he had at least the beginnings of a good idea. “You would be wise to listen to him. We can’t fight him right now. If we try to fight him, we’re gonna lose. He’s—he’s more powerful than anybody you guys have ever met. That’s not an empty promise; he will incinerate anybody who defies him. We _gotta_ calm him down and try and get that glove off him.” _Then_ they could kill him, because while they could probably calm him down long enough to take the Gauntlet from him, a thrall was eternal, and he would immediately want it back.

The bar’s doors blew off their hinges, and Gundren stepped out into the street. He looked even worse than he had the last time they’d seen him. His eyes were balls of flame, and his skin was starting to crack. They had maybe a few minutes before their choice of how to deal with Gundren was made for them. “Why would you wanna stop me?” he asked. He turned to Killian, eyes narrowed. “I finally have the power to get rid of those _god damn orcs_.” Killian’s blood boiled, and not from the waves of heat coming off the dwarf in front of her.

Taako pointed his wand at Gundren and muttered something, but whatever he was trying to do clearly didn’t work. Nothing happened. Gundren turned his glare to Taako. “Gundren,” Magnus said, “you have to listen, the glove is consuming you from the inside out. Remember your father in the cave! If you don’t remove the glove, you’re going to die!”

Gundren shook his head. “I can control it!”

“You can’t. Look at yourself! This isn’t you.”

“You don’t know what I’m like,” Gundren laughed.

Merle stepped forward, and Killian tensed, thinking for a moment that he was going to attack Gundren after all, after she’d already told them what a _terrible, horrible, no good, very bad plan_ that was. But no, he just moved slowly, cautiously towards Gundren. “We’re cousins,” Merle reminded him. “We have the same bloodline.”

“What’s my middle name?” Gundren snapped. “What, no, fuck it, what’s my _first_ name?”

“Your first name,” Merle said calmly, “is Gundren. Your middle name is Lou. Gundren Lou.”

Gundren blinked. “That’s—that’s right.” The fire surrounding him seemed to dim a little.

Merle put his hands on the glove, wincing as it burned him. The air was filled with the stink of burnt flesh, but to his credit, Merle didn’t let go. “What are you doing?” Gundren yelled. “This is _mine_!” The flames around him roared higher again.

“We’re the same bloodline! I can help you control it!”

“I don’t need your help controlling it!” Gundren roared.

Merle took his hands off the Gauntlet and threw them up. “Fine! Go! Do what you want; I don’t care!” He took a calming breath, which was impressive when right next to a roiling inferno, and held his burned hands up placatingly again. “Now, Gundren...you know me. Remember Candlenights at Aunt Blarg’s house?” The flames started slowly receding again. “Remember, and we’d sit around and drink mulled wine…”

Gundren looked at the ground. “I miss her so much!”

Merle smiled. “Oh, Aunt Blarg! She was a good woman.”

“She was...until she was killed by those _god damn ORCS_!” Gundren’s flames burned brighter for a moment, but Merle stood firm. Killian watched him, slack jawed. This was the same idiot cleric from the mines? Damn.

“Well...well, that was never proven,” Merle said. “And—and you know what? She loved you, and she—y’know, she gave every year to the Orc Benevolent Fund.”

Gundren shook his head. “I know, and that’s what made her death at their hands so ironic! SO _PAINFULLY IRONIC_!”

Merle’s voice stayed calm and low. “It is painfully ironic, but is this what she would’ve wanted? Would she have wanted you to do this? To not only kill all those indiscriminate orcs but to burn your own ass up at the same time? I don’t think so.” He held his hands out towards Gundren, open and inviting. “Come on, why don’t you just take off the Gauntlet and we can all talk about it?”

“I…” For the first time since Killian had met him, Gundren looked almost afraid. “I don’t think I _can_.”

“Well sure you can!” Merle said. “You’re the strongest dwarf I know! I mean, down through the years, I’ve always looked up to—”

Gundren squinted at him. “Bronze Strongarm is the strongest dwarf, and we both know that, so don’t bullshit me.” Merle smiled, and Gundren sighed, and all the wind seemed to come out of his sails at once. “I’m scared.”

Holy shit. This was _working_. Merle continued talking to Gundren in a quiet, soothing voice, and Gundren was nodding along with his words. Slowly, the fire in his eyes disappeared, the flames around him died down, and though he looked a little (a lot) worse for wear, the worst seemed to be over for now. Killian felt herself relax a little. Gundren looked at the Gauntlet on his hand. “Okay,” he sighed. “You guys are right. I can’t control this thing.” He reached for it to pull it off. “And I think it’s time we—”

There was a quiet _thunk_ sound, and Killian’s eyes widened as Gundren took an involuntary step forward to steady himself. She knew what that sound was—the sound of an arrow hitting someone in the back. She whirled, looking to see who had done it, but no one else was in sight.

Fire started to burn in Gundren’s eyes again, and then he was suddenly completely engulfed in flames. “ _Who did this?_ ” he bellowed.

“Wasn’t me!” said the man in the denim pants.

To Killian’s horror, Gundren rounded on him and crushed him into the ground with one hand. “Time to go!” she blurted, turning and sprinting towards a well at the centre of town.

“I’m not leaving with all these people here!” Magnus said.

She shook her head and beckoned them on. “Come on come on come on!” There was no time. She knew how the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet worked. Gundren was in the last stages of its thrall, and he was going to take everything around him with him when he succumbed completely. Looking back, they _still_ weren’t following her. She pointed at the well. “Get to the well!” she shouted.

Taako took off towards her, Magnus and Merle following suit shortly after. Magnus was bellowing the whole time, shouting for people to get out of their homes and away from town. A few people came out of their houses, looking around in bewilderment, but Killian didn’t have time to see what happened to them. She said a quick prayer for them in her head, yanking her Duster of Feather Fall from her pouch and tapping herself with it, then turning to the three men and flinging the last of her daily charges at them. Killian turned and leaped into the well with the other three at her back, and the last thing she heard before she cracked her head on the bottom was Gundren Rockseeker scream.

~~~

When Killian came to again, she was lying on something cold, and smooth, and decidedly _not_ the bottom of a well. She tried to sit up, but her wrists and ankles were bound. Shoving down the instinct to panic, she opened her eyes and struggled to a sitting position. Taako, Magnus, and Merle were in front of her, and as she looked around, all she could see for half a mile in every direction was a perfect circle of black glass centred around a charred dwarven figure. Her heart sank. “I guess we didn’t save Phandalin, huh?” Magnus shrugged uncomfortably, and she noticed he was holding her crossbow. “I’d like that back, please?” she said, nodding towards it. “And my hands.”

Magnus grunted. “Okay. And I feel like we could’ve done more for Phandalin had we known what the fuck was going on before we came here?”

Killian rolled her eyes and resisted the urge to growl. “How many fucking times do I have to tell you that I _literally_ can’t tell you anything?! I can’t tell you any helpful information! I can’t tell you.”

Taako shrugged. “I feel like you could’ve done a little more. Like some context clues, or perhaps some _charades_.”

“Maybe drop the hint that he was gonna turn into a giant of fire,” Merle added, and she flinched. She did feel bad for Merle—of the three of them, he’d lost the most today.

She closed her eyes. As annoying as they could be, they did deserve what answers she could give them. “Alright! Okay. Fine. Let’s try this. You tell me when it gets static-y. Cool?” Taako gave her a thumbs-up. She thought for a minute, choosing her words carefully. “I am...an _employee_...of...a...group of...um... _concerned people_. How is it so far?”

Magnus nodded. “So far so good.”

Killian took a breath. “Who are _working_...to...obtain and secure some—”

“Yep, there we go,” Magnus said, “we got crackles on our end.”

She gave an exasperated sigh. “Who are working to make the...whole...land...safer?”

“Okay, that’s all clear.” Magnus folded his arms. “Except that’s hard to buy, because the first time we met you, you sicced a giant grinder thing on us.”

She had, hadn’t she? Fuck. “I thought you were trying to stop my group of people from...doing a good thing,” she finished lamely. Everything she did, everything the Bureau was about, sounded _really fucking stupid_ when she had to put it in baby terms.

Taako tilted his head and pointed to the bracer on her left arm. “Is your inability to talk to us related to your bracer?”

Killian glanced at it. “Oh, this old thing? No.”

“What is that old thing, then?” Merle asked.

She didn’t have _time_ for this. It was dark out and she needed to report back to the Bureau so they could secure the Gauntlet before anything else happened. “Well, you see,” she said, voice dripping with sarcasm, “whenever you touch the thing on my bracer, it summons a cannonball transport from the Bureau of Balance’s moon base.” She knew they wouldn’t pick up on it but gods it was satisfying to fuck with them.

“I think you were faking that one,” Taako said, laughing. At least _someone_ was having a good time.

Killian scanned the area again. No one else was coming yet, so that was good. A sudden glint of metal caught her eye and her jaw dropped as she realized it was the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, still sitting on Gundren Rockseeker’s burnt up corpse. “Wait a minute,” she said. “How have none of you grabbed the Gauntlet and put it on?”

They all looked at each other and shrugged. “We’re super cool,” Magnus said.

“We’re really chill,” Taako agreed. “And I was—honestly, I was afraid, if we’re just putting it out there.”

She stared at them. “You mean its—its thrall didn’t take you over?”

Taako shrugged. “I’m dumb, but I’m super willful.”

Killian shook her head, staring at the three of them. She _had_ to get them to the Director, _stat_. “Where did you guys _come_ from?”

“Your mama,” Magnus said without hesitation.

Even Killian couldn’t help cracking a smile at that one. “That’s a pretty good burn.” She took a breath. “Okay, I’m gonna let you guys in. I swear to the gods.”

Merle's eyes narrowed. “Don’t make me cast my truth spell again.”

She shook her head. “No truth spell required. Nothing but open honesty because I think...I think we could use people like you. If you’ve already escaped the thrall of that thing that I can’t say the name of—”

“Let’s just say Glovey,” Magnus interrupted.

“Glovey, fine.” She was so tired. “If you’ve already escaped the thrall of Glovey, you can collect it.” Taako took off running for Gundren’s body. “And we can take it somewhere where it will never do anything like this ever again. But you have to let me out of here.” Taako snatched the glove from Gundren’s corpse and Killian’s heart seized. “Don’t put it on!” she yelled. Taako shrugged and tossed it in his bag. It clanked against what sounded like a _lot_ of coins, or possibly bottle caps. Magnus bent down and started untying Killian as Taako wandered back over to them. She stood up and held out her hand for her crossbow. Magnus shook his head and held it away from her. “I want my crossbow, though, kind of.”

“Tough,” Merle said, arms crossed.

Magnus looked like he was waffling a bit, but handed it over. “I’m keeping the bolts, though,” he said.

Killian slung her crossbow over her shoulder. “That’s fine. I’m not going to need them. We need to get somewhere where the ground’s not as hard.” She tapped the toe of her boot against the glass for emphasis, then started walking towards the nearest edge. As they walked, she tapped at her bracer, hoping to get the cannonball process started as quickly as possible. It flashed yellow a few times, and she smiled awkwardly at them. “Just...waiting for approval, here.” Magnus looked like he was about to start some kind of small talk, but then the rune on her bracer glowed blue and she sighed in relief. She looked between the three of them. “Seriously, where did you come from?”

“I’m from Raven’s Roost,” Magnus offered. Merle groaned and Killian wondered if she should be worried. “Well, look, we’ve got some time while we wait, so let me tell you—”

“We’ve got about thirty seconds,” Killian said, turning and scanning the night sky. Oh boy.

“Okay,” Magnus said quickly, “I was born the son of a carpenter—”

“We were in jail together!” Merle said.

“We were _not_ ,” Taako said.

“Well, what’s _your_ deal?” Magnus asked.

It took Killian a moment to realise he was asking her. “Uh, my deal is—”

Thankfully, at that moment, a Bureau cannonball crashed into the ground next to them. She breathed a sigh of relief. She didn’t _love_ talking about her pre-Bureau life, and she wouldn’t even have been able to tell them about Carey without Voidfish static, probably. She beckoned them over to it. “C’mon!” she said. “Get the lead out!”

After a brief argument about whether or not people needed med kits and Taako misinterpreting how magic worked _again_ , everyone was in the pod, and she sealed the door shut. Killian tapped her bracer twice, and the balloon in the top expanded and filled, lifting them towards the base. She watched through the clear walls as the glass circle that used to be Phandalin got smaller and smaller, and her heart squeezed in her chest. At least they’d recovered the Gauntlet. This would never happen again.

She looked up again as they rose higher, turning to the others. “You guys are gonna love what happens next.” She pointed as the base came into view. Magnus leaned forward, pressing his face and hands against the glass and Killian bit back a smile. Avi was going to _hate_ cleaning that later. A porthole opened in the side of the base where the hangar was and she glanced over them. “Hold onto your butts,” she said.

All three of them grabbed their own butts as they passed through the porthole into the base, staring wide-eyed as they landed gently on the platform. Killian wondered if that was how she’d looked when she’d first arrived on the base so long ago. She opened the hatch and climbed out, making sure they were following. As soon as they stepped out, though, they looked a little dizzy. She grimaced. She’d forgotten this part. “Oh, by the way, things are going to be weird for a bit, but I promise that’s gonna pass. I promise I’m gonna get you guys taken care of very quickly, I just need to run out and get you all authorized real quick. It’ll just take a few minutes but please, just, like, hang out here, sit down, take it easy, don’t overexert yourselves and you’re gonna be just fine.” She turned and hurried out the door, which Avi had clearly been stuck on guard duty instead of mechanic duty in front of today. He nodded to her as she went past, and she nodded back, and as soon as she was out of the hangar she went sprinting towards Davenport’s office.

It wasn’t far—it was a small room just off the Director’s office where Davenport took care of some of the Bureau’s paperwork. From Killian’s understanding, he didn’t do all that much paperwork, as the Director liked to keep him close to her, but when it came to efficiency, Davenport was the gnome for the job.

He looked up when she came in. “Davenport?” he asked.

“Hey,” she panted, out of breath from running. “Davenport, how quick can you authorize three guys for inoculation?”

He pulled a piece of parchment from a drawer in his desk and scribbled a few things before handing it to her. “Davenport.”

Grinning, she took it from him and stuffed it in her pouch. “Thanks, Davenport. You’re the best.”

Davenport smiled and waved at her as she left his office.

Thankfully, the boys were right where she’d left them when she got back. Avi was chatting with them, and he looked over at her as she entered. “Okay, you guys are clear!” she said. They stood, not wobbling as much this time. Avi must have given them some of his brandy. She decided to keep that to herself. “Just, uh, follow me, and we can get this show on the road.”

She led them out onto the quad, and the three of them looked around, chattering incessantly and pestering her with questions which she deflected as much as possible. Finally, they reached the elevator, and she stuck the form Davenport had given her into a small chute in the side before calling the elevator. The doors slid open and she stepped back. “I can’t actually go with you guys down there,” she said apologetically. “It’s sort of, um, high security, but this is where you need to go next.” She had to go debrief with the Director as soon as possible, and then apologise to Carey for taking so long. Hopefully they could get themselves sorted out.

Johann hurried in, jogging towards the elevator. “Uh, can you hold the elevator, please?” Killian sighed in relief as he got in next to them. At least Johann would be there to make sure things went alright with them. Hopefully they didn’t pester him too much.

She turned and headed back towards the Director’s office. This was going to be a _long_ debrief.

~~~

“And you’re _sure_ none of them are under the Gauntlet’s thrall?”

Killian nodded. “Not unless they’re _super_ good at hiding it. Madame Director, I’ve seen more thralled people than anyone else on this base except maybe you. I know what it looks like.”

The Director nodded absently. She seemed distracted. “What are their names?”

“Taako, Magnus, and Merle.” Killian glanced at the door. “They should be finishing up with Johann and the Voidfish soon.” The Director had a somewhat distant look in her eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, of course.” The Director stood straighter. “This...this is a historic day, Killian. This is the first time anyone has successfully brought back a Grand Relic.”

“Yeah, I know.” Killian tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “So why don’t you seem happier about it?”

The Director smiled, and it seemed more genuine than anything Killian had seen from her since she came into the office. “I _am_ happy. I’m just not...expressing it as much. Killian, I couldn’t be happier. This is...I couldn’t ask for more than this.”

Killian got the feeling she was being genuine, so she dropped the subject. “Well, if that’s all you need me for?”

“Yes, thank you.” The Director looked towards the window into the chamber created for destroying the Grand Relics. “I...Davenport!” she called. Davenport came scampering out from his office to stand next to her. “Davenport and I need to get ready for our guests.”

“Good luck with them,” Killian said on her way out. “They can be quite a handful.”

She thought she heard the Director say “I know” under her breath, but she must have imagined it.

~~~

Carey was putting clothes in their shared closet when Killian got in. She immediately went over to hug her, and Carey laughed in her arms. “You’re late.”

“I knooow, I’m sorry.” Killian rocked her back and forth a little. “I had no idea this would take so long. Have you eaten?”

“I was waiting for you.” Carey pushed away and gestured around the apartment. “Got the place pretty well set up, though! Just a few things to pick up from Fantasy Costco and we should be good to go!”

Killian kissed her on the forehead. “You’re amazing. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help today. Things got way out of hand, and…” She stopped, grabbing Carey by the arms. “Carey! You won’t believe what happened!”

“Easy, tiger,” Carey said, easing out of Killian’s grip. “What happened? Is everything okay?”

“ _Better_ than okay! Carey, we recovered a Grand Relic!”

Carey’s jaw dropped. “Seriously?!”

“Yeah! The Phoenix Fire Gauntlet! I, uh.” She got a little somber as she remembered Phandalin’s fate. “It wasn’t...easy, and there were casualties...Brian, he...and then Phandalin...it was messy, Carey. I’m glad you were up here where it’s safe.”

Carey elbowed her. “I kinda wish I’d been down there watching your back, from the sounds of things. Come on.” She pushed Killian towards the closet. “Why don’t you get out of your stanky armor, and we’ll go for dinner, and you can tell me all about it?”

Grinning, Killian kissed her again. “Sounds good, babe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would _die_ for Tres Horny Boys. Without a second thought. I love them.


	9. The Festival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carey passes out and then ducks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AVI I S2G STOP DOING THIS TO ME.

“Oh, the Bureau’s throwing a big Midsummer festival next week,” Killian said. Carey looked up from sharpening her knives. Killian was sitting on their couch, absentmindedly doing bicep curls with the biggest hand weights Carey had ever seen. “Any costume ideas?”

Carey leaned back against the wall, thinking. “I dunno. I haven’t really gone to any festivals just to, like... _go_ to a festival in a long time. It was always, like, a job. There’d be a festival and I’d have to take out a target at it, and I’d go in costume because it was the one time that costumes were _less_ noticeable than normal clothes. But that’s been it for years.”

Killian switched arms. “Then we’ve gotta go get you a good costume at Fantasy Costco later. Oh, man, we should get matching costumes!”

“I’m not going as a knife and fork.”

“Ugh, " _no_.” Killian wrinkled her nose. “Come on, Care-bear, I have some taste. Not much, but it’s _there_.”

Carey grinned and started packing her knives away. “But yeah, I like the matching costume idea. When you’re done there, we should hit up Fantasy Costco.” She glanced towards their meager pantry. “We need to do groceries, anyway.”

~~~

It was a perfect day for a festival. There was nothing worse for Midsummer than grey skies and cloudy days, since that meant the solar eclipse wasn’t visible. But this Midsummer had nothing but bright blue skies stretching in every direction. It was hot out, but not too hot, though Carey did think that maybe after the festival she’d curl up for a nap in the sun. She leaned into Killian’s side and looked around at the festival that had been set up on the quad.

The Director had really gone all out for this one. The quad was covered in all kinds of tents, large and small, in a million colours and patterns. There was a dance floor in the middle, with Johann standing on a stage beside it, playing his violin for the dancers. Everyone was in costumes—some cute, some wacky, some just a _little_ too trashy for what was technically a work function. Carey spotted Boyland in a sea captain’s hat and not much else coming out of a tent and decided to go in literally any other direction than that one. She squeezed Killian’s hand. “What d’you want to do first?”

Killian was looking around at everything with excitement in her eyes. Carey smiled. She was so cute. “I don’t know,” Killian said. “Do you want to get sloshed first or lose a bunch of money on rigged carnival games trying to win obscenely huge stuffed animals first?”

Carey tugged her in the direction of the tent with a huge roulette wheel outside of it. “Games first. We’re gonna lose a ton of money on them anyway; might as well be sober enough to know when to stop.”

Everyone they passed seemed to be in a good mood. Festivals like this tended to bring out the best mood in everyone, but more than that this was also partly a celebration of the Bureau’s achievements. Not too long ago, the three new reclaimers had brought back a _second_ Grand Relic—the Oculus. After so long with no progress, and now two Relics under their belts, it was no wonder people wanted to celebrate. She wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that the Director had agreed to hold a festival this big specifically because of the high spirits everyone was in right now.

The game tent was busy, but they managed to find a decent-looking ring toss for Carey. The halfling running the booth spun a ring around on a finger. “Ten gold for three rings!” he said. He gestured to the glass bottles behind him. “The more you land, the bigger your prize! Land all three and win big!”

Carey handed him a coin and he laid three rings on the edge of the booth for her. She winked at Killian. “Gonna win you a giant stuffed dragon, babe.”

Killian stood back, hands on her hips, grinning. “Go for it.”

It was just like when she threw her daggers in a fight. Just aim and fire. She gave the first ring a gentle toss, and it fell short of the mark. Scowling, she threw the second one harder, and it clanked off the wall behind the bottles before falling to the floor. Carey took a steady breath and closed her eyes. Right. Just like when she was throwing knives, the important thing was not to overthink it. She opened her eyes and threw the ring, whooping in triumph when it settled around the neck of the middle bottle. Killian applauded politely.

“Well!” the halfling said. “Congratulations! You’ve won one of our small prizes!” He held out a small wooden box filled with cheap trinkets.

Carey dug through it, finally coming up with a badly-made dragon pin. She presented it to Killian with a sweeping bow. “My lady.”

Killian gasped and clasped her hands together in mock overjoyed glee. “Gosh, sweetie, is that for _me_?” She held still as Carey pinned it to her shirt. “Gotta say, though, it really does match the outfits.”

It did, which was why Carey had picked it. Fantasy Costco hadn’t let them down yet, and the costume department was no exception. They’d managed to find matching “dragon and hoard” costumes within ten minutes of entering the store, and Carey had insisted on being the hoard. “It’s not funny if the dragonborn dresses up as the dragon,” she’d complained. Besides, if she wanted to be covered in shiny gold material for a few hours, who could blame her? She looked tacky as hell and she loved it.

Killian wrapped her up in a hug. “Thanks, babe.” Carey snuggled into Killian’s arms and gave a sigh of contentment. Orcs gave the _best_ hugs. Killian was soft in all the right places, and there was enough of a height difference that she could smoosh her face right into Killian’s chest. Killian’s arms wrapped around Carey’s shoulders, keeping her safe, shielding her from the world. Carey loved her so much.

Having tired of games, they wandered out to the dance floor. Johann’s songs were a little slower and more melancholy than they were looking for at a Midsummer festival, but they danced to a couple before heading towards the drink tent. Avi was sitting on the ground outside, his flask in one hand, watching the festivities with a smile. “Hey,” he said as they approached. “You two on a date?”

“Fuck yeah we are,” Carey said, squeezing Killian’s hand. “Nice costume.”

Avi smoothed out his shirt. “Thanks. I wanted to go as a bard, but Johann wouldn’t let me borrow any of his clothes since I’m way taller than him and he said I’d stretch them out, so I got stuck with being Caleb Cleveland for the third year in a row.” He shrugged. “It is what it is.”

Killian glanced back at the stage, where Johann was finishing up another song. “You gonna get a chance to tour the place with your boyfriend?”

He shook his head. “Probably not, but it’s fine. We’ll get to watch the eclipse together, and then after that we’ll hang for a bit.” He smiled. “This is one of the few times he gets to perform for people. I’m not gonna begrudge him that, you know?”

Before Carey could say anything, the Director’s voice rang out across the quad. “Attention, everyone. The eclipse is about to take place, if you would like to join us in the yard. It should be here in just a minute or so.”

Leon wandered by and handed each of them a pair of viewing glasses. Killian put hers on and gave Carey a cocky grin. “Do these make me look cool?”

“The cooliest,” Carey laughed, putting hers on too and looking at the sky. The sky slowly started to darken, and Killian put an arm around her shoulder. Carey leaned into her side and watched as the moon started aligning itself in front of the sun. It had been so long since she’d had an opportunity to really enjoy the actual eclipse part of a Midsummer festival, and she couldn’t imagine spending it with anyone other than—

Suddenly the loudest sound in the universe rang out and Carey’s world went completely black.

~~~

When Carey woke up, it was to Killian shaking her. “Carey, wake up,” she was saying, panic colouring her voice.

Carey clutched her head and slowly rolled onto her back. “What happened?” she asked. She was disoriented, but nothing hurt.

“I don’t know,” Killian said. Her hands moved to help Carey sit up. “But it looks like it hit everyone pretty bad.”

Blinking and rubbing her eyes, Carey looked out over the silent festival grounds. The entire Bureau of Balance was either slowly gathering their bearings or still unconscious, save for a human, an elf, and a dwarf, who were wandering around waking people up. “Shit,” she said. “This...what could _do_ something like this?”

Killian shook her head and stood, holding out a hand to help Carey up. “I have no idea. But I think the Director is working on that right now. We should get going. I wanna make sure you didn’t get hurt too bad in the fall.”

“Kills, I’m fine.” Across the way, on the stage, she could see Avi helping Johann to his feet as well. “But come on, let’s go hit up the med wing if it’ll make you feel better.”

~~~

Carey looked between two links of sausage and weighed her options. On the one hand, the leaner sausages had less unhealthy fat, but on the other hand they also had less protein and were more expensive. She decided that she and Killian could live with a little extra fat—it wasn’t like they wouldn’t just burn it off in training anyway—and added the regular sausages to her basket.

It had been a couple of months now since she and Killian had moved in together, and they’d settled into a routine fairly quickly. They alternated on groceries depending on who had more free time, and since they had similar tastes in meat and vegetables there weren’t a lot of arguments there. (Grains, however, was another thing altogether. Killian often declared she could probably subsist on nothing but bread for weeks, but just the thought of all that wheat made Carey sick to her stomach.) They had an agreement that Carey would cook and Killian would do the dishes, and every weekend they took an hour each to clean the apartment. It felt like they’d been living together for years instead of months. Carey didn’t remember the last time she’d felt like she was in a relationship that was so... _good_.

She got in the line to check out and went over her purchases. With a scowl, she realised she hadn’t brought quite enough gold to cover everything. Maybe she could trade Garfield an old pocket knife for the rest.

“Did you hear? The reclaimers got sent on a mission to _Goldcliff_!”

Carey’s thoughts were interrupted by the conversation between the people behind her. Glancing back, there was a half-orc woman that she vaguely recognised as Killian’s old roommate Pebbles, but she didn’t recognise the man she was talking to. She didn’t know Pebbles very well, so she kept her mouth shut and tried not to look like she was eavesdropping. She’d heard the call for the reclaimers to report to the Director’s office, but the details of their new mission had been kept under wraps.

Well, clearly not very tightly under wraps, because Pebbles was chattering away about it. From what Killian had said, Carey was pretty sure Pebbles was a seeker. That explained why she knew so much about it, anyway. “I’m so jealous. I’ve never been to Goldcliff. I’d kill to be able to check out the battlewagon races! Those look so cool!”

“You know they’re broadcasted on illegal systems,” the man said.

“Well, _yeah_.” Pebbles rolled her eyes. “But it’s not the same as watching them up close and personal. There’s explosions, Bartholo! And some of the battlewagon designs are just fuckin’ _rad_.” She sighed. “I guess it’s too bad they won’t be able to watch any races. They’ve got, like, a master thief with a Grand Relic to stop and all.”

Carey’s blood froze. “Excuse me,” she said, turning to face them. Pebbles and Bartholo looked down at her. She felt numb. A master thief...in Goldcliff... “I couldn’t help but overhear. Um, this thief. You don’t know their name, do you?”

Pebbles glanced at Bartholo, who looked just as confused as she did. “Uh, I mean, her _real_ name? No. But she goes by the Raven. Apparently she’s pretty famous around there.”

Her hands shook. The Raven. The _fucking_ Raven. “And, um, what Relic did they have to go get?”

Bartholo shrugged. “According to the reports we got from Goldcliff, there’ve been a lot of attacks by violent foliage in the past while. So while I couldn’t say for sure, I’d definitely put money on—”

“The Gaia Sash,” Carey said numbly. The Raven had gotten the Gaia Sash. The Raven had gotten the Gaia Sash and she _still_ had the Gaia Sash and that meant she was a better thief than Carey was, what the _fuck_ —

“Hello?” Garfield said behind her. “Lady, are you getting that stuff or not?”

Carey shook herself and gave Pebbles and Bartholo a weak smile. “Excuse me,” she said, hurrying forward to the counter.

What. The. _Fuck._

~~~

When Killian came home, Carey was lying facedown on their couch, arms wrapped around her sexy tabaxi body pillow. “Babe, what’s wrong?” she asked, kneeling in front of her. Carey shook her head and refused to look at her, burying her face in her pillow. She didn’t have words to explain what she was feeling or why she was feeling it. She hated this. “Carey, seriously.” Killian put a hand on Carey’s shoulder, and Carey flinched away from her. “Carey,” Killian said, voice shaking, “you’re scaring me. Please, what’s wrong? Let me help you.”

Carey choked out a bitter laugh. “Help? Like you _helped_ me back in Goldcliff?”

Killian paused. “What?”

Carey finally moved her face out from her pillow to glare at Killian. “Haven’t you heard? It’s the _Gaia Sash_. That’s what the reclaimers got sent out for this time. You wanna know who got it?”

“Carey, I don’t understand.” Killian reached for her again, but Carey swatted her hand away.

“ _Don’t_ touch me. Don’t touch me right now.” Carey sat up, still clutching her pillow. “You stopped me from finishing my fucking job and now the _Raven_ has it. She beat me to it, _again_.”

“I don’t—I don’t know what that means,” she said. Killian started to reach for Carey’s hand, but stopped. Carey felt sick. “Talk to me, babe. I don’t understand. What happened?”

“It’s the _fucking_ Raven, Killian,” Carey snapped, “try to keep up. That night? When we first met, and you blew me up and stopped me from finishing my job and then _kidnapped me_? I wasn’t the only one trying to steal the Gaia Sash, even if we didn’t know that’s what it was at the time. There’s a thief in Goldcliff—she used to just be a petty thief, a cat burglar, but she called herself the Raven and now _she’s_ the one with the Sash. She beat me. She _won_. She’s a better thief than me, because _you_ stopped me.”

Something in Killian’s face broke, and Carey hated herself. She’d done that to Killian—her _girlfriend_ , the person she was supposed to love and trust above anybody else. She’d made Killian feel like shit over her own pride and insecurities. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t take this. She stood, abandoning the body pillow on the couch. “I have to go.”

Killian grabbed her wrist. “Wait, what? Carey, please, don’t go. We can talk this out. Stay.”

Carey snarled. “I said, _don’t touch me_!”

Electricity crackled over her skin, jolting Killian into letting her go. Then she bolted for the door, slamming it behind her and running off in a random direction. She couldn’t do this. She needed to be alone for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carey use your woooooords
> 
> "Hey Ed the whole timeline of the Raven getting the Sash and whatnot doesn't line up with your fic" Listen I really don't care
> 
> Also Pebbles's boyfriend Bartholo is based on the party bard who gave her her nickname. Unfortunately they didn't get together in the actual campaign they were in together but I figured I could at least give them the relationship they deserved here.


	10. The Gaia Sash, Reprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian looks for Carey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All I'm McDying

Killian’s hands shook and she sat heavily on the couch Carey had just abandoned. What the hell had just happened? It wasn’t like Carey to snap and run off like that. She didn’t understand. Was Carey really still that upset about the disaster with the Gaia Sash and their first meeting? She’d never said anything about it before. Killian wanted to understand, to help, but if Carey wouldn’t talk to her, how could she?

She didn’t realize she was crying until she realized her face was wet and she couldn’t see. Grumbling, she wiped uselessly at her eyes. Sitting around crying about it wasn’t going to solve anything. She had to find Carey—or, at the very least, find out what to do to help her.

~~~

“No, I haven’t seen her. Should I have?” Avi was stuck on guard duty at the hangar again today, this time with a dwarf woman Killian didn’t recognise.

Killian shook her head. “I don’t know. We had...kind of an argument? I’m not sure what’s going on. She ran off, and I’m trying to find her.”

Avi’s eyes widened. “What did you fight about?” The dwarf coughed and shot Avi a glare, and he winced. “Sorry, Brünhilde. Can I just take five minutes?”

Brünhilde shook her head, but waved him off. “Go, go. I’ll be here, doing _our job_.”

“Thanks,” he said, dragging Killian a few feet away. “Okay, so. You and Carey had a fight? I didn’t think you guys ever argued.”

Killian looked away. “We don’t, much. Or, didn’t. I don’t know.” She looked back at Avi. “You know how I told you not to let her anywhere near the hangar when she first got here?” He nodded, frowning. “When we first met, I basically, um...arrested her.” Avi laughed. “Shut up! She was trying to steal the Gaia Sash!”

Avi took a sharp breath. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Killian ran a hand through her hair. “When I came home today, she was upset about something, but all she’d tell me was that because I’d stopped her from finishing her job, the Raven got the Sash, and for some reason that meant she was a better thief than Carey.”

“That…” Avi frowned. “That doesn’t make much sense.”

“I know. But what matters at this point is that Carey’s upset, and she’s hurting, and she’s lashing out, and I want to be there for her but I _can’t_ if I don’t know where she _is_ and she won’t _talk_ to me.”

Avi squeezed Killian’s shoulder. “It’ll be fine. You and Carey have had a really healthy relationship before now. She’s probably just gone off to deal with things by herself for a while. Johann does that sometimes, too. He always comes back. So will Carey.”

There was a part of Killian that already knew that, but it was nice to hear from someone she trusted. “Thanks, Avi.”

~~~

Brad looked up from his paperwork as Killian entered his office. “Hello?” he said, confusion wrinkling his brow. “What brings you in here?”

“Just, uh, wondering, but have you seen Carey?”

He frowned and set his papers aside. “No. If anything, I would’ve thought you would be the person to ask as to her whereabouts. Is everything alright?”

Killian sat in one of Brad’s chairs and slouched. “I wish I knew. I’ve checked half this stinking base and I can’t find her. She’s angry with me and she won’t talk to me about it. She just...ran away.”

Brad propped his chin in one hand and looked at her thoughtfully. “Did you come here looking for Carey, or advice on what to do?”

“I mean...a little of both, I guess.”

“Hm.” Brad absently twirled a pen in his fingers as he thought. “Well, what’s Carey angry about? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“No, it’s fine.” Killian slouched further in her chair. “Did you hear about the newest reclaimer mission?” Brad shook his head. “It’s the Gaia Sash. There’s a thief in Goldcliff who’s got it, and apparently it’s someone Carey knows about. She said that because the Raven got the Gaia Sash and Carey didn’t, that meant Carey was the worse thief.”

Brad nodded. “Thief’s pride. I can see that.”

Killian blinked. “You can?”

“Sure. Of course, that doesn’t make lashing out at you okay, but I can see a little of where Carey’s coming from on this.” He sat back, steepling his fingers. “Thieves can be a proud bunch. Carey was hired to steal something before the Raven did it, and because she didn’t, she feels like she failed. It’s a fairly substantial blow to her pride. Whether or not it’s warranted isn’t important at this point—she’s hurt, and she’s angry, but ultimately it’s up to her to figure those feelings out on her own.”

“But...I’m her _girlfriend_ ,” Killian said. “I’m supposed to be there for her when she needs me.”

Brad smiled at her. “And you are. Carey knows that. But sometimes you don’t want others around while you’re going through something personal like that. Even if you love them, and you know they love you.” He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his desk. “Carey has to work through this on her own, or at least she has to work through _part_ of it on her own. Once she’s gotten to that point, she’ll come back, and you can work out the rest of it together.”

Killian fidgeted in her seat. She had to wait. She _hated_ waiting, especially when she felt rotten like this. There was nothing worse than knowing something was wrong and not being able to do anything about it. Even if Carey came back just to yell at Killian again, it would be _something_. Waiting for her to work things through on her own...it was going to kill her.

“Listen.” Brad stood and came around his desk, crouching in front of her so they were at eye level. “I’ve seen a lot of relationships in my time as an HR representative, both on and off this base. You and Carey have something special. Maybe it’s because you had to earn one another’s trust before you could even begin to think about having romantic feelings for each other, I don’t know. But you two have become closer than any other couple I’ve ever met in such a short period of time. The fact that you’re only having your first big blowup now is impressive as hell. And yes,” he continued over her as she opened her mouth, “I said first. Because there will be more. That’s how relationships work—even healthy, loving ones like yours. You aren’t always going to see eye to eye, and sometimes you’re going to fight over dumb shit, like thief’s pride. But because of how much you two love each other, because of how well you communicate when you’re _not_ angry with each other, because you both _want_ everything to work out between you with all your heart and soul—you’re always going to work everything out, in the end.”

There were tears in her eyes again. Dammit. Brad’s smile turned soft and he handed her a handkerchief. “It’ll be alright, Killian. I know the waiting part is hard, but you’re the strongest orc I know. You’ll make it through this, and Carey will come home.”

~~~

Carey didn’t come home that night.

Killian didn’t get much sleep.

~~~

“You look like hell,” Boyland said, lighting a cigar.

Killian didn’t say anything. She was used to Boyland’s bluntness, but she was too exhausted to retort.

He elbowed her. “You good, kid?”

She sighed. He wasn’t going to leave her alone about it. “I’m fine. I’ll _be_ fine. Just...tired.”

Boyland grunted, surveying her with his arms folded. “We can skip training today, if you want,” he said. It was gruff, as usual, but with an underlying gentleness. “Doesn’t look like Carey’s coming today, anyway. She sick or something?”

Killian’s hands shook. “No, um. She’s just. Not coming.”

“Let’s just skip today, then.” Boyland hefted his axe over one shoulder and started to wander off. “Go watch the race or something.”

She frowned and hurried after him. “The what?”

“You didn’t hear?” Boyland looked up at her. “Captain Captain Bane sent a message to the Director saying he’d be unreachable today because of the battlewagon race in Goldcliff. Apparently it’s a whole big thing. Totally illegal, of course, which is why Captain’s gotta be there, but you know. Still fun to watch. You going?”

Killian waffled. She’d mostly been planning on throwing herself into her training until she hurt so much she wouldn’t be able to think about anything else for the rest of the day. But if Boyland wasn’t planning on training, she’d have no one to train with, and therefore no one to distract her. At least at the race she could be distracted by explosions. “Alright,” she finally said. “Sure.”

~~~

Half the Bureau was there to watch the race, apparently. Killian looked around at the crowd. Did nobody here have anything better to do?

“Killian!” Beefy arms flung themselves around Killian from behind, and she shrieked in surprise. “Oh, sorry.”

Killian turned to see her former roommate, Pebbles, and Pebbles’s boyfriend whose name she didn’t know. “Hi, Pebbles,” she said.

Pebbles beamed at her. “Gods, I’m _so_ excited! I’ve always heard about these races, and I was just saying to Bartholo yesterday how much I wanted to go see one! Lucky, huh?”

Oh, so his name was Bartholo. “Yeah,” Killian said. “Lucky.”

Pebbles continued chatting, but Killian wasn’t totally listening. She stared up at the giant canvas that the race would be magically projected onto. So far, all it was showing was the race setup, which wasn’t all that exciting. There were a bunch of large wooden crates being lined up at the starting line, but other than that not much else was happening.

“By the way, did you hear?” Pebbles was saying. “The reason we all get to come watch this is because the reclaimers are in this race!”

That got Killian’s attention. “What?”

Pebbles tossed her braid over her shoulder. “Yeah, that’s what I heard, anyway. Um, I don’t remember which wagon is theirs, though. I think it’s the one that the Ram is driving?”

Killian nodded absently. She wondered if this race had anything to do with their mission. A thought occurred to her. “Pebbles, you know a lot about this stuff, right? Is the Raven a battlewagon racer?”

“Yeah!” Pebbles nodded enthusiastically, excited to share her passion. “She and the Ram used to be a team, but then stuff fell out with them or something and now they’re solo racers.” She paused, frowning. “I’d bet it was something to do with the Grand Relic she has. Your girlfriend being under a Relic’s thrall would kind of put a strain on your relationship, you know?”

So the race was Bureau-related. Killian wasn’t surprised. Trust those three to find a way to work a battlewagon race, of all things, into their mission.

A flash of blue caught her eye across the room, and her eyes widened. “Um, I have to go,” she said. “I think I just saw my girlfriend.”

Pebbles waved as Killian pushed through the crowd. “Okay, see you later! Enjoy the race!”

Killian managed to make her way to where she thought she’d seen Carey, but she was nowhere to be found. She took a breath and willed herself not to get upset. Of course she hadn’t found Carey. She was a _rogue_. If she didn’t want to be found, she wouldn’t be. Carey probably wasn’t here, anyway. She was probably hiding out somewhere, avoiding people.

A hand laid itself on her lower back. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Her breath caught in her throat. Carey stood beside her, eyes on the canvas. “Don’t,” she said when Killian opened her mouth. “I’m not in the mood to talk. I’m just here to watch the race, and then I’m leaving again.”

Killian swallowed the lump in her throat. Carey wasn’t looking at her, but she was back. She was _here_. “Okay,” she said quietly. “Just, um, can I say one thing?” Carey nodded, eyes still locked on the canvas. “I’m always here for you, okay? I just...I wanted to remind you.”

Carey nodded, and her fingers brushed Killian’s. “I know.”

A loud horn sounded from the projection, and the crowd roared as the battlewagons burst forth from their crates. Almost immediately, there was an explosion towards the left side of the track, followed by another horn, and huge dust clouds, and more horns, and by the time things had settled out a bit the view had changed to one further down the track. Killian squinted, looking for a wagon with either a raven or a ram in the driver’s seat. There was a long, almost boat-like wagon with long wings coming off the back that looked to be driven by a woman wearing a raven mask. She felt Carey tense beside her, saw electricity crackle around the frill at her neck. That would be the Raven, then. She didn’t see any drivers wearing ram masks, but there was a wagon a little further back with what looked like giant spiraling horns decorating the back, so she figured that was where the boys were. There was a pretty enormous gap between them and the Raven, though. Killian felt herself holding tension in her shoulders and tried to make herself relax. She didn’t really know the stakes of the race—just that Taako, Magnus, and Merle were involved in it—but for Carey’s sake, she wanted to see the Raven lose.

The Raven’s wagon seemed almost untouchable for several long minutes. Then slowly the Ram’s battlewagon started gaining ground. They were still fighting off the rest of the racers, some of which had way cooler wagons than Killian had thought they would. If this hadn’t been an illegal blood sport, she probably would have been way into it. As it was, she figured she’d stick to the Battlefest arena events once all this was said and done. There was less stress there.

Carey actually grabbed Killian’s hand and squeezed it tight when Taako got up close to the Raven on his giant stolen motorcycle. Killian squeezed back, holding Carey for dear life. If the Raven used the Gaia Sash on Taako at this speed, there was no way he’d survive. Then a collective gasp ran through the assembled Bureau employees as Taako disappeared, and the woman in the raven mask appeared on the back of the motorcycle. The motorcycle wobbled and crashed, and the Raven’s battlewagon soared across the finish line with the Ram’s right behind, both vehicles skidding to a stop. The crowd lost it, roaring and cheering and jumping up and down as the projection froze on the image of the victors. Killian felt a giant smile break across her face as she whooped, and beside her Carey screamed in triumph. She turned to Carey, beaming, and Carey grinned back at her, and for a moment, everything was fine. Everything was normal.

Then reality set in again, and their smiles faded, and Carey let go of Killian’s hand. It felt cold without her. Carey swallowed. “Listen,” she said. “I...I have some things to say.”

Killian shook her head. “No, I—”

“Stop. Killian, just...stop.” Carey sighed, looking at the floor. “I’m...I meant what I said earlier. I’m just here to watch the race, and then I’m leaving again. I’ve still got some stuff to figure out by myself before I come home.”

The word ‘home’ hit Killian in the chest like a cannonball. “But...you _will_ come home, right? Eventually?”

Carey looked up at her with a sad smile. “Of course I will. I’m just...I’m figuring out some stuff, and it’s messy, and I want to be alone for just a little longer.” She took a breath. “I’m sorry.”

Killian wanted nothing more than to take Carey in her arms, to beg her to stay and let Killian help her. But Brad had been right yesterday. The best thing she could do for Carey right now was to give her the space she wanted and remind her that she loved her. “Okay,” she said. “You—when?”

Carey seemed to understand what she meant. “Soon, I promise. I’m sorry. I hurt you and I shouldn’t have, and—I promise we can talk about everything later, I swear.” She leaned up and kissed Killian on the cheek. “I’ll be back.”

Killian blinked, and Carey had disappeared.

~~~

“Hey!” Killian looked up from where she was pushing her food around on her tray. Magnus sat down across from her, slamming his own tray of mess food onto the table. “What’s shakin’, bacon?” he asked.

She smiled tiredly at him. It had been a long day. After the race, she’d gone back to the training hall and beaten the ever-loving shit out of a punching bag until she could barely lift her arms. She may not have been completely distraught over Carey after their brief talk, but she still needed to distract herself. “Oh, you know. Stuff.” She stabbed a piece of beef on the end of her fork. “Saw your race today. Didn’t realise you were back or I would’ve come to congratulate you earlier.”

“Yeah, we were _rad_ , huh?” Magnus said proudly. Taako came over and sat with them, not saying anything. “Taako, that fuckin’ race today, right? How awesome was that?”

“’S great,” he said, shoveling food into his mouth. Killian got the feeling he was tired. Usually he was more gregarious than this. “Sucks about what happened afterwards, though.”

Killian frowned. “What happened afterwards?”

Taako looked up from his plate. “You didn’t see that part?”

She shook her head. “The live projection cut out after you guys crossed the finish line.” She’d also been distracted by her own personal issues, so she didn’t think anyone could blame her for being a little behind on the news.

“Oh, well.” Magnus shifted awkwardly. “Uh, so, how much did you know about the mission already?”

Killian shrugged. “Not much. It was the Gaia Sash, right? And the Raven had it? I was a little fuzzy on where the race fit into things. Did she have to give it to you if you won or something?”

Taako made a noncommittal noise. “Weeeelllll, no,” he said. “Hurley just said maybe Sloane’d chill if she realised she could be beaten even with the Sash.” Killian didn’t know who Hurley or Sloane were, and she must have looked a little lost because Taako clarified. “That’s the Ram and the Raven,” he said. “Man, that sounds weird if you say it backwards like that. No wonder they went with it the other way around.”

“What happened?” she asked. “Did she give it to you?”

“Uh,” Magnus said, “no. She kinda tried to kill us with it?”

Killian’s jaw dropped. “How did you survive?” This was a _Grand Relic_ they were talking about here. They had killed thousands of people, including the people under their thrall.

“Hurley,” Magnus said simply. “It was, uh, well, kind of sad?” He looked at Taako, who shrugged. “Yeah, she basically sacrificed herself to get Sloane back to normal, and Sloane used the last of her power to turn the two of them into a tree so Hurley wouldn’t die.”

The blood in Killian’s veins froze. “Sh-she...oh.” They didn’t save the Raven. Of course they didn’t. A Relic’s thrall was eternal; Killian knew that better than anybody.

She stood up abruptly. “I...I have to go.”

“Okay?” Magnus said, bewildered. “Bye?”

She nearly bowled Merle over on her way out of the mess hall, ignoring his yelling as she took off. Fuck waiting for Carey to be ready to talk. She needed to see her .

~~~

When she finally found Carey, she was standing in front of the door to their apartment. She had one hand on the doorknob, and appeared to be internally wrestling with something. She looked up when she heard Killian start down the hall, her eyes wide and startled. “Oh,” she said. “I was just—I, um—”

Killian ran for her and grabbed her in the tightest hug she could give. Carey squawked in her arms. “Kills, I can’t breathe!” Killian loosened her grip just a little, but didn’t let go. “What’s going on?” Carey asked.

“I know,” Killian said, “I know you’re still mad and I know you don’t want to see me, but... _gods_ , Carey, that could’ve been you out there. It could’ve been you in that thing’s thrall and I wouldn’t have been able to save you—I wouldn’t have _wanted_ to save you—I wouldn’t have _cared_. I would’ve just done my job and…” She swallowed. She was going to start crying again. “I don’t want to live in a world where I don’t love you and care about you and wouldn’t do absolutely _anything_ to save you if something happened. I love you so much, Carey. _So much_. Please don’t be angry. I just—if something like that happened to you—if you’d gotten the Gaia Sash before the Raven did—I don’t know, maybe that would’ve made you the better thief but fuck, I don’t care about your thief’s pride, Carey, you would be the one dead out there right now. Not the Raven, _you_. And I—I—”

“Hey.” Carey’s arms wound around Killian’s neck. “I don’t—I’ll admit, I don’t really know what you’re talking about right now? But I’m here. I’m here, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all that stuff to you; I shouldn’t have run off like that. I—I was angry, and hurt, and I didn’t know what to do with it so I lashed out, and you didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry. I can’t promise it’ll never happen again, but...I can promise that I’ll try not to let it.”

Killian rocked them slowly from side to side. Her face was wet, and she didn’t bother trying to wipe it off. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I’m—look.” Carey moved away just enough to take Killian’s face in her hands and look her in the eyes. “Why don’t we go inside and talk this over for real? We’re long overdue for that, I think.”

Killian kissed her, soft and short. “Yeah. That sounds like a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay tbh this whole chapter is 90% of the reason for this fic? Like I kind of had this idea and then in talking to Max about it things just sort of evolved and grew into the rest of the fic. So you have this to blame/thank, depending on your mood I guess.
> 
> Also Brünhilde is another of my D&D characters, this time a dwarf tempest cleric and former "televangelist."


	11. The Crystal Kingdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carey fights some robots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is far and away the longest chapter, clocking in at nearly 11k words. Sorry not sorry, I like 'em long.

A knock at the door interrupted the festivities. Carey barely looked up from where she was on the floor, laughing and chatting with Kate. This wasn’t her room; she didn’t have to answer the door. Accepting Anka and Kate’s invitation to their Candlenights party was the best decision she’d made in a while. They, and their other roommate Amber once she’d joined them, were good friends of Carey’s when she’d lived with them. Killian had been a little disappointed that Carey hadn’t wanted to go to the same party she was going to, but she’d understood. That party was the one the reclaimers were throwing, and Carey didn’t know any of them. It would’ve just been awkward. She would rather hang out with her now somewhat-distant friends. What was Candlenights for if not reconnecting with old friends, right?

“Hey, Carey?” Anka had answered the door, wading through the mess of people in their room to do so. “It’s for you.”

Carey frowned. Who’d be coming to find her on Candlenights? Boyland was getting ready to go home for the holidays, Killian had her own party, the Director would have just sent a message over the loudspeaker, and Davenport was the last person who should’ve been delivering messages. She excused herself and staggered to her feet. Her tail was asleep, dammit. Maybe she’d been sitting too long.

When she finally made it to the door, Killian was waiting for her. “What’s up?” Carey asked. “Party get cancelled and you decided to come join my cooler, better party?”

Killian shook her head. “I wish. There’s an emergency situation and the Director needs us to go on a joint mission with the reclaimers.”

Carey stared. “On Candlenights?”

“If she could’ve let it wait, I think she would’ve.” Killian rubbed her bare arms. “Fuck, I should’ve worn a jacket. Get your stuff and meet me at Leon’s, okay? I gotta go nab Boyland before he takes off for home; we’re gonna need everyone for this one.”

Holy shit, it really was serious. Carey nodded. “Give me five minutes.”

~~~

The null suits were weird and not the most comfortable thing Carey had ever worn. Carey’s suit squeaked against itself when she moved. This was going to put kind of a huge damper on her sneakiness.

Avi was waiting for them in the hangar, fussing over some long gondola-looking boats. Carey glanced at Killian. “No cannonballs today?”

She shook her head. “We’re going to a floating science base, right? The cannonballs would just knock it out of the sky, and, uh, as per the mission parameters, that would be kind of the end of everything.”

Carey nodded. “Gotcha.”

The door opened and three more people entered the hangar, heading towards them with varying degrees of urgency. The tallest, a human man, reached them first, with a male elf ambling along behind him and a male dwarf waddling over as fast as his stubby little legs would let him. Carey propped her hands on her hips and looked them over. So these were the reclaimers she’d heard so much about.

Killian waved them over, grinning. “Hey, I want you guys to meet the regulators, my rollin’ crew. My squad.” She gestured at Carey. “This,” she said, voice coloured with pride, “is Carey Fangbattle. She’s a rogue, and she’s damn good at what she does. Y’know, rogue-like stuff.”

The elf held up a finger, like he was remembering something. “I’ve heard tale of your brother, uh, Scales?”

She grimaced. Of all the family members people could associate her with, her brother was probably the worst one. “Oh man, you know Jeremy? Yeah, he can be a real tool sometimes.” She laughed, but it came out more awkward than she wanted it to. Shit. “Uh, that’s not me, though. I’m _Carey_ Fangbattle. I’m a rogue. I’m the best there is at what I do. Rogue stuff. You know.” She shrugged. There was no point in being modest about it. She _was_ the best.

The human had a big smile on his face. “Rogue-ing around? Rogue-eo?”

“Roguery?” the dwarf suggested. “You’re good at roguery?”

Oh, she liked these guys. “General roguery, yeah. You know the point.”

Killian was still grinning proudly. “Oh, right, uh, Carey, these are Magnus,” she pointed at the human, “Taako,” the elf, “and Merle.” The dwarf. “I’ve told you about them.”

Carey smiled. “I’ve heard stories, yeah. Lookin’ forward to working with you folks.”

Magnus gave her a thumbs up. Next to her, Boyland lifted the visor on his helmet and a plume of cigar smoke came out. He waved it away and squinted up at the reclaimers. “Hello,” he said gruffly. “I suppose introductions are in order.” Magnus shrugged. “My name...is Boyland.”

Taako snickered. “’Scuse me?”

Carey decided to stay out of this one. This happened a lot to Boyland, and she wasn’t ashamed to admit that she’d _definitely_ gotten a few good chuckles out of his name when they’d first met. Who the hell named their kid Boyland, anyway?

The Director approached them, holding out her necklace. The Stone of Farspeech Killian had told them about was talking. “So there are a few points of entry that you can conceivably get into the base through,” it was saying. Carey didn’t recognise the voice, but Killian had said that Lucas, a Bureau consultant and their mission target, had been the one to contact the Director, so she assumed it was him. “But your best bet is the conservatory. I have a pretty big skylight there that was open when everything went down, so you should be able to get through there pretty easily. Once you’re inside, just start making your way to the center of the facility, you’ll find the medbay where I’m holed up. I’m in the main elevator lobby on the same floor as the conservatory. You just have to go through some of my lab facilities to get there from the conservatory. Also, if you can power them down as you go, you’ll be able to free up some power that I can channel back into the suspension cores and buy us all some more time.” The longer Lucas talked, the more annoyed with him Carey got. From what Killian said in the mission briefing, this whole situation was _his_ fault because he’d gotten his hands on a Grand Fucking Relic—the Philosopher’s Stone—and hadn’t bothered to tell the Director about it until it was about to fuck up the whole world. She was glad her job was the ‘punch Lucas in the face’ type of job, because boy howdy was that something she wanted to do.

Someone else’s voice chimed in from Magnus’s pocket. “Be careful in there.” It was Angus McDonald, who Carey had met all of once, but she didn’t know any other small children who’d be contacting them about a Bureau mission. “According to the psych profile I’ve drawn up based on what the Director told me about Lucas, he’s a pretty reckless individual, and I’m willing to bet his experiments aren’t above-board safety wise.”

The Director took off her necklace and held it out to them. “You guys are probably going to need this,” she said.

Killian put her arm around Carey’s shoulders and squeezed her close for a second. Carey took a steadying breath. This was just like any other mission, except that they had even more of a time limit than usual and they had more people to deal with and also there was the very, very real threat of a Grand Relic being used, not just some thralled dipshit. It’d be fine. What could go wrong?

~~~

Well, for starters, they could fucking _miss_ their entry point. Sailing through the air in their gondola was absolutely one of the coolest things Carey had ever done, and if she ever had the opportunity to have Avi hurl her full speed like a lawn dart again, she was going to take it _for sure_. But then a strong blast of wind picked up the boat, and suddenly it wasn’t fun anymore. They sailed over and past the hole they’d been aiming for, and for a terrifying moment it looked like they were going to miss the lab entirely and go plummeting to their deaths. She clung to Killian as the gondola crashed at the very top of the lab, the impact rattling her teeth. Slowly, from the point of impact, their boat started turning into the same pink crystal that covered the top of the lab in weird spikes.

Carefully, Carey hopped out of the boat and helped Boyland out. Killian clambered out, looking around. “Looks like we hit the ventilation,” she said, pointing to a large, crystallized vent coming out of the ground. It had probably been made of metal at one point, but now it was solid pink tourmaline.

Carey nodded. “That looks like the best way in, unless we want to try climbing over these spiky things to get to the skylight. Which, for the record, I don’t.”

“On it,” Boyland said, hefting his axe. He slammed it into the vent and the crystal shattered, sending chunks flying.

Carey instinctually held her arms over her face to protect it. “Dibs,” she said, hurrying forward. It was fucking freezing outside.

“Wait.” Killian was eyeing the ventilation shaft warily. “Are we sure it’s going to hold my weight? I don’t mean to brag, but I’m—I’m pretty big. Like, a lot bigger than you two. Maybe I should find another way in.”

“No way.” Boyland shook his head. “We’re already split from the rest of the group. Splitting off again isn’t going to give us any fewer problems.”

“Ventilation shafts are _super_ sturdy,” Carey assured her. “I climb around in them all the time. Just, you know, take it slow, and don’t, like, jump up and down a whole bunch.” Killian still didn’t look convinced. “Okay, how about this,” Carey tried. “It is cold as _fuck_ out here and if we don’t get inside in two minutes I’m going to just straight up _die_. So I’ll go scout ahead and find a grate that’ll get us into a safe-ish room, and then once I’ve found one I’ll let you know. We’ll all go down one at a time so we don’t bring the entire system crashing down around our ears. Sound good?”

Killian still looked worried, but she nodded. “It’s as good a plan as any. Holler if you need us and we’ll be right down.”

Carey winked and swung herself into the vent. It was dark, and she swore under her breath. Now would be a _real_ great time to have darkvision, or even a Light cantrip, but those just weren’t options right now. She groped her way along, feeling around for a vent. It took a couple of minutes, but she finally found a section on the floor that felt different from the rest. Giving it a good whack with her elbow confirmed her suspicions—the grate broke off and clattered to the floor forty feet below her. She couldn’t see much of the room, but it looked like the crystallization hadn’t spread to it yet. There was no tourmaline to be seen anywhere. Grinning, she scampered back to where she’d dropped down. “Okay, I found a spot,” she called up. “Just give me a second to attach a rope, and then Boyland, you come down first. Killian, give him a couple minutes and then come down yourself, okay?”

She heard Killian shout “Got it!” and hurried off again, pulling a rope out of her pack. Leon had sprayed all their gear down with his weird transmutation-nullifying spray, so even if the worst happened and the crystals suddenly spread, the rope would be fine. Unfortunately, the smooth sides of the vent didn’t give her many options to tie it down, so she had to sacrifice a piton to tie the rope to. Hopefully it’d hold all of them. She swung herself down into the room and shimmied down the rope, taking a moment to look around before the other two got there.

The room was circular with a large pillar in the middle. There were a few weird-looking round doors out of the room. One appeared to go back towards the way they were originally supposed to come in. There was another one, directly across from it, that looked to go deeper into the lab. And on the wall across from Carey, there were two more. One looked completely shut down and derelict, and the other had a very helpful sign over it that read “Lucas’s Private Quarters.”

Just as she was wondering whether she should snoop in Lucas’s room to see what else he was hiding (or if he was hiding in there), Boyland dropped into the room, sliding down the rope a little too quickly and landing in a heap on the floor. She stifled a laugh. “You good there, B?” she asked, helping him to his feet.

“Fine, fine, I’m fine,” he muttered, dusting himself off. He opened the faceplate of his helmet, letting the cigar smoke that was trapped in it escape.

“You should probably ditch the cigars for this one,” Carey said. “Gonna make it kinda hard to see, don’t you think?”

Boyland waved her off, letting his faceplate fall shut. Smoke immediately started building up in his helmet again. “It’s fine. You kids worry too much.”

There was a loud banging noise from the ventilation shaft, and then Killian clambered down the rope, landing on her feet between them. “I am never doing that again,” she declared.

Carey pointed at Lucas’s room. “What do you guys think? Do we just go through and nab Lucas, or should we check his room first? He might be hiding stuff.” It was super weird to be checking with others instead of just busting out the lockpicks and getting her rogue on, but she was part of a team. Although if anyone deserved to have his shit stolen, it was Lucas.

Killian shook her head. “I think we’ve wasted enough time just getting in here. Our job is to go get Lucas and figure out what to do with him ASAP.”

“What about the reclaimers?” Boyland asked.

“If we don’t have time to loot—uh, check Lucas’s room,” Carey said, “we don’t have time to wait around for them. We gotta press on.”

Killian snapped her fingers and dug out a piece of parchment and a pen. “Let me just leave them a note,” she said. “It’ll take me a minute tops.”

Carey nodded. “I’ll go scope out the door then. C’mon, Boyland.”

Boyland followed her, giving Lucas’s room a rather impressive stinkeye as they passed it. “Little turd,” he muttered. “He was supposed to be one of our consultants. Can’t believe he’d betray the Director’s trust like that. I mean, I guess I can. Don’t think anyone on the base that knows him actually likes him.”

“He sounds like a peach,” Carey said, inspecting the door. It looked like some kind of weird airlock type dealio. There was a button next to it, and she jabbed it. The door opened, and she waved at Killian. “You almost done over there?”

Killian seemed to be looking for a good place to leave the note, finally settling for under the rope they'd used to come in before joining them at the door. “Let’s get going.”

The other side of the door just led to a small chamber with branching paths, a door at the end of each. On the left, they could deal with the ‘Death Laser Calibration Chamber,’ or on the right there was the ‘Large Humanoid Species Behaviour Modification Testing.’ The right sign was crossed out and the word ‘HUGBEARS’ was scrawled over it. Carey folded her arms. “Hey, remember how that Angus kid said Lucas might not be super above-board with his shit?” she asked. “Uh, name literally _one_ good guy in all of history that has a fucking _Death Laser Calibration Chamber_.”

Killian scowled. “I call dibs on punching Lucas first.”

“I vote not that room,” Boyland said. “It sounds like laser grids and dodging and, frankly, I’m not built for that.”

Carey glanced up at Killian. “Kills?” she asked. “What do you think?”

Killian cracked her knuckles. “I think ‘Large Humanoid Species’ sounds like something I can deal with. Let’s take that one.”

“Hugbears it is,” Carey said, heading over and opening the door.

The hugbear room had all the trappings of a fairly nice apartment, but what drew the eye most were the four huge bugbears just...chilling. Carey stared. She’d dealt with bugbears before, unfortunately, and they were all invariably violent, aggressive animals. These ones looked over at them when the door opened, mild confusion on their faces. “Well, hi there,” the biggest, most grizzled one said. “Can we help you?”

Carey looked up at Killian and held up her hands. “You talk to them.”

Killian balked. “Me? Why can’t you?”

“You’re the one that said ‘Large Humanoid Species’ sounded like something you could deal with!”

“Are you lost?” asked another bugbear. “You look lost.”

“No,” Killian said. “We just—um—”

“We can make you some tea,” the big one said. “Got a—just a real nice oolong ’round here somewheres, if you’re lookin’ for that.”

“No, thank you.” Killian looked at Carey pleadingly. “We, uh, we’re just passing through. Don’t mind us.”

All four of them frowned. “Passing through?” said the smallest. “Uh, no, you can’t go through here. This is the private section of the lab. Only us and Lucas and his robots are allowed in through here.”

“Move it,” Boyland said, stepping forward. “We gotta get through to Lucas.”

The small bugbear bared her teeth. “Don’t even think about it,” she growled. “We’ve got a job to do, here.”

“So do we!” Carey said. “Look, Lucas called us here. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the lab’s kind of sinking? And if it hits the ground then, well, that’s the end. We’re here to help!”

The old grizzled one squinted at them. “How do we know you’re not lying? Sure, the lab’s sinking, but for all we know you could just be looking to off Lucas, and we can’t—”

“Oh, fuck this,” Boyland grumbled, hefting his axe and running forward before Carey could stop him. He went for the big one first, because of _course_ he did, swinging his axe at his head.

“Boyland!” Killian snapped. “Stand down!”

Carey dug through her pack frantically. She had something to help but godsdamn she needed to reorganize her shit. Killian dove into the scuffle, trying to separate people and yelling at Boyland, who was getting pretty thoroughly pounded. Finally, Carey managed to pull out the bomb she’d gotten from Leon’s gachapon a few months back, and she lobbed it into the fray, praying that Killian and Boyland’s nullsuits would keep them from breathing in the sleeping gas.

Within seconds, the four bugbears had collapsed in a heap, with Boyland stuck somewhere in the middle. Killian tugged him out as Carey came over, scolding him the whole time. “You can’t just _fight_ your way through everything,” she was saying. “You’re the one who taught me that! What the hell were you thinking? You could’ve gotten yourself killed, and then where would we be? Down a regulator on a mission that already only has half its members in any given place at any given time!”

“Oh, fuck off,” he said, readjusting his belt. “We’re out of the frying pan for now, at any rate.”

Killian’s hands balled into fists. “You remember the last half of that saying is ‘and into the fire,’ right? We could’ve talked our way out of that!”

“Sure,” Boyland muttered. “Because you were doing a great job of it so far.”

“Guys, please,” Carey said. This was a totally normal argument for these two. Normally, they got along really damn well. Killian liked to joke that Boyland was basically the dad she should’ve had. But they fought over battle tactics all the time. It was exhausting. “Can we argue about this later and just go?”

Killian was still glaring at Boyland, but she turned on her heel and headed for the door on the other end of the room without another word. Carey followed her, putting a hand on her shoulder as she opened it. “Hey,” she said quietly. “You good?”

Killian sighed. “I’m good,” she said. “He just...gets on my nerves sometimes, you know?”

Carey patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. You guys’ll kill some robots or something together and everything’ll be forgotten. I know you.”

Boyland wandered in behind them. “Cleaning supplies,” he said, looking around at the room’s contents. “Weird.” Killian said nothing and pushed through the room towards a door at the opposite end. Carey shook her head at Boyland and followed.

The next room was covered in crystals, and Carey took a moment to look around. There was an open window, which explained why it was so cold. Snow swirled in through it, immediately crystallizing when it hit the floor and walls. It had clearly been going for a while, because there was quite a buildup on the ground. It would have been eerily beautiful, if it wasn’t about to destroy the entire world.

“Boyland!” Killian shouted, and Carey turned just in time to see Boyland standing by the window, opening the faceplate on his helmet. Killian rushed to him, and Carey stood rooted to the ground, a sick feeling in her stomach. When the smoke cleared, Boyland was gone, replaced with a perfect copy of himself made entirely out of pink tourmaline, and Killian was draped over him, sobbing.

Carey’s hands flew to her face, clacking against her helmet. The crystal snow. It had to be. She hesitantly approached Boyland and Killian, resting a hand on Killian’s shoulder. “Kills,” she said, her voice breaking, “I’m so sorry.”

Killian didn’t say anything, instead standing and grabbing Carey in a tight hug, burying her face in her shoulder. Carey rubbed her back as tears gathered in her eyes. Boyland hadn’t deserved this. He’d been reckless, and he’d paid the price, and now they were left behind to deal without him. She tried to think of something to say, but...what could she say? What _was_ there to say? She couldn’t even wipe away their tears with their stupid nullsuits.

Finally, Killian straightened, letting go of Carey. She started to wipe her face, but her hands pressed against her helmet, and she laughed uselessly. “I don’t—” She stopped and took a breath.

Carey took Killian’s hand. “When we’re done here,” she said, “after we go punch Lucas in his stupid face until he can’t get up anymore, we’re gonna come back here. We’re gonna get Boyland. We’re gonna give him the best fucking sendoff a dwarf could ask for. But right now, we’re gonna keep going, because we’re strong, and we have each other, and we can’t let what happened to Boyland happen to anyone else. Okay?”

Killian had tears in her eyes again, but she was smiling now. “Let’s finish the mission,” she said. “We’re gonna make that dumb, reckless old coot proud.”

~~~

The next room, once they got to it, had two doors labelled ‘Gravity Augmentation Chamber’ and ‘Temperature Augmentation Chamber.’ Carey made a beeline for the Temperature Augmentation Chamber. “Come on,” she said, pressing the button to open the airlock. “Maybe it’s warmer in here.”

Killian shook her head. “I doubt it.” Her voice was still a little rough from crying. “But it’s worth a shot, and we’ve got to get a move on, anyway.”

Carey stepped into the room and immediately regretted her decision. The room was _freezing_. A thick layer of ice covered the floor, walls, and ceiling. Littered around the room were a dozen shitty-looking robots covered in ice. As the door shut behind Killian, all twelve of them swiveled to face them. Carey stopped moving. Maybe they could only sense movement.

One of the robots aimed what looked like an arm cannon at them and Carey dove out of the way as it fired. Killian jumped in the opposite direction, and the blast missed both of them, hitting the airlock instead. A thick layer of ice spread over it, blocking their exit. Carey swore. “Swear later,” Killian said, rolling to her feet and pulling out her crossbow in one smooth movement. “Murder robots now.”

As rallying cries went, it needed work, but Carey was absolutely not going to turn down the chance to take some robots to clown town. She slipped around behind Killian as the rest of the robots started firing, sprinting along the edge of the wall and bouncing off the far wall to skid into a robot and stab it in the back with a dagger. She left it there to collapse and went sprinting up the wall. Normally, she wasn't a ‘draw their fire’ sort of combatant, but with Boyland down, Killian needed someone to cover her back more than ever. As she dropped down to crush a robot beneath her weight, she watched Killian shoot a bolt right through a robot’s chest, then another one through its head almost instantly. Carey grinned. Or, maybe Killian didn’t need too much backup. “I’m at two!” she boasted.

Killian loaded another arrow and rolled out of the way of an ice blast before firing. She flashed Carey a grin. “Three for me!”

Carey laughed. “Oh, so we’re doing this now?” She grabbed a robot by the head and yanked, pulling its head clean off its shoulders.

“You started it,” Killian retorted, reloading her crossbow.

“Four!” Carey declared, grabbing her headless robot by the legs and swinging it into another one. They both went down in a shower of sparks, and she backflipped away from the fray as the robots turned their blasters on her. This was exactly what they needed after the last room. Beating the shit out of some ice robots was a really, _really_ good way to avoid dealing with grief.

After only a few seconds, combat was over, and the robots lay deactivated at their feet. Carey dusted off her hands and went to collect her daggers, high fiving Killian as she approached the robots to collect bolts. “Six each,” she said, yanking a dagger out of a robot corpse. “Not bad.”

Killian looked around at the carnage. “So what do you think this room is _supposed_ to be for? I can’t imagine even Lucas would be cracked enough to have a room specifically for ice robots of death.”

Carey shrugged. “He might be. Who knows? Nah, it’s probably just for temperature experiments and the robots are just here for extra security or cleaning duty or something like that. Except Lucas is a shitty scientist who forgot the three rules of robotics.”

“We might have bigger problems than that,” Killian said, pointing at the airlocks. There were two in this room—the one they’d come in through, and the one that led deeper into the lab. Both of them were completely frozen over. “You don’t have anything from Leon that can, like, shoot fire or anything, do you?”

Carey groaned. “No, because that’d be _helpful_.” Fuck a duck, they were stuck. She rubbed her arms. Now that she wasn’t running around fighting, the cold was really starting to set in. “Kills, we need to either warm up the room or get out of here fast, because I’m cold blooded, and this is going to start causing problems for me in a couple minutes.”

Killian pulled a hand axe from her gear and headed for the door. “Let’s get chopping, then.”

Carey joined her, a dagger in each hand. This was _not_ what her daggers were for, dammit, and she’d better not damage them. “Hurry up,” she said. “I’m so cold that I’m starting to turn blue.”

Killian scowled at her. “That was terrible, babe. I love you, but that was _awful_.”

They hacked at the wall in silence for a few minutes before Killian spoke up again. “Listen,” she said. “About Boyland, I…”

Carey nudged her. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to pretend to be cool about it if you’re not.”

Killian shook her head. “No, that’s not—I mean, I’m upset, for sure. He was real important to me, and I just—I wish the last thing I said to him wasn’t part of an argument, you know? But that’s the risks of this job. I guess. I’m just...are _you_ doing okay?”

“Hey.” Carey stopped chopping and looked at Killian. “I should be asking _you_ that. He was your dad before he was mine.”

“Well. I just.” Killian swallowed. “It’s easier for me to make sure others are okay than to stop and take stock of how _I’m_ doing, you know? I can—I can do that part later. And, hey, you know, I care about you and stuff. Gotta make sure the gf’s doin’ good. That’s what good girlfriends _do_.”

Carey leaned up and pressed her helmet to Killian’s in the best approximation of a kiss she could manage. “I’ll be fine. _You’ll_ be fine. Now let’s get the hell out of here.”

A voice came from the other side of the airlock, and the door shook like someone was hitting it from the outside. Carey banged on the door with a fist. “Merle?” she called. “Taako? Magnus? Is that you guys?”

“Is that you guys?” Magnus called back.

“Yeah, it’s Killian and Carey, we—”

“Oh,” Magnus said, half-laughing. “I was thinking of different guys.”

Killian rolled her eyes, and Carey laughed. She and Magnus would have to exchange shitty jokes later. “Can you help us get out of here? We’ve been chopping at this ice wall forever!”

“It’s been, like, five minutes,” Killian muttered.

Carey elbowed her. “Quiet, you. Taako, do you have any, like, fire stuff you can do? We’re like, _really_ up shit creek here.”

“Sure, yeah, hold on,” Taako said. “Guys stand back a second, okay? Mags, get out of the way.”

“I’m helping!” Magnus insisted.

“Not if you get roasted alive you’re not!”

A loud whoosh sounded, and the ice around the airlock was suddenly a lot thinner and more fragile. Killian raised her axe and smashed into it, and the ice cracked and splintered. “Almost got it!” she shouted.

There was a lot of screaming and yelling coming from the other side. Carey glanced up at Killian. “Are they always like this?”

She nodded. “This is just their modus operandi. I’m honestly shocked they get anything done at all, but they can pull some surprisingly competent shit when they want to.”

The last of the ice cracked and fell to the floor, and Carey slammed the button to open the door. They needed to get the _fuck_ out of there.

Killian went through first, beaming. “I’m so glad that you guys—WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Carey looked around her and gasped, hands flying to her helmet to cover her mouth. Merle was lying on the ground, unconscious, bleeding from the stump of his right arm. Magnus stood over him, breathing hard and looking panicked, holding a bloody axe. Taako was plastered against a wall, staring, and there was some weird-looking robot hovering over Merle, also panicking. Lying just next to Merle was a lump of crystal about the length of the arm Magnus had chopped off. Her gut clenched. They had come so close to losing another person to these crystals, and if Merle bled out, they still might.

“Step two,” Magnus said, “somebody heal him.”

The robot quivered frantically. “I don’t have any—my med—my med spray yet!” she said.

Carey opened her mouth to ask what the _fuck_ had happened, but Lucas’s voice chimed in through the pendant Magnus was wearing. “What just happened? You’re close to the med bay, bring him in! Did you just cut his fucking arm off?!”

“Yes,” Magnus said after a moment’s hesitation. He stowed his axe and grabbed Merle, slinging him over his shoulder. Taako opened the airlock that led further into the lab and all six of them hurried in. A noise behind them caught Carey’s attention, and she turned just in time to see the crystals in the room start to materialize into a giant golem of some kind, with Merle’s crystallized arm floating in the middle, but the door slammed shut behind them before much else could happen. She nudged Taako. “What the fuck was that?”

He shrugged. “Oh, that’s the thing that’s been chasing us through here the whole time. You haven’t seen it yet?”

She groaned. “Gods— _no_ , we haven’t seen anything like that! What the fuck have you guys been—”

“Lucas!” Magnus shouted, rushing into the next room. The sign over the airlock read ‘Decontamination Chamber,’ and a scrawny human man—presumably Lucas—was rushing around what looked like a small medical lab, grabbing equipment and dumping it on a tray next to an operating table. “Fix my friend!”

“What did you _do_ to that dwarf?” Lucas asked, staring at Merle, still hanging over Magnus’s shoulder.

Killian stomped forward and grabbed Lucas by the shirt collar, slamming him against the wall. “This has been the worst, shittiest day ever,” she snarled, “we are two people down, _your lab SUCKS_.”

Lucas squirmed in her grip and pointed at Merle. “You’d better put me down if you want me to help him!”

As much as Carey also wanted to deck Lucas in his stupid face, they needed Merle not to die. “Kills, can we take this thing—just bring it down a little bit. Let’s figure out how to help Merle right now.”

Killian glared at Lucas and dropped him unceremoniously on the floor before stomping over to a corner and pulling out her Stone of Farspeech. Carey shot Lucas a glare of her own, but stayed where she was. Killian could report to the Director just fine by herself, and she wanted to keep an eye on Lucas.

Lucas picked himself up, wincing, as Magnus dropped Merle on the table. He grabbed a syringe and stuck it into Merle’s arm, and Merle screamed, but the bleeding started to slow down. Carey bounced on her toes, watching between them to make sure Lucas didn’t pull any funny shit. “What’s been going _on_ out there?” Lucas asked, preparing another needle. “What are you guys doing? What happened to Merle?”

“Well, he, uh—” Magnus started.

“I got disarmed,” Merle mumbled. Carey shook her head. Clearly he was going to be okay if he could make shitty jokes.

“He started to crystallize,” Magnus said. “We were chopping on a door and magicking a door, then we heard Noelle scream, then we turned around, his hand was turning to crystal and then his _arm_ was turning to crystal, and I heroically— _valiantly_ —chopped his arm off—against my wishes—he begged me—”

“Hey, listen,” Taako said. He gestured to Lucas. “Lucas isn’t your _dad_. You don’t owe Lucas any explanation. Get us out of here!”

Lucas shook his head as Merle moaned in pain on the table. “I can’t—we can’t get out of here until we manage to stop the base from sinking into the sea and crystallizing everything. Did you forget why we’re here? It’s cause—I—I fucked up an experiment pretty bad. But, uh, this arm thing, that’s not on me I don’t think!”

Magnus nudged Merle. “Merle, can you hear me? Why was your arm turning to crystal? What happened?”

Merle gasped. “God...lied,” he managed.

Carey and Magnus exchanged a confused look. “God lied to you?” Magnus asked.

“God liiiiied to me,” Merle slurred. “You have the prettiest eyes.”

“Okay, yes I do,” Magnus said, “but focus up, what do you mean?”

“And then some British guy threw a crystal at me,” he added. “And I grabbed it, and it _hurt_.”

Lucas’s eyes widened. “It’s that _being_. It’s that being that’s been attacking my lab. I don’t know what the fuck that thing is, but I’m so sorry you guys had to get mixed up in this. I didn’t want any of this, you have to believe me.” He jabbed a second needle into Merle’s arm and Merle stopped babbling.

“There’s a lot of shit going on, Lucas, that I feel like you’re not being honest about?” Magnus said, digging through his pockets. He held up a tarnished compact mirror.

“That’s—oh, god, you went in my room?” Lucas asked, mortified.

“I did, it was a fucking mess!” Magnus said.

“Clean your shit, dirty boy!” Taako added.

“I’m—alright, listen, priorities!” Lucas grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled a few notes on it before handing it to Carey. “I need you to get over to the bugbears and tell Jamie Green to bring me these supplies right now, or you can bring them back, tell her to give you these supplies and get back to me as quick as you can.”

She didn’t want to leave the rest of the group, but if something happened she was sure Killian could take Lucas without much trouble. Besides, she was easily the fastest one there. “You got it,” she said, turning and sprinting out of the room.

The crystal golem was gone, and while on the one hand she was relieved, on the other hand it was probably not a good thing that they didn’t know where it went. The door on the other side of the Temperature Augmentation Chamber was probably still frozen, so Carey opened the door into the Gravity Autmentation Chamber instead.

If she hadn’t been in such a huge hurry, and if she hadn’t been so pissed off at Lucas, she probably would have appreciated a room with zero gravity. Unfortunately, at this point it was just another annoying obstacle to have to launch herself through.

It _was_ kind of awesome, though.

She slid back into the room right before the hugbears. Something clutched at her heart as her eyes landed on Boyland’s statue, and she laid a hand on it. That had nearly happened to Merle, but Magnus had managed to save him. Why couldn’t she and Killian save Boyland? Why did this have to happen?

Carey clenched her fists, crushing Lucas’s note. Compartmentalize. Move forward. She still had a mission to finish.

The bugbears weren’t very happy to see her. Carey held up her hands as they growled at her. “Hey, um, sorry about earlier, water under the bridge and all that, I have a note from Lucas and a guy’s life kind of hangs in the balance here, so if Jamie Green could grab this stuff for me that’d be great.” She held out the paper and one of the bugbears snatched it from her, reading it over.

“Soulwood?” she said. She looked back at Carey, confused. “That’s—we only have one specimen of that, what does Lucas—”

“I don’t have a lot of time to explain,” Carey said, “just—give me the things, please, my friend is _dying_.”

Jamie shrugged, but pushed past Carey into the supply room, leaving Carey with three disgruntled hugbears. The big one cleared his throat. “So,” he said. “Oolong?”

“No, thank you,” Carey said politely. “Kind of—my friend Merle is kind of bleeding out and Lucas said this’d help him—”

“Merle?” another bugbear piped up. “We know Merle! Is he okay?”

“No, he’s bleeding out, which is why I need—”

Jamie came back in with a potted plant. “Hope this helps,” she said, handing it to Carey.

“Thanks.” Carey turned and started to go, then paused. “Um. No hard feelings about the smoke bomb, yeah? We had to get through. Sorry about that.”

She got the fuck out of dodge before they could reply, because she did _not_ want to stick around and find out if she’d pissed off four bugbears.

~~~

Merle’s new arm was fucking _sick_. He kept fidgeting with it as they all followed Lucas in their recharged nullsuits. Killian hung towards the back, and Carey dropped back to talk to her. “Everything okay?” she asked. She’d been oddly quiet.

Killian nodded. “Just checked in with the Director while all that went down. Our mission parameters haven’t changed, but we have to hold onto Lucas until he tells us where the Philosopher’s Stone is. I’m just…” She stopped herself with a sigh. “I’m getting worried, Carey. Lucas said we still had, like, an hour and a half, because he’s been able to shut down a bunch of stuff and reroute the power, but honestly? I’m not sure that’ll be enough time. We’ve gotta get him out of here and back to the base.”

Carey squeezed her hand. “Give it a few more minutes. I want to kick his ass just as bad as you do, but if we can get him to explain what’s going on here, we should. Any intel we can get out of him is good, right?”

“Right.” Killian glared daggers at the back of Lucas’s head as he led them into a room labelled ‘Cosmoscope.’ “But he’s on thin fucking ice.”

~~~

“What’s bigger than this?”

Carey blinked, and Taako, Magnus, and Merle were all in slightly different positions than they’d been in a second ago. Noelle, the robot that they’d apparently made friends with at some point, had a little satellite dish out and was looking at some kind of readings. “Well, that’s weird,” she said. “I had my scanner on before, from when I was scanning that crystal monster. It’s, uh, I’m picking up—one of you guys isn’t a lich, are you?”

Carey looked around the room. She’d never met a lich, but she’d heard stories, and she was pretty sure she’d know if one of the people in the room was a horrifying magic ghost. At the very least, Noelle would have picked up on it before now.

Noelle put her scanner away. “I guess my scanner is on the blitz. On the fritz. Um.”

“Hey, did one of you knock over my trash bin?” Lucas asked.

Carey took advantage of the momentary distraction to check in with Killian again. “When do we haul his ass back?” she asked. “We don’t have a lot of time.”

Killian shook her head. “He has to get us access to the lower levels first. Or, well, get _them_ access.” She gestured towards the reclaimers. “That’s where the Philosopher’s Stone is, and that’s why I’m hoping he’ll get the fuck on with this and stop dicking around.”

Carey linked arms with her. “We’ve got this,” she assured her. “It’ll work out, you’ll see.”

~~~

Killian had her crossbow pointed at Lucas’s throat and Carey had her daggers poised to throw. Taako, Magnus, and Merle had wisely backed out of the way. “The only place you’re goin’ is the pokey,” Killian said.

Magnus sputtered. “Wh— _timing_!”

She glared at him. “We’ve received orders—we have to get—we had to figure out what he was doing! Do you not remember?! Our orders? From the Director?”

“No, I do!” Magnus protested. “But you couldn’t wait until _after_ he helped us stop the thing?”

Killian shook her head. “I’m not gonna let him get anywhere _near_ the Philosopher’s Stone. I don’t trust this dude as far as I can throw him—”

She and Magnus started arguing, and Carey looked between them, unsure if she should jump in. “Okay, guys, listen,” she tried. “We gotta take him away! We gotta take him out!” This was their _job_ , did they not understand that?

Carey was summarily ignored, and she scowled. They didn’t need the reclaimers’ permission to take out a target! Who were they, her dads? She elbowed Killian to try and get her attention, but she was stuck on arguing with Magnus.

There was a rumble in the floor and walls, a deafening roar, and a ripple of blue shot out from the center of the room, and suddenly the pink tourmaline was blue sapphire. Before Carey could even think to ask Lucas what had just happened, a second ripple turned the room emerald, and then a third topaz, and the room shook so violently that Carey had to steady herself on a wall so she didn’t fall over. After a few moments, the crystals settled on purple amethyst, and everyone looked around at each other, unsteady on their feet and, if they were feeling like Carey did, highly unsettled. The longer they argued, the more time they wasted. The reclaimers had less than an hour to recover the Stone before the whole world turned into—well, amethyst, now, apparently.

“Gang, listen,” Lucas said. He clenched his fists. “We don’t have time for this.”

All of Carey’s joints locked up and her muscles seized, and she fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes, Killian collapsing next to her. Lucas disappeared into the elevator as the three boys fell too, apologising over and over. “I was fighting for _you_ , you ass!” Magnus shouted as the elevator doors slammed shut behind Lucas.

“I am _absolutely_ going to kill him,” Killian growled. “ _Oh_ my god I’m gonna kill him so good.”

“You and me both, Killian,” Magnus said.

Carey struggled to move, but she couldn’t. Fuck, this had broken _so_ bad. If they got out of this alive, there’d be a fucking conga line of people lining up to deck Lucas in his stupid nerdy face.

A chime sounded, and as Carey looked around for the source of it a quiet song began to play. Merle and Magnus both swore. A high pitched woman’s voice started to sing, reverberating through the crystals covering the room.

_“Saved from the darkness by my child,_   
_Locked in a cage of glass and steel,_   
_But my true love remains in exile,_   
_Beckoning me to break the seal_   
_Into this crystal kingdom.”_

As the lyrics ended, a rift opened in space, and a small light floated through. Loose crystals started lifting off the floor and combining together to form a sort of giant, crystalline skeleton. It stood over them, head tilted, and suddenly through her Stone of Farspeech Carey heard “Well, this is hardly fair.”

~~~

There was a crack in Killian’s helmet. Carey’s hands shook. She couldn’t stay with them, it wouldn’t be safe, she was at risk now. Killian squeezed her hand. “Carey, be careful,” she said. “Just get these guys to the finish line. Don’t be a hero.”

Carey couldn’t even kiss her goodbye. Dammit. “Yeah,” she said. “We’ll be good here. You be careful with that helmet, okay? Stay safe out there.”

With one last squeeze of her hand, Killian walked through the doors towards the hugbear room, and Carey had a stone sitting in the pit of her stomach.

~~~

More fucking robots, this time with fucking _ghosts_ piloting them. Carey tossed her Distraction Orb into the air and rolled behind them while everyone stared at it. She popped up behind one of the robots that wasn’t Magic Brian (she didn’t know who the fuck these clowns were, but apparently the boys had made a few enemies on their missions) and slashed at its back before pushing off with both feet and backflipping away. When she came to her feet again, Magnus was staring at her with wide, fascinated eyes. She winked at him and disappeared into the shadows to get ready for her next attack. As much as wrecking shop on robots always made her feel better, they _super_ didn’t have time for whatever dumb ghost revenge plot was going on here.

Taako clumsily swung a shortsword at Merle, connecting by some miracle, and Carey grimaced. Confusion was a hell of a spell. Magic Brian cleared his throat, or made a throat-clearing noise. She wasn’t sure how robot throats worked. “I’ve been working on my new and improved Magic Missile for a while,” he announced. “Would you like to see it? I’m just kidding, that’s some level one shit!” He held out his blaster arm towards Taako, Magnus, and Merle and blasted a giant fireball at them. Carey winced. She was super glad she’d gotten out of the way of that one.

One of the robots put a hand on the robot Carey had attacked, and its metal turned into stone. Before she had an opportunity to figure out how to deal with that, Magnus had sprinted to Magic Brian and pulled his arm off. If Carey hadn’t been hiding, she would’ve shrieked in delight. Magnus then slammed the arm cannon into Brian’s chest and fired as Brian screamed and his robot stopped moving. A little white ball of fire popped out of his body’s fuse. “Well, damn it,” he said. “I had such big plans, I was—I mean that was very cool, you blew me up with a robot gun, but I had such big plans for the robot bodies that I found. I was going to return to my love and we were going to finish our wedding, but, uh...apparently...the best laid plans of mice and men and all that, yes? I am just going to, just, one second, this might get a little uncomfortable.” He flew over to the robot that wasn’t magically made of rocks and disappeared into it.

The spirit that was already in that body started squabbling with Magic Brian, and the other robot smacked Magnus. Merle raised a book in the air and shouted a prayer to Pan before running to hide behind Magnus. Carey ground her teeth. They didn’t have _time_ for this. She lunged for the one with two ghosts in it, slashing through wires that looked important. Both spirits screamed, and she retreated to the shadows as Taako pulled something out of his bag. He chucked a glass ball at the two remaining robots, and Carey was suddenly very glad she’d gotten out of the way because they were suddenly floating, gravity-less, through the air. He grinned. “Cool! Okay, I’m not confused anymore! Pretty much got it all figured out.”

“Like, life?” Magnus asked as Taako hid behind him.

The wiry two-soul robot pointed at Magnus, but apparently nothing happened, because Magnus just dashed forward and grabbed its outstretched arm, slamming it into the stony gorilla bot. Magic Brian and the other guy popped out of the wiry robot, zipping into the only remaining robot. Magnus tried to punch it, but his fist just clanked off its side. The robot swiped at him, and he dodged before slamming his axe into its face.

The fuse in the final robot’s chest exploded and all three souls tumbled out. Carey gripped her daggers, calculating their odds as they argued. “Merle,” she hissed, “can’t you, like, do some cleric stuff? Channel Divinity or banish them or something?” Magic was the only thing that was going to get rid of these fuckers for good, and while she had a few magical accessories, she didn’t have anything that could actively hurt a ghost.

Merle perked up. “Hm! Yes I can!” He lifted his soulwood arm into the air, and with a shout of praise to Pan, all three ghosts disintegrated.

Carey tucked her daggers away and threw a grin at Merle. “Wow, Merle, I didn’t know you had that in you! That was some savage shit!”

Merle glowed with pride, puffing out his chest. “I _did_ kill all three of them,” Magnus pointed out.

“Sure,” Carey said, shaking her head. “I mean I definitely loosened the lid of that there pickle jar, but let’s—you know what? Let’s just split the—we’ll split it four ways, we all did—oh, sorry, five ways Noelle, sorry.”

Noelle had been strangely quiet since they’d gotten to the lower levels. When they’d gone into the robot workshop, she’d quietly fussed around with some of the dormant robots until Merle gave her a pep talk, and now she was looking over the three empty, abandoned robot bodies lying on the floor of the tunnel. She wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes, turning away. “C’mon, guys,” she said quietly. “We gotta...we gotta move on, we’re almost there.”

Carey approached her gently, but Magnus beat her to it. “Noelle...I recognise now that you are a spirit, in a fuse, in a robot body, but I want you to know that I appreciate you as a member of this team, you’ve helped us a lot—”

“I can’t—” Noelle backed away from him. “I don’t—I don’t know what you—I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Magnus nodded sympathetically. “Okay, whenever you’re ready.”

“I mean, holistically speaking,” Taako piped up, “you’ve gone from being a sentient AI to a soul trapped in a machine...I think it’s a zero-sum game. You didn’t have any illusions about your own agency, right?”

She jerked back. “Is this, like, funny?” she spat. “Are you _joking_ about this?”

“What? No, I’m not joking.” Taako sounded sincere for once, which, to be fair, Carey had only known him for about twenty combined minutes. “I mean, you thought you were a robot before, right?” Noelle started shaking. “Oh no.”

“I—” Noelle wrapped her arms around herself. “I did—I did—I died.” Carey’s heart broke for her, and she reached out to put a comforting hand on her arm. Noelle either let her or didn’t notice. “Oh gods, I’m remembering now. I—my name is Noelle Redcheek. My family runs a cider press out in—out in Hogsbottom. I was ridin’ our donkey into town and I was makin’ a delivery to some dive bar, the...it was the Sleeping Giant. And it was in town, in Phandalin.” Taako, Magnus, and Merle all immediately looked extremely guilty, and given what Carey had heard from Killian about Phandalin’s fate, she could guess why. “And we heard screams from outside,” Noelle continued, “and there was this man, he came downstairs, he called himself—called himself Bluejeans. And he was—he was so kind, he told us to hide in the stockroom and he—he hid us and he fought off this dwarf that was on fire, and he got him out of the bar and we thought we were safe. And then the whole world got burned up.”

Merle whistled, shaking his head. “That sucks. That is bad news.”

“Yeah,” Taako agreed. “Whoo. Hate to hear that. I’m so sorry.”

“But what matters now is that you’re technically alive,” Magnus said.

“Well, no, not _technically_ ,” Merle started.

Magnus gestured to Noelle. “No, literally technically. You’re in a robot body, so you’re _technically_ alive.”

Noelle laughed, a bit choked, but Carey figured it counted. “I’m sorry, I just—sorry, I just remembered, I was in that back room and everything was getting burned up, and I remember my last thought was that the whole world was getting destroyed. And the fact that I’m here, and y’all are still here...I thought the world was ending, I thought my whole family was gone, but the world’s still here, right?” Her voice rang with hope. “It’s still here!”

Taako put his hands together in front of his face. “Let’s parse the question. Was your family _in_ Phandalin?”

She shook her head. “No, they’re out in Hogsbottom. Do y’all know what happened to Phandalin?”

They all looked at each other. Carey shrugged. They might as well tell her, at this point.

Taako spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully. “We are part of the people that try to keep things like what happened in Phandalin from happening.” Merle nodded. “We have a pretty good success rate, if you don’t count that one, which we can all agree was a world-class boner. Now, if you want to keep what happened to you from happening to other people, it is imperative that you aid us down here in completing our mission.”

Noelle twisted her hands around each other, but made unwavering eye contact with Taako. “You’re saying that this thing that’s turning this lab to crystal is trying to do to the world like what happened to Phandalin?”

Taako smiled at her. “You can save the world, Noelle.”

She looked around at all of them. Carey patted her arm. Magnus flashed a thumbs up. Merle grinned. Taako held out his hands, palms up. Noelle nodded once, decisively. “Okay. Alright then. Let’s fuck ’em up.”

Carey beamed as Noelle assembled herself a new body out of the three robots they’d just fought. Taako tossed her Magic Brian’s gun arm and she grabbed it, shoving it into place. When she was done, she still looked like just as much of a scrumbled-together robot as she had before, but now she looked like someone to be fucking _reckoned_ with. She turned to them with a smile on her metallic face. “Hero time,” she said.

~~~

“You know, I will say, if you wanted to lure me in there, you should’ve stayed handsome, my fella.”

Carey scowled at Taako. Fucking thirsty-ass elves. Now was _really_ not the time to be literally flirting with Death. Or Kravitz, as the case may be. What the hell did he mean they’d died a whole bunch of times? How was that possible? And Merle wasn’t exactly the tank that Magnus was, but fifty-seven times? What the fuck was going on anymore?

A silvery hand grabbed Kravitz and slammed him into the ground, and the whole lab started shaking as a deafening chime rang through the amethyst covering everything. “Lucas?” Magnus shouted. “What the fuck is this?”

Lucas was still cowering on the floor where Magnus had dropped him. “I don’t know!”

“You don’t know?!”

“No, I don’t know anything!” He was shaking now, arms over his head. Carey still couldn’t bring herself to feel sorry for him. “I’m sorry!”

A chorus of voices started emanating from the mirror, joined by another chorus from the robot of Lucas’s mother trapped in the stalactite.

_“Kept from our children, lovers, friends,_   
_Subject to laws we did not make,_   
_This is where separation ends_   
_And souls of the lost will come awake,_   
_Enter this crystal kingdom.”_

Carey didn’t have a chance to think much about it before the world exploded into chaos. The compact that Maureen Miller’s robot was holding shot a beam of white light into the mirror, and a thousand of the little white lights that made up people’s souls poured through it. They formed into a silvery goop that covered the whole mirror, and stepping out of it came a gigantic, ectoplasmic skeletal figure. “Thank you, Maureen,” it said, a cacophony of different voices all speaking in unison. “Your job is done.”

She couldn’t fight that. Oh gods, oh _fuck_ , Carey couldn’t fight that, and she was sure Merle’s Channel Divinity wouldn’t do jack shit against something so big. Unless they could figure something else out, they were screwed, the world was screwed, she’d never see Killian again, oh fuck—

Magnus had been trying to sneak around and smash the mirror, and the legion of ghosts turned and slammed its fists into the ground next to him. “You will join us one way or another!” it bellowed, and even more spirits came flying out of the mirror and darted into the fuses of abandoned robots. Sixteen robots marched forward, surrounding them.

Carey whirled and grabbed Noelle by the shoulders. “Let’s take care of the robots!” Robots she could work with; robots she could _do_. “You get the robots—you’re a robot, you should know how to fuck up robots—” Noelle was nodding, and Carey turned and pointed at the giant skeleton monster. “You boys, you take care of that big...what is...the big...I don’t even know what that thing is—”

“Yeah, no, I got it—I had you at big!” Magnus said.

“Right.” Carey turned to the robots and nodded at Noelle. “Hero time, right?” Launching off Noelle’s back, she sprang forward, a dagger in each hand, stabbing into the fuses housing the astral escapees. It was a move she’d used a thousand times with Killian, and as she spun to chuck a dagger at another one, she saw Noelle from the corner of her eye. She’d cocked her gun arm and was firing it at a few robots standing just a little too close together. They rattled under the heat and pressure of her flamethrower before bursting into flames and falling to pieces. Carey grinned and ran for another robot. For someone who’d never fought a day in her life, Noelle was fuckin’ _rad_.

The remaining robots fired on Taako before Carey could get to them, and she swore under her breath, bouncing off a robot and back towards Noelle. This would be a great time for some teamwork, and since Killian wasn’t available... “D’you trust me?” she asked.

Noelle nodded frantically. “Yeah, I mean I ain’t got a lot of choice but—”

“Cool!” Carey interrupted. “Swing me!”

Noelle’s eyes lit up, and she grabbed Carey by the ankles and swung her around in a circle. Carey held her knives out, slicing through bot after bot, until Noelle slowed down and set her gently on the ground. Carey staggered, grabbing onto Noelle to steady herself. She didn’t use that maneuver too often, since it left her dizzy, but when her head cleared she saw that they’d taken out all but three of the ghost robots. She twirled her daggers and beamed at Noelle. “You’re fuckin’ good, dude!”

Another horde of ghosts came flying through the mirror. Some attached themselves to Legion, while the others found fresh robot bodies and started clambering towards them. Noelle cocked her arm again and aimed, and behind them Carey heard Legion scream again. Looking back, she saw Merle with his wood arm in the air once more, and it was glowing, and his bible was glowing where it was tucked under his other arm, and the ghosts that made up the giant they were fighting had scattered. She stared, jaw slack. Holy shit. Killian hadn’t been joking about these guys kicking serious ass when they wanted to.

Someone screamed, and she winced as she realised that she’d totally forgotten about Lucas. The robots around them had shot at him, and he lay in a smoking heap on the floor. Carey cringed. He’d deserved a lot of the punishment he’d gotten tonight, but that seemed maybe a little excessive.

All the glass in the universe shattered, or at least that’s what it sounded like, and Carey clapped her hands over her ears, looking for the source of the noise. Taako had his umbrella pointed at the stalactite that held Maureen’s robot, and a crack splintered up it, sending it plummeting to the ground with a crash. Noelle backed up as the floor started to crystallize, and there, in the middle of the wreckage, stood the robot Lucas had created to house his mother’s soul. It jerked erratically, almost fighting with itself, before crouching down and curling into a ball. A dozen spirits came flying out, getting sucked into Legion almost immediately, and the robot stood up, pointing at it. “Get the hell away from my son!”

Dr. Maureen Miller held a stone in one hand and a disk in the other, and when she held the stone to her chest the spreading crystals were sucked back up into it. Carey’s eyes widened. The Philosopher’s Stone.

Magnus rushed over to her. “Maureen, give me the Stone.”

She balked. “What? Who are you?”

“I’m the guy who’s trying to stop all this.” He held out his hand. “Give me the Stone.”

“Self-centered, much?” Merle asked.

Maureen leaned away from him. “Are you gonna help undo this?”

Magnus nodded. “Yes.”

She looked between Magnus, the Stone, and Lucas, before nodding. “Catch.” She tossed the Philosopher’s Stone to Magnus.

Carey gripped her daggers tightly. The moment of truth. If Magnus so much as _looked_ like he was going to use the Stone, she had to take him out, which would suck because he seemed like a pretty cool guy—

Magnus ripped a piece of his nullsuit’s glove off and wrapped the Stone in it. Then he pulled out a fork, jabbed it into the ripped piece of glove, and shoved the whole thing in his mouth.

Carey’s jaw dropped. “Why the _fuck_ is your guys’ first reaction to rock based problems ?!” she yelled.

Magnus gave her a smile and a guilty shrug before charging the mirror and smashing it with his axe. A crack appeared in the sapphire that made up the disk, and it wobbled in the air slightly before crashing to the ground on top of Magnus. “I’m good!” he shouted.

A blast went streaking over Carey’s head. Right. The robots. Noelle reached out and grabbed a random robot, ripping it in half. Carey sprinted towards another one, sliding under it and slashing at it before grabbing it by the feet. She chucked it at another robot at the same time as Noelle threw the two halves of her robot into two more robots, and she somersaulted back towards Noelle. “By my count, that’s only twelve left,” Noelle said. “We can take—”

Legion howled, and as Carey turned to watch she saw Merle with his tree arm outstretched, covered in golden leaves, pointing at Legion. He shouted something about who shall or shall not pass, and with a final scream Legion was sucked through the crack in the mirror that Magnus had created.

The room was eerily silent. They’d done it. They’d _won_.

~~~

Carey threw down the helmet of her nullsuit as Killian charged towards them, holding her arms open. She laughed as Killian scooped her up in a hug and swung her around, squeezing her tight, and Carey squeezed her back. “You good?” Killian asked. Her voice was a little hoarse, like she’d been crying again.

She looped her arms around Killian’s neck. “Pshh, yeah!”

She was back on the base with her friends and the woman she loved, and they were safe. Carey had never felt better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Highlights from my planning document include "Boyland dies from venting cigarette smoke. It is very sad. You have to write emotional impact for this one don't gloss over it you coward" and "they win I guess"
> 
> Why am I like this


	12. The New Teammate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian takes a breather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Killian and I have the same rules regarding (Fantasy) Oreos.

“Okay, Noelle,” Killian said. “If you’re gonna be living with us, we’ve gotta establish some ground rules.”

Noelle nodded. “Sure.”

Killian put her hands on her hips and looked at her new roommate. They’d already shown Noelle around the rest of the Bureau’s moon base, and she’d done very well during her Trial of Initiation. She hadn’t needed to get inoculated, since the Director had figured out that the Voidfish’s effects didn’t work on undead creatures like ghosts anyway. But then they realised that Noelle didn’t have anywhere to stay. In lieu of finding an empty bunk that she wouldn’t even use, Carey had offered for her to live with them. “She’s going to be on our regulator squad anyway,” she’d said. “Besides, it’ll just be for a little while, right?” Killian was fully prepared for Noelle to wind up turning into a permanent roommate, like most supposedly temporary roommates of hers had over the years, but she hadn’t said that. Noelle was more than welcome to stay for however long she needed.

“Alright, so.” Killian held up a finger. “First thing’s first, the Fantasy Oreos are _mine_ , and anyone caught eating them is sleeping on the couch.”

“I don’t eat,” Noelle said.

Killian faltered. “Right.”

“I don’t sleep, either,” Noelle added. “So sleeping on the couch wouldn’t, um, wouldn’t be a big deal. Since, you know. I won’t be asleep anyway.”

“Yeah, right, okay.” Killian tapped her thumbs together and looked around, embarrassed. Noelle was a _ghost_ in a _robot body_ , which, while very cool, meant she’d be a very different sort of roommate. “But if I catch you giving someone _else_ access to them—”

“Right, of course.” Noelle nodded, but there was an amused lilt to her voice. “I have no idea how you keep Carey out of anything you don’t want her getting into, though. She _is_ a rogue, after all.”

Killian shrugged. “Eh, you know. Mostly by asking nicely.” Carey did stay out of Killian’s private stuff, and vice versa, but if they got into an argument (usually over something dumb, like groceries), Carey considered Killian’s cookies fair game. It was totally unfair, because Killian absolutely _could not_ get into Carey’s stuff in return. She didn’t have any kind of lock picking proficiency. They hadn’t gotten into anything bigger than a petty argument since the Gaia Sash incident, though, which was nice. Killian chalked it up to the fact that after that, they were both doing their best to talk and listen to each other about things that bothered them. There’d always be the little things, of course, but hey. They couldn’t have everything.

“Rule number two,” she said, holding up a second finger. “If you’ve got a problem with one of us, talk to us about it.”

Noelle didn’t have a real face, but Killian got the impression she was smiling. “I think I can handle that.”

~~~

“Boy, you were right about her picking up on stuff fast.”

They were on a date on the surface, shopping in Neverwinter’s main marketplace. Carey had said their branch of the thieves’ guild she was a part of always had the best discounts on lock picks, and while Fantasy Costco was fine in a pinch, Killian preferred to cut the middleman and get bolts for her crossbow direct from the smithy. Besides, that way they could make a day of it—get cleaned up after training, head to the surface, go shopping, have a nice meal and take a walk around the garden that Carey liked so much. Carey’s hand fit nicely into Killian’s as they wandered the shops, looking at weapons and jewelry and tiny cakes. It had been a while since they had a real, proper date with how busy the entire Bureau had been recently. It was nice.

“Who, Noelle?” Carey asked. “Yeah, she’s a peach, huh? Swears up and down she never had any combat training when she was, y’know, alive, but she’s got good instincts.”

Killian nodded absently, looking in a window at a belt pouch that she could tuck potions in. That might come in handy at some point. “Boyland would’ve loved her,” she said.

Carey tensed next to her, but a second later it was gone. “He would’ve tried to get her to light his cigars with her flamethrower arm.”

It had been a couple of weeks since Boyland died, and things were still a little raw. Killian dealt with her grief by throwing herself into her training, and Carey by pickpocketing everybody she could at every chance she got. Things were starting to get a little better, though. They could make jokes about him without crying, at least. Killian figured she wouldn’t completely be over it until the Director finally held his Rites of Remembrance, but she didn’t begrudge her for putting it off. It would make the fact that he was gone all too real.

“Oh, by the way.” Carey bounced a little beside her. “Did I tell you Magnus asked me to train him?”

Killian looked down at her, eyebrows raised. “He did? When?”

“Just yesterday. Remember he came by when we were training? He wants to learn about, like, rogue stuff.” She sounded proud. “You know, thieves’ cant and lock picking and, like, general roguery. I’ve never had a protégé before. I should open a school.”

Killian cracked a smile. “Carey Fangbattle’s School of General Roguery?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’ll call it. And you can only get to it by stealing a map off of someone. Gotta prove your worth and shit, you know.” She was grinning full-force now, and Killian couldn’t help but smile back. Carey was so pretty when she smiled. All the time, really, but especially when she was smiling and excited.

“Kills?” Carey snapped her fingers in front of Killian’s face. “You’re making that dopey face again.”

She wrapped her arm around Carey’s shoulders and squeezed her tight to her side. “I love you.”

Carey laughed and swung herself up into Killian’s arms for a proper hug. “I love you too, you big goofus.”

~~~

Noelle wasn’t there when they got back. Carey flopped down on the couch, staring at the ceiling. “Let me just make sure I’ve got the timeframe right,” she said as Killian went to store her new bolts and potion pouch. “It’s three weeks to your birthday, right?”

Killian groaned loud enough that Carey could hear her from the other room. “I told you, you don’t have to make a big deal—”

“I’m not making a big deal!” Carey protested. She’d rolled onto her stomach when Killian came back into the living area, elbows propped up on the arm of the couch. “But you’re my _girlfriend_ , and it’s your first birthday since we started dating, and I wanna get you a present! Sue me!”

Killian leaned down and kissed her. “Just as long as you don’t go making too big a thing out of it.”

Carey smiled. “Don’t worry, I won’t.” She winked. “But I think you’ll like what I _do_ have planned. You’ll see. Trust me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People I would stand against the apocalypse for: Noelle "N0-3LL3" Redcheek


	13. The Ruff Boi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carey takes on a protégé.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carey and Magnus's relationship is so important to me you guys. Like. Almost as much as Carey and Killian's. I'm love them. They're peak straight man/lesbian solidarity.

This was the absolute worst carved wooden duck that had ever existed. Carey scowled at it and tossed it down on the work table. “Hey, be nice,” Magnus said, picking it up and dusting it off where it had landed in sawdust. “It’s not so bad for your...what, eighteenth try?”

Carey threw her hands in the air in exasperation. “I wasn’t built to be a carpenter, Magnus! There’s less than a week now until Killian’s birthday, and I still can’t get the basic head shape right!” She leaned back in her chair, arms folded, and maybe she was pouting, just a little. She was just so _steamed_. This was a present for Killian, her _girlfriend_! It had to be perfect.

“Hey.” Magnus came around from the other side of the table to put his hands on her shoulders and look seriously into her eyes. “You didn’t give up on me when I couldn’t get that one dodge maneuver right, so I’m not giving up on you!”

She patted his arm. “That’s sweet, Mag, but I’m a lost cause.” She gestured to the small army of misshapen wooden ducks she’d accumulated over the last week since they started their agreement. Some of them had heads, which was nice. Most of them didn’t have wings, and the ones that did didn’t have feet. One had two butts instead of a face. All of them were _awful_. She wanted to blame it on the fact that big dragonborn claws made holding the tools difficult, but she knew better than to blame her tools. Besides, she could hold lock picks just fine. “Just...I’ll keep practicing, if you want me to, but I don’t want to give Killian a shitty gift.”

“I’m sure she’d appreciate it more if you made it.”

“And I’m sure she’d appreciate it more if it looked like a duck instead of a vaguely duck-shaped abomination from hell.”

Magnus sighed, big and dramatic in a way that let her know he wasn’t really disappointed. “Well, I _guess_. If you _really_ want a _master carpenter_ to show you how it’s done.”

She launched herself at him, tackling him to the floor to wrestle. “Don’t forget who’s schooling who here, beef boy!”

~~~

Magnus giggled as she traced his palm. “That tickles.”

Carey smacked his wrist. “Focus, rookie.” She traced the symbol again, harder this time. “That’s the symbol for ‘wait for signal.’”

Magnus sucked a breath through his teeth. “I’m not great at waiting.”

“Yeah, I know, which is why I’m teaching you that one first.” Carey traced it again. She was glad they’d chosen to sit on the floor for this lesson—this was clearly going to take a while. “Thieves’ cant is tricky,” she said, continuing to trace ‘wait for signal’ into the palm of Magnus’s hand. “If I were to use it to tell you ‘wait for the signal’ out loud, it’d take twice as long as just saying, you know, ‘hey dummy, go to the second window and wait for Jerry to make the rooster noise before rushing in.’ I’d have to pull some bullshit like ‘when the cock crows at—’ stop laughing— ‘when the cock crows at midnight, seek the second portal and let fly.’”

“That’s...a lot of bullshit,” Magnus said.

“Sure is. But it keeps people from figuring out our plans until too late. Unfortunately, like I said, it takes twice as long to have a conversation in thieves’ cant. So the thieves’ guild came up with these symbols. You can write them down and send them like a letter, but most people use them for transmitting secret messages in, like, crowds and stuff.” She released his hand and held out her own. “Now you try.”

He looked worried. “Won’t they be mad you taught someone outside the guild their secret language?”

“Nah.” Carey shrugged. “So long as you don’t go teaching it to the militia or whoever. Besides, if you meet up with any other rogues out in the field, it’s useful to know.” Magnus traced the symbol into her hand, and she nodded. “Do it a few times for practice.” He repeated the motion, staring at her hand. “Now do it without looking.”

Magnus looked off to the side, tracing ‘wait for signal’ into her hand repeatedly. “So how long have you and Killian, you know. Been a thing?” he asked.

She blinked, a little taken aback. She hadn’t expected him to ask about that, of all things. “Uh, it’s been...hang on.” She counted back on the fingers of her other hand. “Holy shit, I think we’ve been dating for nearly a year now.” Their anniversary was coming up. Carey had been so stressed about Killian’s birthday duck that she’d totally forgotten.

“Wow.” Magnus’s eyes were bright. “You guys are so, like, all over each other? Like in a good way. You always know what each other needs and stuff, but you’re comfortable enough to do your own shit without clinging to each other for everything. I thought for sure you’d been married for a while already.”

Carey choked, snatching her hands back from Magnus to hold anxiously in front of her instead. “What? No! I mean—well, we’re close and all, but—no! We haven’t even talked about—that. Yet. You know.” Carey had _thought_ about it, for sure. She’d spent a shameful amount of surface shopping trips peeking into bridal shops and wondering what kind of outfit Killian would wear. But how could she not? She loved Killian so much, more than anything else in her life. She definitely wasn’t _against_ being married. It was just that she didn’t know how to bring it up. And when all was said and done, a marriage certificate was just a piece of paper. She didn’t need a paper and a big ceremony and a pretty dress to know she was going to spend the rest of her life with Killian.

Although the thought of calling her ‘my wife’ sent warm electricity through her veins.

“You know, there’s no guarantees in our line of work,” Magnus said.

She snorted. “You’ve been a rogue for all of ten minutes, homie.”

“No, seriously.” He got like this sometimes. As much of a ridiculous goofball as he could be, when Magnus wanted to get serious he was very capable at it. “If you want to marry Killian, you should do it. I mean, talk to her about it first, you know—a proposal should be a surprise, an engagement shouldn’t and all that. But you guys have something special. When all’s said and done, don’t you want to be able to say you married the woman you love?”

Carey looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. She _did_. But asking someone to marry you was scary, even for a woman who regularly fought weird shit like ghosts and extraplanar crystal monsters. What if she said no? What if she said _yes_?

She cleared her throat. “I thought I was teaching you thieves’ cant, not listening to advice on my love life. Give me your hand. Now this here is the symbol for ‘confirm.’”

~~~

She squeezed him tight in a hug, arms wrapped around his middle as tight as she could get. “Magnus, I’ve actually had a pretty great time hanging out these past couple weeks.” His huge arms encircled her as he hugged her back, and she had to struggle to get out of them. “I wanted to give you something.” Carey dug out her old thieves’ tools and handed him the kit. “I can show you how to use them,” she said as he opened them up and started excitedly looking through the tools. “But, um, I bought those when I decided to become a thief. And I’ve gotten a way better set now, but, um, I want you to have ’em.”

Magnus beamed and pulled her into another hug, swinging her around and thanking her over and over. “I have something for you, too, Carey,” he said when he finally put her down.

Carey gave him a confused smile. “Another—a second duck?”

“Well—well, hold on.” He dug in his pocket and produced a large ring. Carey’s breath caught in her throat. It was beautiful. Simple, carved out of a dark wood with a shiny lacquered finish. There was a wooden rose on top, carved in intricate detail. And it was definitely too big for her. She looked up at him, confused, as he took her hand and placed the ring gently into it. “I made you this. I had to guess at the size, but I think this would fit Killian.” Sparks ran down Carey’s spine, and she stared at the ring in her hand. A ring. For Killian. “If you’d like to put it in the box, for her,” he added, nodding towards the duck-shaped puzzle box he’d made her, “it’s completely up to you. I won’t say a word.” He traced the thieves’ cant symbol for ‘secret’ into her shoulder with a finger, grinning.

She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat and clutched the ring to her chest. “That’s a real sweet thought, Mag.” She held out the hand not holding the ring. “Hey. High five me right now.”

Magnus laughed and slapped her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: when I was first listening to Balance, I got to the part where Magnus tells Carey he's made her a ring to give Killian and immediately texted my friend who'd gotten me into TAZ like "Harold????" and had her confirm they were, in fact, canon lesbians. I was very happy.


	14. The Chug 'n Squeeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian celebrates her one-year anniversary with Carey at the Bureau's newest establishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3c

Noelle looked up from the repairs she was doing to her gun arm in the middle of the living room floor. “Where y’all off to tonight?”

Carey elbowed Killian. “I don’t know. This one won’t tell me.”

“I told you, it’s a surprise,” Killian protested. “It’s our anniversary. Let me surprise you.”

Carey gave a big, melodramatic sigh. “I _guess_. If I _have_ to.”

“Well, whatever it is, have fun,” Noelle said, a smile in her voice. “I won’t wait up for you. I mean, I don’t sleep, so I guess I will, but—have fun!” She waved as they headed out the door.

“She’s sweet,” Killian said, taking Carey’s hand.

“Mmhm.” Carey wasn’t looking at Killian, instead eyeing their surroundings, no doubt trying to guess where they were going. “Did you solve the puzzle box yet?”

Killian sighed. Carey had been cagey and jumpy lately, changing subjects in conversation almost rapid-fire. According to everyone Killian asked about it, she wasn’t doing it with anyone else, just Killian. That meant either nobody else had noticed (unlikely) or Carey was hiding something from Killian. She didn’t want to pry, especially given how she’d acted when she was trying to figure out whether to ask Carey to move in together. And Carey was entitled to her secrets. Killian had things she’d never told Carey about either, things about her childhood and how she became friends with Brad and things she wished she could tell the Voidfish to have them erased from the world. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that whatever was going on with Carey, it involved her. She didn’t want Carey to be angry with her again, though they’d both gotten a lot better about that. But she didn’t want to pressure her, either. Relationships were complicated.

“No, but I’ve been trying,” she said in response to Carey’s question. “Trust me, when I solve it, you’ll be the first to know.”

Carey swung their hands back and forth. “Hell yeah, I can’t wait. So where are we going?”

“I _told_ you! It’s a surprise!” It wasn’t far now. The Chug ’n Squeeze, the new wine and pottery place that had just opened on the Bureau’s moon base, sat just across the quad. “So, um,” she said. “You know that one place that’s really hard to get reservations for—”

Carey shrieked, yanking her hand from Killian’s to clap it to her face. “Are we going to the Chug ’n Squeeze?! Kills, holy _shit_!” She launched herself at Killian in a hug. “Best anniversary _ever_!”

Killian grinned, squeezing her back. “I take it you like it?”

“I fucking _love_ it! I’ve been dying to come here since it opened!” Killian set her on the ground and she immediately started bouncing on her toes. “So what’re we doing? Is it Pinot and Bowl night, or Merlot and Pots night, or—”

“Cab and Vase,” Killian said, holding the door open for her. She was glad she’d made a good choice. She hadn’t seen Carey this excited over something in a while. “Apparently it’s a popular couple’s night thing.”

Carey bounced into the room, eyes bright. The Chug ’n Squeeze wasn’t a huge place, but it was busy. Killian recognised most of the people there—she didn’t know them personally, but they were all technically coworkers. She did see Taako chilling by himself with a bottle of wine and a lump of clay, but apparently he hadn’t noticed them come in. Killian decided not to bother him. It was their anniversary, not his, and he seemed like he was doing just fine.

A host led them over to a pair of pottery wheels, then a server came over with a bottle of Cabernet and some wet clay. She showed them a few basic pottery techniques, and Carey was absolutely glued. Killian kept finding herself staring adoringly at Carey instead of paying attention to the instructions. She sat up straighter and forced herself to pay attention. She wanted a nice vase out of this, dammit.

“This is seriously the best,” Carey said, already playing around with the shape of her vase. She grinned at Killian. “Fancy dates are nice and all, but sometimes it’s just nice to get down and dirty and maybe a little drunk, you know?”

She laughed. “For sure. I’m glad you like it. Sorry to keep you in the dark for so long, but I really wanted it to be a surprise.”

Carey waved her off. “All is _absolutely_ forgiven. This is gonna be so great.” She smiled up at Killian. “Seriously, thank you. This is...it’s just the cherry on top of a great year.”

Killian leaned over their wheels and kissed the end of her snout. “I love you, Carey.”

Her eyes closed. “I love you too, Killian.”

Killian sat down and started fussing with her vase-to-be. Pottery couldn’t be that hard, right?

“Holy _shit_.” Carey's eyes were wide, and she was looking at something over Killian’s shoulder. “He actually did it.”

Killian turned to see what she was looking at. She saw Pebbles and Bartholo off in one corner, and Carey’s friends Anka and Kate somewhere else, but Carey’s words didn’t click until she saw that Taako had been joined by someone. A tall, dark, and handsome someone. She turned back to Carey and raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Carey shook her head, still grinning. “I’m gonna roast his ass for this later. It, um, it really only makes sense if you were there, but long story short: Taako is a thirsty bitch.”

“Oh, is that all.” Killian downed half a glass of wine in one go. “So nothing we didn’t already know.” Carey kicked her under the table. “Ow! You said it first!”

They worked on their vases in comfortable silence for a while. Killian’s was starting to turn out fairly well. It wasn’t a very interestingly shaped vase, but it would at least hold flowers. Carey had finished with the basic shape and was starting to carve designs into the side with her claws. She pressed the back of her hand gently into the side, leaving an imprint of her scales. It looked very cool.

“Can I ask something?” Killian asked. Carey looked up from her carvings. “Just...you’ve seemed kinda distant, lately.” She held up her hands as Carey started to open her mouth. “I mean I’m not upset or anything, I just...wondered why? Is something bothering you?”

“No, it’s fine.” Carey leaned back in her seat and grabbed her wine glass. “Honestly, I’m not meaning to be. I’ve just...had a lot to think about, lately.”

It was a deflective answer and Killian knew it. She didn’t want to bring this up on their anniversary of all days, but... “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” she said. “You’re not alone in this. We’ve been dating for a year now, we’ve known each other for longer than that, I just...if anything’s going on, I’ll be there for you. I promise. Okay?”

Carey smiled, and maybe it was a little tight around the edges, but she came around their wheels to kiss Killian on the cheek. “Okay. But I promise it’s nothing you need to worry about. I’m just...figuring something out. When I’m ready to tell you about it, I will. I love you.”

Killian leaned into her. “I love you too.” A thought suddenly occurred to her. “It’s not about Noelle, is it? Baby I swear I’m only spending so much time with her because of training, it’s not—”

Carey laughed, and Killian felt both very silly and a little bit better. “Gods no! Kills, I’m not—I’m not _jealous_ of you and Noelle! Fuck, I’m the one who brought her on in the first place!” She hugged Killian around the shoulders, keeping her hands off so she wouldn’t smear clay all over her. “No. Don’t worry about it. Let’s just make our vases and get drunk as fuck. How’s that sound?”

Killian pecked her on the mouth. “Fantastic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:3c
> 
> Hello I'm Ed and my hobbies include making fun of Taako's Extreme Thirst For Kravitz


	15. The Suffering Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carey loses a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hey Ed why is this chapter called The Suffering Game?"  
> "Oh don't worry about that, Dad"

“Hey, have you ever thought about getting married?”

Carey had been half asleep, but suddenly she was wide awake. “Not really,” she said, trying to sound casual. “Why?”

Killian rolled over and wrapped an arm around Carey’s waist. “No real reason,” she said. “Just thinking out loud.”

She swallowed. “Do you—would you ever want to? Just, like, in general. You know.”

“Yeah, I know.” Killian didn’t say anything for a minute, and Carey thought she’d fallen asleep until she suddenly spoke up again. “I mean, when it comes right down to it, the main benefit is for taxes.”

Carey snorted. “Romantic, babe.”

“I mean, tell me I’m wrong!” Killian laughed. “But I don’t know. It’s a nice thought, pledging your love and your life to someone else and having them do the same to you. And having all your friends and family there and supporting you and stuff.”

“You just want the free stuff.”

“Well yeah there’s the free stuff,” Killian admitted. “What about you? Would you ever want to get married?”

Carey thought about the ring Magnus had made her, that she’d chickened out and not put in the puzzle box at the last minute. Killian had been delighted when she solved it anyway, because they’d bribed Taako into enchanting it so it quacked when it was solved, and she’d come running into the living room holding a quacking box and shrieking like a kid at Candlenights. The ring was currently sitting wrapped in her thieves’ tools. She was just waiting for the right time.

“Yeah,” she said. “I think I would.”

~~~

Carey hated keeping secrets from Killian. She hated it more than scale rot, more than having to listen to Jeremy’s stupid lute practise growing up, more than getting stiffed on a job. She loved Killian with everything she was and she wanted nothing more than to just tell her why she’d been keeping things to herself lately. But she couldn’t. She had to wait just a _little_ while longer. Surely Killian would understand once Carey finally proposed, right?

Everything had to be perfect, though. Carey had run through every way to propose that she could think of, and none of them were exactly right. She was sure Killian would say yes. That wasn’t the issue. They were in love and they were going to be together forever no matter what. But did she go traditional, taking her out on a nice date and getting down on one knee in the middle of dinner so they’d get free dessert? Or should she just ask her casually while they were on the couch, or cooking dinner together, or after training? Maybe she could leave the ring out somewhere for Killian to find, and pop the question when Killian asked about it. Every option she came up with felt wrong and she couldn’t decide. Proposing was _hard_.

The trouble was that Killian was starting to catch on that something was wrong. She kept asking if everything was okay. She told Carey she seemed distant. She reminded her that she was always there for her to talk to. Carey wished she could just get her act in gear and get on with the whole thing, but she had to do it right. Killian had taken all the big steps so far—she’d been the one to ask Carey out in the first place, she’d brought up moving in together, hell, she’d even brought up marriage before Carey did. Carey was going to take this step herself if it killed her.

So she did what she always did when she was faced with a big dumb problem that she couldn’t talk to Killian about.

She went looking for Magnus.

~~~

He was _lurking_. Carey frowned. Magnus didn’t _lurk_ , even after their training together. He was clearly trying not to get noticed, moving from hiding spot to hiding spot down the hall and keeping an eye over his shoulder.

This was ridiculous. There was nothing here for him to hide from, and he wasn’t doing a very good job of it anyway. Carey popped up behind him and said “Boo.”

Magnus had his axe out before she could react, eyes wide and scared. She held up her hands. She’d never seen him like this before. “Hey, cool it there, bud. It’s me.”

“Gods, Carey, don’t _do_ that!” He tucked the axe away, shaking his head. “I could’ve killed you!”

“But’cha didn’t.” Carey crossed her arms. “Are you good, dude? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”

“No, I’m fine, I just.” He cleared his throat. “I have to, um, go. Can whatever this is about wait?”

She squirmed. “I mean, it’s kind of important, but I guess—what’s going on?”

Magnus smiled and gave her a thumbs up. “Reclaimer mission. The last one. Taako and Merle are waiting for me at the hangar.”

The last one? Carey mentally tallied up the Relics in her head. Maybe she’d missed one? “Oh. Wow, that’s...that’s pretty big. Yeah, my thing can wait.” It was fine. She could wait until after this. She’d waited this long, after all. What was another day? “Good luck down there. Don’t forget what you learned in training, right? Try not to rush in too much.”

“I make no promises!” Magnus said as he headed off down the hall.

~~~

Carey screamed with delight as Noelle hurled her through the air, sending her crashing into a training dummy. She popped up and stabbed another one into oblivion before running off and launching herself off Killian’s back to smash into another dummy. Being a rogue, her thing was mostly skulking around in the shadows and not being noticed. But sometimes, during training where it didn’t matter if the dummies noticed her or not (they were _dummies_ ), it was fun to cut loose and show off her proficiency in acrobatics.

Especially on days like today, when she rolled to a stop in front of Killian after taking out all the dummies and Killian leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Babe,” she said, “that was so _fucking_ hot.”

Noelle laughed as Carey picked herself up. “Y’all sure know what you’re doing, that’s for sure.”

“You did great too, Noelle,” Killian assured her. “Just, you’re not my girlfriend, so I can’t call you hot.”

“I mean that’s fair.”

The Director’s voice echoed across the training room. “Would regulators Crushbone, Fangbattle, and Redcheek please report to the Director’s office immediately. That’s regulators Crushbone, Fangbattle, and Redcheek to the Director’s office. Thank you.”

Carey frowned. The Director sounded slightly on edge. That was never a good sign.

“Urgh.” Killian stretched her arms over her head until her back cracked. “That can’t be good.”

“Wait.” Noelle’s hand covered the lower part of her face. “Didn’t the reclaimers go on a mission yesterday? Have they come back from that yet?”

Carey’s heart dropped into her stomach. “I’m sure it’s not that.” It wouldn’t be. It couldn’t be.

Right?

~~~

“I have dire news,” the Director said when they got there. No hello, no greeting of any kind. The sick feeling in Carey’s gut only got worse. “As you might know, yesterday I sent our three reclaimers on a mission—their final mission. For the last Grand Relic.” Her face was stony, but her eyes were those of a broken woman. Carey couldn’t look at them. “We haven’t had any contact with them since.”

Killian gripped Carey’s shoulder. “It’s—maybe they just can’t get in contact.”

The Director nodded. “It’s possible. Given where they were sent…” She trailed off, gripping her staff so hard her knuckles went white. Next to her, Davenport put his hand on her hip comfortingly. “I wouldn’t rule that out. But that’s why I need you to go in and check the situation out. I fear the worst has happened, and either they’ve all been killed or—” She paused, swallowing. Carey had never seen her looking so nervous and upset. “Or one or all of them have fallen to the Relic’s thrall. If that’s the case, then—” She stopped again, looking at the ground. She didn’t finish the sentence.

“Madame Director,” Carey started, “you can’t—it’s Taako, Magnus, and Merle. It’s the _boys_. You can’t expect us to just—”

“I can expect you to do your jobs,” she interrupted, a cold edge to her voice. Then she closed her eyes and sighed. “I swear to you, I hate this whole situation just as much as you do. More, even. I—they—but we _have_ to know what happened to them. I pray that it’s nothing. That they just haven’t been able to reach us from inside Wonderland. I would give _anything_ for that to be the case. But we _have_ to know. This is the last Grand Relic out in the world. If it disappears, that’s the ball game. Everyone loses. We can’t let that happen.”

Carey looked between Killian and Noelle. Killian was gripping her shoulder for dear life, staring straight ahead. Noelle was wringing her hands and looking to the two of them for instruction.

She took a deep breath. “Brief us. We’ll do what we can.”

~~~

When they wanted to, all three of them could be ready to go and in the hangar in minutes. Noelle didn’t need much preparation; she mostly had everything she needed on her at all times anyway. Killian kept her crossbow well maintained at all times, and all she needed to do was grab it, her bolts, and her pouches, and go. Carey was a rogue. She was well versed in speedy last-minute preparations and being ready for a job at a moment’s notice. Generally speaking, when they got missions it took longer for them to get fired out of the cannon than it did to actually prepare.

They didn’t talk about or plan it, but all three of them dragged their feet to get ready for this one. Noelle did a careful check of all her parts. Killian insisted on counting every single one of her bolts. Carey said she’d ‘forgotten’ to sharpen her daggers.

She felt sick. This was the nightmare scenario. This had to be how Killian had felt the first time Carey had gone on a mission by herself and she didn’t know if she’d have to go hunt her down. Magnus was her best friend. How could this have happened? She’d only just talked to Magnus yesterday, right before he left. He’d seemed a little weird and jumpy then, but surely he’d just been nervous about the mission. Gods, she wished she could’ve had a real conversation with him. Everything was wrong and she hated it.

Avi was waiting for them when they finally got to the hangar. “Oh hey,” he said. “So, um, you guys. You’ve got a mission, huh? Wow, crazy. Why don’t you tell me every single detail about it before I get the cannon ready?”

Killian folded her arms. “So you know what’s up, then.”

He visibly deflated. “Yeah, the Director told me when she gave me the coordinates. I just—I can’t believe they’d go rogue! It’s _them_ , you know?”

“They haven’t,” Carey said coldly. “Magnus wouldn’t—none of them would!”

Avi shrugged uncomfortably. “I don’t want to think about it. They’re just—you know!”

There was a long, somber silence. None of them wanted to think about it. Nobody wanted to believe it could happen to Taako, Magnus, or Merle, of all people. They’d brought back all the other Grand Relics so far! There had been no reason to think they wouldn’t bring back this final one, too. But as time stretched on, it was looking increasingly unlikely.

Carey’s claws dug into her arms. Only a day ago she’d been excited and anxious about proposing to Killian. All she’d wanted to do was talk about it with her best friend, to make sure he’d be there afterwards to cheer for her. Now she was facing the very real possibility that she was going to have to kill him. Carey prided herself on her professionalism, but even she was shaking. She desperately hoped no one else noticed.

“Is the cannon ready to go?” Killian asked. She had that stubborn set to her jaw that meant she was going to do what she had to, even if she didn’t want to. Every muscle that Carey could see was tensed right up. At least she wasn’t the only one going through this.

“Um! Funny thing!” Avi gave a high, strangled laugh. “They’re all! In for repairs! Crazy how that works! Yep, looks like you’ll just have to—”

“Avi.” Killian fixed him with a hard look. “I hate this. But there’s no point in stalling. The Director is right. Every minute we stall up here is a minute that we don’t know what happened to the Animus Bell. We can’t afford any more of this.”

“Big talk for someone who kept ‘accidentally’ losing count of her bolts earlier,” Carey muttered under her breath. Killian elbowed her.

“I—” Avi sighed, seeming to curl in on himself. “I know. Can’t blame a guy for trying, though, right? Let me—”

He was interrupted by a loud beep from the hangar’s control panel. All four of them raced to it, Avi skidding to a stop in front of it first. He frowned. “That’s weird.”

“What?” Carey asked, trying to look over his shoulder.

Avi pointed at the map of Faerun displayed on the controls. A small area was lit up, near a mountainside. “I dropped them off in the Felicity Wilds. This is nowhere near there.”

“Is it somebody else?” Noelle asked.

He shook his head. “No, it wouldn’t be. Everybody else is accounted for on the base.”

Killian slapped him on the back. “Who cares? They probably had to travel around some to get the Relic. Get them a damn cannonball already!”

Avi rushed off to load the cannon and Carey released some of the tension from her shoulders. They were coming back. They’d gotten the Animus Bell, and they were on their way home with it.

They’d won.

Things could go back to normal.

~~~

“It takes a while, Carey, you know that.”

She couldn’t stop pacing. Every fiber of her being was buzzing with anxiety. “I _know_ , Kills, I just—”

Killian grabbed her wrist and yanked her into her lap. “Sit _down_ for a minute and a half. It won’t kill you.”

“D’you want me to synthesize some calming medicine?” Noelle offered. “I mean it’s—it’s basically just a glorified tranq but well—you can’t stress if you’re unconscious, right?”

Carey sighed and leaned back into Killian’s hold. “No, it’s fine. Thanks, guys. I’m just—I was so worried, you know? I had to get out of there before I exploded or something. I’ve never been great at waiting for stuff. Comes with being a rogue, I guess.”

Killian rocked them side to side. “You, Carey Fangbattle, are one of the least patient people I’ve ever met. And I know Magnus Burnsides.”

“She’s right,” Noelle added, nodding.

Carey opened her mouth to retort (they were right, but _still_ ) when she heard Avi shouting from the hangar. “Guys, they’re back! They’re back!” She wrenched herself out of Killian’s arms and scrambled to her feet. She was going to hug Magnus and then kick him in the balls for making her worry about him, the bastard. And there they were—Taako and Merle and some kind of wooden mannequin and—

She stopped in front of them. “Where’s Magnus?”

Taako and Merle looked at each other awkwardly. Merle looked at the mannequin. Taako cleared his throat. “He didn’t...he didn’t…”

“He didn’t make it,” Merle said.

The world stopped. Carey stared between Merle and Taako as they choked out the news, talked about Magnus’s heroic sacrifice. Her ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton. Everything was filtered through the awful, _awful_ news that Magnus was—he—

The world was blurred by her tears and she dropped to her knees, face in her hands as she sobbed. There were arms around her and she didn’t know who they belonged to, and she didn’t care, Magnus was _dead_ , he was _gone_ , she would never see him again. Gods, what were her last words to him? She couldn’t even remember. Magnus was gone. He’d died fighting liches in some—some stupid hellscape nightmare game. He’d probably been trying to rush in and protect people again, like she’d told him not to, like he’d asked her to help him unlearn, and it had been the last time and now he was—he was _dead_.

“Shh, shhhh.” Someone lifted her—Killian? Noelle? She didn’t know—and carried her away. Carey clung to them as fat tears rolled down her face. “I’m so sorry, Carey. I’m so sorry.”

When she could think again, she was on her bed. Killian sat on one side of her, Noelle on the other, and they both had their arms around her. She sniffled and wiped her face. “’M sorry,” she mumbled.

“What for?” Noelle asked. “There’s no shame in crying.”

Killian kissed her temple. “You were there for me after Boyland. I love you, Carey. The least I can do is be here for you now.”

Carey’s eyes stung. “I—I think I’m out of tears.”

“I’ll get you some water,” Noelle said kindly, unwrapping herself from Carey and standing up. “It’s—it’s not so bad. Being dead, I mean. And Magnus’ll be waiting for you on the other side, and you can kick him in the balls when you get there, too.”

Carey gave a watery laugh. “I’m gonna—I’m gonna hold you to that.”

Noelle squeezed her shoulder and left for the kitchen. Killian rocked Carey gently. Carey dried her face on Killian’s tunic. Neither of them said anything for a long time. What could they say? What was there to say?

“We’re gonna have a big celebration for Magnus,” Killian finally said. “Gonna put Boyland’s to shame. It’s gonna be such a fuckin’ bash that he’s gonna see it from the goddamn astral plane.” She kissed the top of Carey’s snout. “But right now, it’s gonna hurt, but we’re going to keep going and move forward, because that’s what Magnus would do.”

She shook her head. “I—I’m not sure it’s that—that simple.”

Killian squeezed her tight again. “I know. But it’s all I have.”

“Guys?” Noelle stuck her head back into the room. “We’ve got a problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Highlights from my notes include "TBH leave for Wonderland. Carey decides to wait until they're back so she can tell Magnus. (haha ouch)" and "This kills the dragonborn"
> 
> tbh being as Lawful Good as Lucretia and Killian kinda sucks a lot sometimes because Ouch


	16. The Hunger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian faces the end of the world.

Killian hated firing her crossbow blind, but she didn’t have many other options. Sometimes she would see a bolt hit _something_ , though she couldn’t see what it was. It would just stick into something midair and then fall, like whatever she’d hit had toppled over dead. Mostly, though, she just fired at wherever Noelle pointed. None of them knew what was going on, but for some reason Noelle could at least see what was happening. “There’s all these—I don’t know what they are,” she’d said. “It’s like living shadows almost, but they’re solid and there’s ribbons of colour in them. I’ve never seen something like this before.”

Whatever they were, they were tearing through the base. Bureau members were running amok haphazardly, boarding themselves up in whatever shelter they could find. Killian couldn’t find it in herself to blame them or call them cowards. Fighting an overwhelming enemy that you couldn’t even see was a nightmare brought to life. But she had something to do. “We have to get to the Director,” she called to the other two. “We’ve gotta make sure she’s safe.” She might know what was happening, too. Carey nodded and flipped to her side.

The Director’s office wasn’t far now. Noelle gasped when her office door came into view. “There are _so_ many enemies heading there. Carey!”

Carey nodded as Noelle grabbed her. “Fastball me, baby!” Noelle chucked her through the air and she landed on something, turning as she did and chucking two daggers. Only one found its mark, but it was better than nothing. She bounced back towards the door as Killian caught up with her. “We can’t let whatever these things are get in here,” she said.

Killian nodded and loaded her crossbow. “Agreed. Noelle, tell us when they’ve thinned out so we can get in there and board up the doors.”

“You got it,” Noelle said. She pointed at something a few feet away. “Shoot there!” She fired her arm cannon at something else, and Killian shot her crossbow.

They made fairly good progress, according to Noelle. Killian felt so _useless_. She and Carey were definitely losing ground. They pressed back to back, which was how she knew they were fucked. They fought together all the time, but rarely did they fight like this. Killian took the big hits and defended with her crossbow while Carey zipped in and out, disorienting the enemy long enough to plant a dagger in their back. They never fought side by side like this. It might as well have been a sign of the end times.

Well. It kind of was.

Killian fired a bolt, but whatever she hit didn’t go down right away. She raised her crossbow to block it, but it was knocked out of the way and she screamed as something slashed at her arm. She went down like a sack of bricks, clutching her arm as blood soaked her sleeve. It was a deep cut, and it hurt like hell. Carey yelled, and she looked up, her heart frozen for a moment. No, not Carey, not her too, please no—

But Carey wasn’t hurt, she was just _livid_. Her pupils narrowed to slits, and blue electric energy crackled around her mouth. The frill around her neck lifted and flared out as she screamed, and what looked almost like blue fire poured from her mouth in a circle around them. Killian could see shapes in the flames, twisted humanoids and bizarre shapeless creatures and all kinds of nightmare monsters, but they writhed and collapsed in the fires of Carey’s rage. Killian swallowed thickly, a hand pressed over her wound. This was completely not the time or place _at all_ , but she had never been so attracted to Carey as she was at this exact moment.

“We’re good for a bit,” Noelle reported. “Gods, Killian—give me a few minutes, I’ll see if I can synthesize some healing serum.”

Carey pressed her forehead against Killian’s. “We don’t have a few minutes. We’ve gotta—” She cut herself off abruptly and stood up. Killian followed her gaze, a rock of dread sitting heavy in her gut. But just a few feet away, on the other side of the flames, stood Magnus Burnsides, looking good as new, like he’d never left the Bureau, like he’d never _died_. Carey vaulted herself over the last of her dying flames towards him, cutting off his greeting with a punch to the face.

He staggered back a step. “I deserved that.”

“How—how did you—why—what—” Carey stammered.

Magnus held up his hands. “Yeah, listen, I realise a lot—a _lot_ —but right now we need to get in there, we need to get to the Director, and we need to figure out what the _fuck_ is happening. Then later I can tell you about my weird wooden body—”

“That was _you_?!” Killian said.

He shrugged, grinning guiltily. “I can tell you the whole thing that was going on, and why this is, and what this is, but for now, I just need you to trust me.”

Carey threw herself at him in an embrace as Noelle helped Killian to her feet. “Let me guess,” she said. “You ignored my training. When there was trouble, you...well...you took the big hit. Didn’t you, bud?”

He hugged her back, swinging her gently from side to side. “I had to. Someone else might’ve gotten hurt.”

Killian leaned on Noelle. “Mags, do you have any— _any_ idea what’s going on right now?”

Magnus set Carey back down, shaking his head. “I think I _used_ to, but that’s not really helpful _now_.” His voice turned hard. “But I think the Director knows, and she’s going to explain everything. One way or another.”

Killian looked nervously between Magnus and Carey. Carey shook her head and shrugged. They’d never seen him like this. None of the reclaimers really respected authority, but they’d never been actively angry at the Director before. “Kick the door in on three?” she suggested.

“Oh _fuck_ yeah,” Carey said, scrambling to her side.

There were so many people in the Director’s briefing room. Taako and Merle and the Director herself and Davenport, of course, but also Angus and some random human man. He looked vaguely familiar, but Killian couldn’t quite place him. Everyone turned to face them as they came into the room, the Director’s face lighting up for a moment when she saw Magnus. Quickly, though, their expressions turned to shock and horror as they looked at something behind them, and Killian looked over her shoulder. She still couldn’t see anything.

Angus scrambled over and slammed the doors shut behind them, and the human man came over and handed each of them a small vial of black liquid. Killian frowned at it, then back at the man. The liquid looked like Voidfish ichor, and he himself looked like that one guy Gundren killed in Phandalin. But that couldn’t be right, he was dead, wasn’t he? Although Magnus—

“Drink that,” he said. Magnus immediately slammed it back, and Killian glanced at Carey before shrugging and doing the same. This wasn’t the weirdest thing that had happened to her today. She gagged. It didn’t just look like Voidfish ichor, it tasted like it too. Gross. Why were they being inoculated a second time?

Carey dragged Killian over to a wall. “You need to sit down.”

“Care-bear, I’m _fine_ —”

She glared at her. “You are _not_ fine; don’t lie to me. That’s—that is _so_ much blood.” She ripped a piece off the bottom of her tunic and started wrapping it around Killian’s arm. “Whatever’s going on here, we’ll figure it out in a minute, but right now I’m taking advantage of the fact that nothing’s actively trying to kill us to help you.” She kissed Killian’s forehead. “I love you.”

Killian closed her eyes as Carey pressed kisses all over her face. “I’m not dying, you know.”

“Ten.”

Both of them looked up. Taako was standing in the middle of the room, his Umbra Staff pointed at the Director. “Nine,” he continued. “Eight.”

~~~

She had absolutely no idea what was going on. They were talking about leaving, and things called the Hunger and the Starblaster, and calling the Director ‘Lucretia,’ and Davenport was speaking full sentences and Angus was begging them to stay. Killian stood and looked around at them. They were all acting like it was the end of the world. Well, fuck that. “Hey, Merle? I could really—I could use a heal over here, bud, if you could break me one off.”

Merle gave a bitter laugh. “Yeah, that would be awesome, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t that be great if I could do a heal? Sorry, kiddo, I’ve been cut off from the source! Pan ain’t answering my calls!”

Killian’s heart sank. Shit.

Carey stepped forward, holding Killian’s hand, her face hard. “Listen, running away? That’s not how we do things here in the fuckin’ B.O.B.” Killian squeezed her hand. To think that only a year and a half ago she’d wanted nothing more than to escape and go roguing about on the surface. She loved her so much. “Now everybody just _stop_ and just explain what the fuck is going on so we know how to—”

The ceiling exploded, raining shards of glass down on the briefing room. Noelle blocked most of it from landing on Killian or Carey or Angus, but Taako and Merle were knocked out of the way as a giant inky black column of darkness splattered down from the sky. Killian stared, reaching for her crossbow. Was this what had been attacking the base? Was that why the Phandalin guy—Barry—had re-inoculated her and Carey?

Several shapes formed of the same shadowy mass emerged from the column. A skeleton with four arms, a centaur, a rhinoceros, a hand, and an off-looking humanoid figure. Killian grabbed her crossbow from her back and rolled out of the way, pointing it at the skeleton. “Dibs!” she shouted, and she fired. Her bolt caught the skeleton straight in the eye socket.

It whirled to face her. It was faster than she’d expected and she wasn’t able to dodge out of the way before it grabbed her. Killian struggled to break free, kicking it in the shins. Carey jumped on its back and started smacking it with one of her daggers. Noelle wrapped her hose arms around Killian’s waist and pulled, and the skeleton’s grip slipped. Carey dropped off the skeleton’s back and flipped out of the way as Noelle set Killian down, and Killian grabbed one of the skeleton’s arms. She planted a foot on its chest and yanked, and its arm popped clean out of its socket. “Nice!” she heard Magnus shout from across the room.

Killian raised the arm over her head and started beating the living shit out of the skeleton with it. She might’ve been screaming; she wasn’t sure. Carey popped up and kicked it in the back and it cracked in half, and Noelle doused it in flames from her arm cannon. Killian threw the arm down and spat on its corpse. One down.

There was a loud crack, and it was like a bomb went off. Killian threw herself in front of Carey, squinting behind her to try and see what was happening. Taako was thrown to the floor and went skidding backwards, the remains of his Umbra Staff lying broken on the ground. Thick red smoke started pouring out of it, climbing up and sending a wave of intense heat through the room, and sparks flew as white-hot flames consumed the black pillar in the middle of the room. Killian clutched Carey tighter, but the fires wove around them, and around Noelle, and around Taako and Angus and Magnus and the Director and everybody else, leaving them unharmed but absolutely decimating the remaining shadow creatures. And when Killian opened her eyes again (she hadn’t realised she’d squeezed them shut), their enemies were gone, and hovering over the broken Umbra Staff was a ghostly figure in a red robe.

It pointed at Taako and said, in a woman’s voice that sounded very much like his, “You’re dating the Grim Reaper?!”

~~~

Killian winced and Noelle smacked her shoulder. “You get sliced and diced and say it’s just a flesh wound, but as soon as I jab you with one little tiny needle you turn into a whiny baby.”

“I didn’t say anything,” she protested. She checked out her arm. The bleeding had stopped, and thanks to Noelle’s serum she was doing a lot better. “Thanks for this.”

“No problem.” Noelle looked around. Carey was scouting out the area during a brief respite while Noelle tended Killian’s injury. It wouldn’t be long before the Hunger’s armies came back in full force, and they couldn’t depend on any reinforcements until Magnus finished the job Davenport had given him. Killian still didn’t completely understand what he’d been asked to do—something with the Voidfish? Either way, if it would ensure everyone else could see the Hunger too, she was decidedly for. Any reinforcements they could get were an asset at this point. She’d take a baby with a magic wand at this point (although wasn’t that just Angus?).

“Looks like we’re good for now,” Carey reported, popping up beside Killian. “At least for this area. We should move out, not stay in one place too long. It looks like a bunch of Bureau folks are holed up in the hangar; I think we should head over there and keep that area secure.” She eyed Killian over. “You good?”

She swung her arm a bit, wincing at the ache that was still there. “I’ll live. Probably. Fuck that smarts.”

“It’s all I’ve got for now,” Noelle said. “I can only make so much healing serum at a time.” She wrung her hands. “Guys, I...is it weird that I’m scared? Because I’m scared. This is...it’s so much.” There was a waver to her voice. “I’ve—back when I died, I—I thought it was the end of everything and then it wasn’t, but this—this feels like it could be the real deal. If we fuck up—”

“Hey.” Carey put a hand on her shoulder. “We’re _not_ gonna fuck up. We’re gonna save the fucking world. Right, Kills?”

Killian opened her mouth to agree, but something in her hesitated. This...it really felt like the apocalypse. Sure, they’d gotten lucky a few times—Magnus coming back from the dead, Taako’s sister deus ex machina-ing out of the Umbra Staff—but how long could they really last? There were so few of them and there was an icy fear at the back of her mind that they really were all going to die, without even an astral plane to see each other again in. This could be the last time she ever saw Carey. Killian hated this; she didn’t like stopping in the middle of fights because it always led to this kind of shit, and Carey was looking at her for an answer and her face was falling and Killian _still_ couldn’t bring herself to say everything would be alright—

A streak of green light raced across the base, and Killian instinctively started to throw herself in front of Carey, but it didn’t hurt them. Instead, in an instant, a story played out in Killian’s mind. It was the story of seven heroes, running from plane to plane to escape the all-consuming extraplanar force they named the Hunger. It was a story of heartbreak and determination, of hopelessness and hope, of failure and success. It was the story of Taako, and Merle, and Magnus, and Lucretia and Davenport and Lup and Barry, a family who had stuck by each other for a hundred years, who were torn apart in the worst possible ways and thrust back together right when they all needed each other the most. It was the story the Director had kept a secret for all these years, and now it was their story too.

Killian had a moment to reel after the story was projected into her mind, and then a streak of blue light followed the green, and she was given a song. It wasn’t a song she knew, but it had the hallmarks of Johann’s style all over it—the gentle beginning, the slow build, the soaring violin. It took her a moment, but when Killian returned to herself there were tears streaking down her face. She turned to Carey, who was hastily wiping away tears of her own. Noelle had her hands clasped in front of herself, looking between the two of them anxiously. “Did...did you all hear that, too?” she asked.

Taking a steadying breath, Killian wiped her face and nodded. “Yeah. Carey, Noelle, it’s time for Team Sweet Flips to roll the fuck out. Captain Davenport gave us a job to do, and we’re gonna kick ass at it. And also just kick ass in general. Because that’s how we fuckin’ _do_ at the Bureau of Balance, ladies.”

Carey hopped up onto Noelle’s shoulders, dropping a kiss on the top of Killian’s head. “Fuck yeah. Let’s get it _done_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Highlights from my notes include "Stolen Century what's that lmao" and "Team Sweet Flips fights a GIANT FOUR-ARMED SKELETON YEAAAAAH"


	17. The Royal Owl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carey defends what she loves...and loses another friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Carey ilu

Carey buried two daggers in a shadow creature’s back and it collapsed. Killian beamed at her from across the battlefield. “Fuckin’ sick, babe!” she shouted, firing her crossbow dead into a monster’s forehead. It took its head clean off, sending it flying as the body crumpled to the ground.

“Not too shabby yourself,” Carey called back before bouncing off Noelle’s shoulder to land on another creature’s head, crushing it beneath her weight. They were completely wrecking shit, and it was _glorious_.

Noelle grabbed a creature and ripped it in half, then looked around. “Looks like that’s the last of them for now,” she reported. “We should get to the hangar and make sure the folks holed up in there are okay.”

Killian rotated her injured arm around a few times, wincing. “Yeah, let’s check that out. We need to buy the others more time to get shit figured out, and the more manpower we have for that the better.”

Carey was about to agree when something caught her eye. She turned, beaming, and bounded towards Magnus. “What’s up, space man?” she asked, stopping just in front of him.

Magnus laughed like he wasn’t sure if he should find it funny or not. “Nothing much, lizard.”

Carey cocked her hips. “I’m still working out the details of what I just sort of experienced, but I can’t believe I’ve been buddies with an _alien_ this whole time.”

“Maybe you’re the alien and I’m the regular person,” he countered, folding his arms.

She fixed him with a flat look. “No, that’s not how it went.”

He laughed for real this time. “Eh, it’s hard to say! Did you see the Voidfish—one big, one little—come by here?”

Carey glanced over her shoulder at Killian and Noelle. Killian shook her head, and Noelle shrugged. “No, we didn’t see anything. We just sorta—just sorta heard them.” It was more than just hearing. Carey had felt the story resonate through her very soul. She was a little embarrassed at how she’d cried at it, but who wouldn’t? Her best friend and some of the people she’d grown to trust as family over the last year and more had been through so much. Who could blame her for getting a little emotional?

Magnus opened his mouth to say something else, but at that moment something came plummeting from the sky and crashing into the quad not far away. Carey dodged away from the debris, back towards Killian and Noelle, Magnus ducking behind his shield. It was a sphere, huge and ominous, made of the same living shadow that made up the rest of the Hunger’s forces. She readied a couple of daggers, Killian next to her loading her crossbow as three shapes emerged from the sphere. Carey’s eyes widened. She recognised them—an owl, a bear, and a wolf. They were weird shadow monsters now, but they were definitely the Royal Beasts from the story’s first cycle.

The owl swooped towards them and she ducked, chucking a dagger at it as she came back up. Noelle pointed her arm cannon and fired something at it, and Killian shot a bolt towards it at the same time. Carey backed up. She wasn’t super prepared to fight an airborne enemy, but she’d just have to figure something out. It dove towards them again, and Killian aimed her crossbow. Carey scrambled up Noelle’s back. “Trust me on this one,” she said. Noelle nodded, taking aim.

The owl’s eyes flashed, and Killian took a step back before turning her crossbow on Magnus. Noelle lunged to hold her back, and Carey’s vision turned red. She launched herself at the owl from Noelle’s back and drove both daggers into it, screaming. “LEAVE HER ALONE YOU SON OF A BITCH,” she shrieked, yanking one dagger out and stabbing it back into the owl over and over. “THAT’S MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND AND SHE’S HAD A SHITTY ENOUGH DAY AS IT IS.”

Below her, she saw Noelle release Killian. She wobbled, but stood straight and swung her crossbow towards the owl. It was starting to lose altitude, but it ducked and wove, trying to shake Carey off. She waited until it was close enough to the ground and jumped, abandoning her daggers and hitting the ground running. The owl streaked towards them, shrieking, and Killian fired directly into its face. It started disintegrating, ash blowing away on the wind, crashing into the ground in front of them before disappearing completely.

Killian helped Carey to her feet. “You good?”

“Fuck yeah.” She kissed Killian’s cheek and turned to survey the wreckage. From the looks of things, Magnus had taken the bear out, and now he and Avi stood at the edge of the quad, looking down over the edge. Carey perked up. If Avi was here, that meant the hangar was secure. “Come on,” she said, gesturing for Killian and Noelle to follow her. “We should regroup and plan our next move.”

Noelle hurried ahead of them, and Killian walked beside Carey. “We’re not doing so bad,” she said. She rubbed her injured arm. “Still do wish I could’ve gotten a full heal earlier, though.”

“Think of it this way,” Carey said. “It’ll be a fucking sick scar later.”

Killian laughed, and a little of the tension Carey was holding in loosened. She had to keep her chin up, keep herself strong, and doing that on top of everything else was _exhausting_. Something as simple and right as hearing the woman she loved laugh a little was a big help in that. Killian made Carey think they could win. She’d do _anything_ to make that happen.

Magnus greeted them in his usual way when they got to him, with a grin and a wave. Avi’s smile was more strained. Killian’s eyes widened and she pointed at the titanic Judge statue, slowly making its way through the Stillwater Sea. “Fuuuuck?” she said.

Magnus looked where she was pointing, then grimaced. “Yeah.”

Noelle gasped. “Holy crap.”

“Yeah, that too,” Magnus agreed.

She shook her head. “No no no!” She pointed and Carey followed her finger. Her gaze landed on Lucas Miller’s floating lab, the one they’d gotten trapped in at Candlenights. A little dish popped out of Noelle’s shoulder as she focused on the lab. She tilted her head as the dish spun. “Well, there’s Lucas’s lab,” she said. “But...he’s not on board. It’s empty.”

“Then who’s steering it?” Magnus asked.

Noelle shook her head. “It must be in autopilot—” She cut herself off with a quiet gasp, a hand covering where her heart would be if she had one. “Oh.” She took a step towards the edge of the base and Carey’s heart leapt into her throat as Noelle turned to face them all. “I’ve gotta go.”

Carey felt numb, like those three simple words had stolen all the feeling from her body. Killian, Magnus, and Avi just looked confused. Noelle laughed, quiet and sad, looking at Magnus. “Hey, that was the deal, right? Kravitz said I could stay ’til I—I did what needed to get done, and it—” She laughed again, wringing her hands like she always did when she was anxious. “It looks like this needs to get done.”

Tears blurred Carey’s vision, her hands covering her snout. She didn’t—she couldn’t—Noelle had never been a permanent addition to their squad, Carey knew that, but she also had kind of avoided thinking about it. A part of her had always just thought Noelle would be with them forever. Carey felt Killian at her side, holding Carey’s hand and shaking. Noelle’s long tube arms wrapped around the two of them, and Carey squeezed her tight. “Thank you, girls,” Noelle whispered. “Thanks for...for giving me a home.” She pulled back, wiping something from Carey’s face. “Well don’t do that now. I—I died once before, and it’s not so bad.” She squeezed their hands. “I promise I’m—I’m gonna see you two again.”

Carey just nodded. She couldn’t make her voice work. Killian squeezed Noelle’s shoulder as she turned away and went to hug Magnus. “Thanks for not pulling my arms off, Magnus,” she said, approaching him and wrapping her arms around him twice. “And thanks for...thanks for helpin’ me get a second chance.”

“No one deserved it more than you.” Magnus sounded on the edge of tears himself.

After a long moment, Noelle untangled herself from Magnus and backed away again. “If any of you ever see Lucas again...apologise for this next part.”

Her robotic body didn’t have a real face. It had the facsimile of one, but it didn’t move very much. Still, there seemed to be a determined glint in Noelle’s eyes as she turned away from her friends to face Lucas’s lab. “Hero time,” she said.

She collapsed, and Noelle’s light left her body, instead enveloping Lucas’s floating laboratory. Slowly, it changed course, picking up speed and moving faster and faster until it crashed into the Judge with the light and force of a thousand suns. Carey flinched and covered her eyes, the sound of the explosion ringing in her ears as the light faded and the Judge was reduced to ashes.

There were arms around Carey’s shoulders, and she leaned into them, wiping her face. “Nobody else,” Killian murmured, pressing her lips to the top of Carey’s head. “We’re not going to lose anyone else to this thing. We’re gonna make Noelle proud. Right?”

Carey held her tight. “Right.”

~~~

A fucking spaceship. Carey had heard about it in the story, but she hadn’t thought she’d ever get the chance to see the Starblaster up close. She stared as Davenport started getting it ready to fly. Holy _shit_.

“Barry, Killian, Carey, Angus, Nerdlord, you’re with me,” Lup said.

Killian nodded and started checking her gear. Carey fidgeted nervously at her side. This was it. The big one. If they beefed it—

But they _wouldn’t_. Killian had been right earlier. They were going to save everyone. They were going to make Noelle proud.

Magnus approached her, digging around in a pocket. “Hey, BFF,” he said. He held something out towards her. “I got you this necklace.”

On closer inspection, it was a carved wooden pendant on a thin metal chain. Magnus held up a second one beside it. Together, they made a whole heart inscribed with the words ‘Best Friends Forever.’ He beamed at her, and she laughed and took the one he’d offered her, clasping it around her neck. “You stay safe out there,” he said. “And then we’ll have, uh, you know, sandwiches after this. Celebratory sandwiches.”

She launched herself at him in the tightest hug she could manage. “Can I tell you something?” she whispered in his ear. “I still haven’t proposed to Killian. When you left for Wonderland, I told myself I’d wait until you got back, and then—well, it still hasn’t happened.”

“ _Carey Fangbattle._ ” He pulled back to give her a stern look. “You _coward_.”

She grinned. “So you’d better fucking survive if you want to see that happen. Got it?”

“See what happen?” Killian asked.

Carey flapped a hand at her, waving her off. “ _Best friend_ stuff Kills, shush.” She turned back to Magnus. “I’m holding you to those sandwiches.”

He shook his head, but he was smiling. “Would I lie to you?”

“Yes,” she said immediately. “Just not very well.” She reached up, standing on her toes to ruffle his hair. “Come home safe.”

As she watched him go, that icy fear gripped at her chest again, and she stamped it down.

They were going to win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: according to my brother, Griffin describing Noelle as a "hug-shaped robot" right before her sacrifice was the first part of the finale to really make him tear up.
> 
> I, on the other hand, was bawling from basically the get-go because I'm an Emotional Mess ("You will always be my Merle" still fucks me up)


	18. The Day of Story and Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian wins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Avi
> 
> On that note, **trigger warning for very brief mention of suicide ideation** in this chapter. I'm honestly not sure if it's serious enough to warrant a full warning but better safe than sorry. It's very very brief though.

It didn’t take very long to round up what was left of the Bureau of Balance. Lup went ahead to rally what help she could get on the surface below. Killian and Carey helped organise people into groups. They would only need three pods to get everyone to the surface, and Killian’s heart ached at the thought of how much they’d lost. She did her best to push those feelings aside. There was a time and a place for those, and they were after they’d saved the world, in a shitty bar somewhere. Right now, she had a job to do.

Barry went with the first group to rendezvous with Lup and get a better handle on their chances. Angus went with the second group, reluctant to leave but putting on a braver face than a boy his age should’ve had to. Killian refused to be separated from Carey, and so they took the last cannonball with Avi. It was just the three of them at that point, and not for the first time Killian wished Boyland was there.

Avi was quiet as he rolled the cannonball into place so they could board. He’d been unusually quiet since they’d met up again. Killian had initially assumed he was just worried and upset about everything that was going on. It was a pretty valid feeling, honestly; the potential end of the world was nothing to sneeze at. But this kind of behaviour wasn’t how she generally saw Avi reacting to things that were awful and scary. He didn’t go quiet, he went into overdrive. When Avi was nervous or upset, his mouth moved faster than his brain, making him stumble over his words and say stupendously stupid shit. This was weird for him.

Killian rested a hand on his shoulder as he turned away from the cannon. He flinched under her touch. “Are you okay?”

He laughed, an awful, bitter sound. “Yeah, I’m great, it’s just that the fucking _world_ is ending. Can you just get in the cannonball?”

Carey popped up on Avi’s other side, looking worriedly between them. “Avi’s right, we should get going,” she said. “Hey, Avi, does this thing have an auto-launch thing? How’re you getting down with us?”

“Don’t worry about that.” Avi had his arms folded in front of his chest, his fingers digging like claws into the sleeves of his uniform. “I’m not going with you, so it’s fine.”

Killian balked. “You can’t stay up here by yourself! You’ll be killed if the Hunger’s forces come back.” Avi didn’t say anything, staring at the empty space between him and her. “Avi, what’s—”

“Johann’s gone,” he said, choked and shaking, “I—he was down in the Voidfish’s chambers working when the first attack happened and I haven’t heard from him since, not even on our Stones of Farspeech, and when I asked Magnus if he knew what happened to him he got all cagey—you know how Magnus is at lying—and I _love_ him, Killian, and he’s _dead_ and I can’t go with you because _I_ should be dead too—”

She slapped him. Carey gasped when she did, and Avi probably would have fallen to the floor if Killian hadn’t been gripping his shoulder with her other hand. “Don’t you _dare_ ,” she growled, “don’t you _fucking_ dare, Avi, I _forbid_ it. You _can’t_ die. You aren’t fucking allowed.”

He gingerly brushed fingers over the red mark forming on his face where she’d hit him. “You’re—I can—you can’t understand, because she’s still here!” He pointed at Carey, his other hand balled into a fist as he glared defiantly up at Killian. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t throw yourself off this fucking base if something had happened to Carey, fucking do it, you’d—”

Killian grabbed him by the front of his tunic and lifted him off the ground, bringing him right up to her face. “Don’t fucking tell me what I would or wouldn’t do. You’re not the only one who’s lost someone they loved, Avi, you selfish prick! Maybe it wasn’t Carey, but it was Boyland, and Noelle, and it was very nearly Magnus, and—” She swallowed. Her throat was thick all of a sudden. “Johann—what was the one thing Johann wanted above everything else in the world?” He struggled uselessly in her grip and she shook him. “Avi! What did he want the most?”

Avi sniffled. “T-to—to be remembered.”

“That’s right.” She set him down and wrapped her arms around him. “And you’re going to live, you’re going to tell his story—the story of the man whose music was heard around the universe. You’re going to make sure people remember Johann the person, not just Johann the bard, because you love him so fucking much, and there’s so much you still have to do _here_ before you see him again. And after—after we win, because we _will_ win, we’ll go out for beer and sandwiches in the rundown remains of the first tavern we come across, and we’ll all raise an extra glass for Johann, for what he did for us today. And you’ll live, because you’re _not allowed to die_. Am. I. Clear?”

He was shaking in her arms as she clung to him, but his voice was steady. “Get in the cannonball.”

Carey laid a hand on Killian’s arm. “You’re coming with us, though, right?”

Avi squirmed away from Killian, still looking at the ground. “I said get in the cannonball.” He wiped his face on his sleeve. “I won’t…I won’t do anything stupid. I’m not…” He sniffled and Killian squeezed his shoulder. “Johann’s—I love him. But I—I can’t—if the Hunger destroys everything I’ll never see him again.”

“So you’ll come with us?” Carey asked.

Avi walked to the hangar console. “Get in the cannonball. I’ve gotta get autolaunch set up.”

Carey looked to Killian, brows raised. Killian nodded. Avi would be okay.

He scrambled into the capsule as it started into the cannon. Killian reached forward and took his hand. “We’ll be alright,” she said.

Avi swallowed and looked back to smile at them. “Johann said we’d win,” he said. “I have to prove him right.”

~~~

“That stops _here_.”

Killian cheered along with the rest of the crowd—the _army_ —assembled in front of Neverwinter. Carey whooped at her side. Avi gripped his spear with both hands on Killian’s other side. They were surrounded by fighters, people who were willing to save the world or die trying. Killain readied her crossbow, aiming it directly at the horde of shadows heading their way.

Lup’s hands caught fire, and the army charged. Carey winked at Killian and disappeared into the crowd, and Killian fired as Avi surged forward with the rest. A faint tug of anxiety clawed at Killian’s gut, and she slammed it to the side as she reloaded. Her friends were trained warriors, and she wouldn’t be losing anybody else today.

She charged forward, firing as she went. The plan, as Killian understood it, was for their heaviest hitting magic users—Lup, Barry, some guy named Kravitz, probably others—to focus on the Judge while the rest of them whittled down the rest of the Hunger’s forces. They didn’t have to _win_ , per se. They just had to buy Lucretia and the Starblaster enough time to get to the Hunger’s plane and put up the barrier.

Carey appeared at Killian’s side as she put a bolt between a shadow creature’s eyes, or where that would be if it had eyes. “Launchpad,” she said, and Killian stooped to one knee, locking another bolt into her crossbow as Carey used her shoulders as leverage to leap into the air, throwing herself into the fray again with a totally unnecessary backflip. Despite herself, Killian laughed, firing again. It was always so great, watching Carey tear through opponents like tissue. Maybe that made her a little sadistic, but she had bigger problems to worry about.

“Heads up!”

Killian ducked, and a glittering burst of magical energy went sailing over her head, slamming into a shadowy robot and sending it exploding into smoke. She looked behind her and there was Angus McDonald, brow furrowed in determination and mouth set in a confident smile. “Nice shot, li’l man!” she called.

He hurried over to her, wand clutched to his chest. “Can I stick by you, Killian?” he asked. “I’m—I’m afraid I’ll get trampled in all this.”

She felt something like sympathy settle in her bones, and while there was a time in her life where she would’ve stomped that down in a fight—soft feelings would only ever get you killed in a battle like this—she instead reached out and ruffled his hair. “No problem. Stick with me, Ango. We’re gonna win this one yet!”

Carey popped back up next to them, grinning ear to ear. “We’re making progress!” she reported. She bounced up to kiss Killian on the cheek, leaning over her shoulder to chuck a dagger into the advancing Hunger forces. “Babe,” Carey said, dropping to the ground, “if we get out of this alive, we’re gonna get _married_!” Before Killian could say anything, Carey had winked and flipped into the fray again.

Killian shook her head and turned towards the charging forces, somersaulting out of the way before coming to one knee and firing. Angus scrambled behind her, shooting small bolts of fire at the same target. And here Killian had thought _she_ had something wrong with her, getting excited over watching her girlfriend rip the Hunger’s forces apart. At least she wasn’t cracking jokes about marriage in the middle of the apocalypse!

It couldn’t have been very long, but it felt like an eternity that they spent that way: Killian fighting and shielding Angus, Carey popping back to check in and help out every few seconds. Bit by bit, shadow by shadow, they made their way forward, pushing back against the overwhelming odds. Avi appeared at one point, panting and sweaty, only to give Killian a thumbs up and rush off into the fray again. Carey came back long enough to do one of their favourite maneuvers together, rolling across Killian’s back to smash into an enemy with both feet as Killian shot and reloaded. Then she winked and slipped behind a new target, and Killian had to turn her attention back to the fight. Gods, she loved Carey so much. They were going to win this fight and then Killian was going to hold the people she loved close and never let go.

She blocked a blow with her crossbow, slamming into the creature and shoving it back. It suddenly stiffened and crumbled, and on the other side of its body she saw Carey, beaming as she bent to retrieve her dagger. Killian fired over her head, stopping another creature from jabbing its sword-like arms through Carey’s back. “Watch your back,” she told Carey.

Carey laughed. “Why? That’s what you’re for.” And she bounded off again, though Killian noticed she kept her head up more than usual.

Killian smiled fondly after her until Angus tapped her arm. “We’re, um, there’s still a fight,” he said.

She shook herself, embarrassed, and turned back to the battle. “Right.”

The shadow thing she had her crossbow aimed at froze, and burst into sparkles of white light. And as Killian looked around to see who had done that, she saw it happen to another creature, and another, and soon it was like a ripple of light spread through the Hunger’s forces, scattering their very forms. The tendrils of shadow turned to light as well, peeling away from the sky and showering the battlefield in cascading, glittering balls of light. Killian stared, jaw slack, and dimly registered Carey appearing back at her side and taking her hand as she, too, looked up at the sky. “What does this mean?” she asked.

Carey shook her head. “I’m not—”

Suddenly the crowd gasped as Taako, Magnus, Merle, and Lucretia appeared next to Lup and Barry and Davenport (somehow Killian had missed it when he came back). Lucretia looked around bewilderedly for a moment while the boys spouted something about meeting god. Killian squeezed Carey’s hand like a lifeline, holding her breath. Was this it? Did they do it?

After a few moments where the seven of them just looked at each other, grinning, Angus moved forward. Everyone else seemed frozen in place, waiting. “Is it over, sirs?” he asked. “Did we win?”

Taako looked at Lup, then back down at Angus, his smile just a little less goofy for once. “You know what, little man?” he said quietly. “Believe it or not, we did.”

Beaming, Magnus reached down and grabbed Angus, hoisting him up onto his shoulder. “Let ’em know, kid!”

Killian felt a lump rise in her throat as Angus looked out over the crowd, eyes shining bright behind his glasses. “Hey everybody!” he shouted. “Johann was right! We won!”

The crowd absolutely erupted. People whooped and hollered, grabbed strangers in tight hugs, broke down and wept. Killian and Carey both screamed and clutched each other, Killian picking Carey up and swinging her around. They did it. They actually fucking _did_ it, the absolute madmen. The Hunger was _gone_ and the world was saved and they could fucking—they’d _won_.

“Hey, hey, put me down for a second!” Carey was squirming in Killian’s arms, and Killian set her down, still beaming, hands settling on Carey’s hips. She didn’t want to let her go, not after what they’d just been through. She wanted to gather everybody she loved as close as possible and hold onto them forever, and Carey was definitely at the top of that list.

“What’s up?” she asked. Carey had one hand digging through her thieves’ tools, the other taking Killian’s hand off her hip and holding it. “Babe?”

Carey just grinned, squeezing Killian’s hand. “I love you.”

“And I love you too—why did I have to put you down for that? C’mere.” She tried to pull Carey into another hug, but she was pushed away.

“No, like—Killian, I _love_ you.” Carey was bouncing on her toes now, leaking nervous energy. “I’m—you’re—this whole fight, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and I had to keep coming back to make sure you were okay, because I love you and want you to be safe.” She swallowed. “You’re the most important thing in my life, and I love you, and—” Carey cut herself off and took a deep breath.

“Babe, you’re worrying me,” Killian said. “Is something the matter? Are you okay? You didn’t get hurt, did you?”

Carey laughed nervously. “No, I’m good! I’m fine! Everything’s great, but—I mean—it’d be even better—fuck.” She sank to the ground, up on one knee, still holding Killian’s hand. “Killian Crushbone,” she said, opening her other hand, “will you marry me?”

Everything stopped for a long moment. There was a ring in Carey’s hand, carved out of wood that was polished so bright it almost shone. It was simple and beautiful, and she had a sneaking suspicion that she knew exactly who had made it. And here was Carey, the woman she had loved for over a year, down on one knee with a ring in her hand, asking if Killian would stay by her side forever immediately after the apocalypse.

Her eyes blurred with tears. “After everything we’ve been through,” she said, voice choked, “do you even have to ask?”

Carey looked like she was about to start crying too, but she slid the ring onto Killian’s finger, and it was a little big but that didn’t matter, and she leaped into Killian’s arms and kissed her. Killian kissed her back like the world was still ending, holding her close while tears ran down her face. And then there was a pair of arms around them both, and then another, and another, and they were surrounded by people hugging them, and congratulating them, and Killian buried her face in Carey’s shoulder and laughed as she cried.

Just a few short hours ago, they had thought the world was going to end forever. But now, here, they’d survived, and they were surrounded by love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a S A P


	19. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carey gets married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've come to the conclusion that characters I write cry a lot because _I_ cry a lot. I don't know what to make of this.

Their little dorm room was exactly the same as it had been when they’d left it. It had been a couple of days before they made it back to the Bureau’s base. All they’d done for the last few days was celebrate and mourn and celebrate again. Carey wasn’t totally sure what they were going to do now. They came back to the moon base because they didn’t know where else to go. The B.O.B. had been Carey’s home—her life—for a year and a half, even longer for Killian. Neither of them had really given much thought as to what they’d do when everything was done.

Killian sat down on the couch and looked around as Carey went for the kitchen. Most of their food was still good, but there wasn’t enough to last them very long. And with Garfield gone, and Fantasy Costco with him, there was no telling when they’d be able to get more food up here.

“So now what?” she asked, turning to face Killian. “Do we—do we just take our stuff and—just _leave_? That doesn’t seem right.”

“No, yeah, for sure.” Killian scratched at her nose. “But like…what else is there to do? I mean, we can’t keep living up here. So do we get a house somewhere? Get, like…jobs?”

Carey wrinkled her snout. “I don’t like that.” She flopped onto the couch next to Killian and leaned into her side. “But what else is there?”

There was a knock at the door. Carey stared at it. Who would be visiting them now, of all times? There were six people on the base, maximum. She looked at Killian, who shrugged and stood to answer it.

The door opened to reveal the Director—Lucretia. It was still really weird for Carey to think of her as anything but the Director, even with a hundred years of her life blasted directly into her brain by a space jellyfish. She smiled at the two of them, a little shyly. “Hello,” she said. “I hope—I don’t mean to intrude, but I’d heard you two had returned to the base and I was hoping to talk to you. May I come in?”

“Uh, sure.” Killian moved aside so Lucretia could come into the tiny apartment. Carey stood up from the couch. For some reason she felt like she should stand.

“Oh, no, please,” Lucretia said. “I’m—you don’t need to stand, it’s fine.” She looked…different. She was still the same Madame Director, but she didn’t have her white oak staff or Bureau of Balance robes. It was weird seeing her in plain clothes, standing in their kitchen like she wasn’t their boss and also a living legend.

Lucretia cleared her throat. “First of all, I believe congratulations are in order.” Her eyes wrinkled at the corners when she smiled. “I didn’t get a chance to say anything before now, but I’m so proud of and happy for the both of you.”

Killian reached out and held Carey’s hand, and she could feel Killian’s ring against her fingers. “Thank you,” Carey said.

Lucretia folded her hands in front of herself. She looked like she wasn’t sure what to do with them now that she didn’t have her staff to hold onto. “Of course, that’s not the only reason I wanted to talk to you. You two are…” She took a deep breath. “The two of you were a big part of what made our organization so effective. Your ability to work together, and with others, and your trust and general badassery were indispensable to the Bureau. I’d like to thank you for that, but I…I’d like that to continue.”

Carey exchanged a confused look with Killian. “But…we did it,” she said. “We’re done. We got all the Relics, saved the multiverse, passed go, collected two hundred gold.”

“What else do you need?” Killian asked.

Lucretia looked down, thinking. “The world has suffered,” she said after a moment. “We may have won, but there’s still a lot of good that needs to be done. I want to be one of the people who provides that help. The Bureau has so much to give, yes in the form of resources, but also in the people who worked for it.” She held out her hands towards them. “I’m asking you to help me rebuild the world.”

Carey looked up at Killian again. From the look on her face, she was having the same thoughts as Carey.

“Madame Director,” Carey said, “you can count on us.”

~~~

“Hey.” Killian draped her arms over Carey’s shoulders and rested her chin on top of her head. “D’you think we should hyphenate?”

Carey looked up from where she was filling out forms for the new Bureau of Benevolence. They’d both received a major promotion when they agreed to join Lucretia’s cause, but unfortunately that also came with its fair share of paperwork, especially now that Davenport had left to sail the world. “Hyphenate what?”

“When we get married.” Carey grinned. It was so good to talk about their wedding in the absolute instead of the abstract. There were only six months left until the ceremony, after all. It was starting to sink in that this was really happening. “Should we hyphenate our last names, or I’ll take your name, or you take my name, or what?”

Carey made a contemplative noise, tapping her pen against her chin. “Fangbattle-Crushbone is kind of a mouthful, don’t you think?”

“I guess.” Killian wandered over to the other chair at their new kitchen table and plopped herself down in it. “We could combine them to make one cool new name though. A stronger, sexier name. Like…Crushbattle.”

There was a pause as Carey thought, then her face scrunched up as she chortled. “Fangbone.”

Killian laughed out loud. “Fuckin’—hey, I’m Mrs. Fangbone, and that’s my wife, Mrs. Fangbone.”

“I dunno, I think we’ve got time to figure that out.” Carey pushed her paperwork to one side. “We’ve got bigger problems right now, though. Yeah we’ve got a date and a venue and Merle said he’d do the ceremony and stuff, but we still need to send out invitations and pick out clothes—shit, do we need a wedding party? I didn’t even think about that part. Or what about—”

“Carey.” Killian got up to take Carey’s face in her hands instead, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “You’re overthinking things again. We still have time for all of that. Don’t worry. Everything will work out. Promise.”

~~~

She couldn’t stop pacing. There was an itching, a buzzing of anxiety under her skin, and she scratched absently at her arms. Magnus watched her somewhat bemusedly. “I know this is stupid,” she said, “I know I’m being silly, it’s just like—I’m really excited to spend my life with Killian, it’s not that, it’s just like.” She blew a frustrated sigh through her nose. She was an anxious mess. This wasn’t what she wanted from her wedding day. Her _godsdamn wedding day_. “When I walk through that door…my life is gonna change, Magnus, and it’s gonna be so good, but it’s still really scary.”

Magnus nodded, still watching her pace. “Yeah, you know…the fact of the matter is, your life is a constant stream of changes. I mean, you start one day accepting a job offer, and you end saving the world.” A small, anxious laugh escaped her as she looked over at him. He was smiling, and he pointed to the door behind them. “And you’re going to walk through that door, and your life will never be the same, and I wish I could tell you that every day from now on would be amazing, and the happiest day of your life, but that’s not how life works.” She could feel her throat starting to close up as tears came to her eyes. “But every day will be made better because she’s in it with you. You aren’t going to be alone ever again. Even if you’re ever separated, you’ll still never be alone.”

Carey stopped pacing and grabbed a handkerchief, blotting at her eyes. “I’m going to streak my _fucking_ eyeliner,” she muttered.

He chuckled and spread his arms wide. “Give me a hug, lizard girl.”

“Don’t fucking call me that,” she said, but she was already hugging him. “I’m a proud dragonborn,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“I know,” he said quietly, still amused.

She pulled away and nodded. “Okay.” She dabbed at her eyes again. Damn Magnus, making her cry right before her godsdamn wedding. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was in a fragile emotional state or anything, it was just that Magnus was her best friend, and that meant he had to make her cry right before her godsdamn wedding. It was in the best friend rules somewhere, she was sure.

Magnus smiled at her and raised his hands, signing in the thieves’ language she’d taught him. _Are you ready?_

Carey smiled back, nodding. _I’m ready,_ she signed.

He gave her a thumbs up and slipped out the door, heading back to his seat. Carey took a slow breath. Magnus was right. After today, things would change. Nothing would ever be the same again. But she wanted that change with all her heart, with everything that she was. And after today, she’d never be alone again.

The music started playing, and that was her cue. She smoothed down her vest and stepped out through the door into the main chapel. Merle gestured from his place at the lectern, and the audience rose to their feet, turning to look to the back of the chapel. Carey looked out over them for a moment before turning to look to her left.

There she was. Killian was looking at Carey, too, a toothy but soft smile lighting up her whole face. She looked positively radiant in the floral tunic she’d chosen to wear, and Carey’s heart caught in her throat at the sight of Magnus’s rosewood ring on her finger.

They gave each other one more look, and then started down the aisles.

Carey could tell there were tears in Killian’s eyes already, which was fine because there were tears in hers too. They definitely weren’t going to make it through the whole ceremony, that was for sure. She caught Killian’s eye and laughed, picking up the pace. Killian saw what she was doing and matched her speed, and before Carey really knew what they were doing they were racing full-tilt down the chapel aisles, and when they reached the front Carey all but leaped into Killian’s arms, and Killian caught her in a tight squeeze and swung her in a circle before planting one on her, and it wasn’t what they’d agreed on during the rehearsal but it was what felt right in the moment, and Carey was beaming when Killian set her down. They looked out at the audience, wearing matching apologetic smiles, and their friends chuckled. Carey caught sight of Magnus, already crying, with the biggest smile she’d ever seen on his face. And just in front of him, Lucretia, her hands clasped together over her heart, looking genuinely happy in a way Carey didn’t know she’d ever seen her. And behind them, Taako and his spooky boyfriend Kravitz, holding hands while Taako grinned warmly at them. And not too far from them stood Avi, shaking his head bemusedly, a rosewood violin sitting next to his seat on the pew.

All these people and more had come to see them, had come to be in attendance for this, one of the most important days of Carey and Killian’s lives, the first one where they would truly spend it _together_. Carey turned to Killian, and they both turned to Merle, and nodded, and Merle opened his book and began.

“Dearly beloved,” he began, “I have been asked to keep this short.” Everybody laughed, and Carey snorted. “We’re gathered here today to celebrate our dear friends, Carey Fangbattle and Killian Crushbone, as they’re joined together in marriage.”

Merle continued talking, and Carey half-listened, holding Killian’s hands in her own and staring up at her. This was real. It was happening. She was getting married to Killian, the woman she loved.

“We’ll start with the declaration of intent,” Merle said. Carey blinked, turning to look at him instead. He was standing on a very tall stool so he could be seen over Killian’s head. “Carey, do you take Killian to be your wife, to live together in marriage?”

There was nothing Carey wanted more. “I do.”

Merle smiled and turned to Killian. “And do you, Killian, take Carey to be your wife, to live together in marriage?”

The way Killian looked at Carey told her that she only had eyes for her in this moment. “I do.”

“Now, as a sign of their promise to one another, Carey and Killian are going to exchange vows,” Merle said to the congregation. “Carey, we’ll start with you.”

She took a deep breath. Originally, they were going to just repeat the vows after Merle, but they’d decided to memorize them instead, and Carey was suddenly very nervous. “I, Carey,” she began, “do pledge you, Killian, my love, for as long as we both shall live, and even after, from this day forward. For better or worse, in sickness and health, I will keep you and hold you, comfort you and—” She stopped and swallowed the lump in her throat. Killian rubbed her thumbs over the backs of Carey’s hands comfortingly, giving her an encouraging, tearful smile. “Comfort you and tend you,” Carey continued, voice wavering, “protect you and shelter you, love you and cherish you, for all the days of my life.” There. She’d done it. Carey breathed in, and it felt like the first breath after coming up from underwater.

“Thank you, Carey,” Merle said. His voice seemed a little gruffer now. “And now Killian, it’s your turn.”

Killian opened her mouth and froze. Carey bit back her automatic panic response and squeezed Killian’s hands reassuringly. “I, Killian,” she blurted, “do pledge you, Carey, my love, for as long as we b-both shall live, and—and even after, from this day forward.” Killian was full-on crying now, tears running like rivers down her face, and Carey could feel her own eyes brimming over. “For better or worse, in sick—in sickness and health, I will keep you and hold you, comfort you and tend you.” She swallowed, took a breath, and soldiered on. “Protect you and shelter you, love you and cherish you, for all the days of my life.”

Carey wanted to kiss her more than she’d ever wanted anything in her whole life. “Alright,” Merle said, and his voice was _definitely_ gruffer now. Carey looked up to see him clearing his throat, his one eye a little shiny and wet behind his glasses. “As a symbol of their commitment to one another, Killian and Carey will now exchange rings.” He held out two simple gold bands, one significantly larger than the other. “The rings are a daily reminder and a public declaration of the promise you’re making today. Killian, please put this ring on Carey’s finger and state your vow.”

Killian picked up the smaller ring. “With this ring,” she said, sliding it onto Carey’s left ring finger, “I thee wed, and pledge to you my loyalty and love.”

The ring fit perfectly, which wasn’t a surprise since they’d had to get it fitted, but what’s more was that it felt _right_ on her finger. Like it was always meant to be there. Carey’s heart was going to burst.

“Okay, Carey, your turn,” Merle said. “Please put this ring on Killian’s finger and state your vow.”

Carey took a slow, steadying breath as she picked up the larger ring. She gently slid it onto Killian’s left ring finger, where it joined her wooden engagement ring. “With this ring, I thee wed,” she said, willing herself not to get choked up. “And pledge to you my loyalty and love.”

Merle closed his Extreme Teen Bible with a thump. “May the gods bless you and keep you, and may those who have been joined never be separated. I now by my authority as a cleric of Pan pronounce you as wives.” His eye twinkled. “You may kiss the bride!”

Killian was on her in a second, holding Carey’s face in her hands to press their lips together in a kiss that felt a longer time coming than it really was. They separated quickly, beaming at each other and holding each other close.

“You know we still have to get out of the church,” Carey said, her voice muffled by Killian’s shoulder.

“Let me enjoy this moment just a second,” Killian replied. “We only get this once.”

Carey couldn’t argue with that.

~~~

“And now, the couple will perform their first dance together as wives.”

Carey could feel her skin clearing every time someone referred to her and Killian as wives. She swept onto the dance floor, holding Killian’s hand. Their friends stood gathered around the floor, holding drinks or each other, waiting for the music to begin. Killian placed a hand on Carey’s waist, gently holding her other hand. “I love you,” she whispered, and the music started.

Neither of them were very good dancers. But it was worth it. Carey would never get over this feeling, the feeling of being surrounded by love and joy. If she had to demonstrate the fact that she knew exactly one slow dance move to keep that feeling a little while longer, then so be it. She rested her head on Killian’s shoulder and swayed along with her.

The reception had gone well so far. Taako’s cooking was spectacular as always, and she’d finally gotten a chance to tease him and Kravitz to their faces. Sadly, Kravitz had been more embarrassed than Taako, but little victories. Magnus was bragging to anyone who would listen (which wasn’t a lot) that he’d made the engagement ring. They’d thanked Merle for his service, as well, and he got gruff and embarrassed and reminded them about the check again. The speeches could have gone better, for the most part, but considering who they’d asked to make those speeches, they could have gone way worse, too.

“Do you think…” Killian started, then trailed off. “No, never mind.”

“What?” Carey asked.

“It’s dumb.”

Carey kissed her on the cheek. “If you can’t be kinda dumb on your wedding day, when can you be?”

Killian laughed. “Fair enough. Do...do you think Boyland and Noelle are watching this? Watching us?”

She swallowed thickly. “Yeah,” she said. “I hope so.”

“I hope so too.” Killian didn’t say anything for a moment. “What a wild ride it was to get here, huh?”

Carey nodded. “Sometimes I stop and think about it, and it’s really weird that I married a woman whose first introduction to me was arguing with me, blowing me up, and throwing me in jail.”

“Hey, rude.” Killian nudged her.

She leaned up to press their foreheads together as their song ended and their friends cheered. Their journey had taken them down a lot of strange paths, that was for sure. Carey never could have predicted anything along it, and she had no idea what was coming next. “But here’s the thing,” she said as they were joined by more people on the dance floor. “I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: this is the second big long multichapter shipfic monstrosity I've written that ends with a wedding. I like weddings I guess.
> 
> Thank you SO _SO_ much for reading!! This was a blast to work on and I hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to check out [Gaby's rad art](http://sakuraspell.tumblr.com/post/179351490044/thejourney) and also the rest of the work for [The Adventure Bang 2018](https://theadventurebang.tumblr.com/)! (Also come yell at me about lesbian orcs on Tumblr if you want I'm agirlnameded over there too)


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